My Manifesto: The Incoherent Ramblings of a Madman

As mysteriously as my archives disappeared -- they have now reappeared. I'm overwhelmed by this joyous/sombre occasion. However, I find myself, wondering, what exactly were they up to in their absence? And can I ever trust them again?

My mother bought me a present for my birthday that was going to be a surprise -- to her credit she knew me well enough to buy me a book I would have loved to get had I not already bought it myself two weeks previously -- to my discredit she paid 1/4 what I paid for it -- I was most upset. Also in the tangled mix was my grandmother -- she also was going to buy me the same book, however, she decided it was too expensive. It is always good when family surprise me. Sometimes when I think they barely know me, they out do themselves, they really do.

The car shopping proved a huge success -- I've got myself a 2002 model corolla hatchback, 43,000 km's for 19,990 which is pretty good value compared to some of the cars I looked at. The only problem is it has no CD player. On the upside, I managed to get $5500 for my old car, which stalls so often it is a death trap that is unregisterable and many a day has had me in a situation I would not want to ever be in again.

I've been as paranoid as all-hell driving my old car around. I take it down tomorrow night to newcastle to bid it fare well, and to pick up the new car. I'm a bit sad to see it go. It's been everywhere with me for the past few years. I've been: 4wding; through floods; droughts; to Adelaide; Brisbane; Sydney; Melbourne; the Great Ocean Road; on rally tracks, etc, etc -- not too bad for a little beep-beep barina. It still looks a nice car. It has alloy wheels, a sunroof, and a thermometer -- I'm going to miss my sunroof and thermometer.

I wonder what new adventures the corolla and I will embark on? I wonder if I can manage to afford to pay the car payments without digging into my savings/investments? That will be the challenge. I do not want to dip into the savings accounts at all. Thus far I have managed not to. However, I have $52 to last me 2 weeks. I still need to pay $600 for a change over fee, and I have to pay extra money on the insurance to cover my car. I have no food in the house. I will either be credit carding away -- or dipping into the savings already -- I didn't want to get off onto the wrong foot, but I already am backwards peddling trying to save myself and it has only just begun.

Work wasn't the best of days -- I found myself sitting there wondering exactly what I am meant to be doing. My boss insists I contour something, that to me, seems a complete waste of time, energy, and resources. He is on one of his "time is money" things again, and everytime he gets on one of them he makes me sit there and do stupid things wasting whole days for no good reason. It doesn't make any sense! Each lecture he gives me on wasting time --wastes more time. Each lecture he gives me on wasting time is followed by making me do something that is irrelevant. I was ready to just walk out today -- what would I do if I walked out? get another job working for another company probably doing the same shit I am doing now.

In the end nothing really matters.

I've Changed - Josh Joplin Group

I wanted perfection from every song I've ever sung
But that was wrong
And I wanted something from every person I've ever loved
But that was wrong

And I've changed, I've changed
I've reconsidered everything
I'm fine now, I'm fine now
I laid the barrel in my mouth
And everything I thought before
I won't think anymore
I've changed, I've changed, I've changed

I wanted to be the greatest at everything
But I can't be
And I wanted to be exempt from temptation
But I can't be

And I've changed, I've changed
I've reconsidered everything
I'm fine now, I'm fine now
I laid the barrel in my mouth
And everything I thought before
I won't think anymore
I've changed, I've changed, I've changed

And I wanted your love to be ever lasting
But it isn't
I wanted life to be an easier proposition
But it isn't

And I've changed, I've changed
I've reconsidered everything
I'm fine now, I'm fine now
I laid the barrel in my mouth
And everything I thought before
I won't think anymore
I've changed, I've changed, I've changed

" I hear this, naturally from my grandfather, he from his grandfather, he from his own grandfather, and so on, back many hundreds of years. That means this tale is very old. But it won't dissapear, because I offer it to my children, and my children will tell it to their children, and so on." Gypsy storyteller Lazaros Harisiadis, quoted by Diane Tong in Gypsy Folk Tales cited in "Beyond Civilization [sic]: Humanity's Next Great Adventure" by Daniel Quinn.

We learn history so we never make the same mistake twice. History repeats. We not only make the same mistakes over and over again, but we make them through out our daily lives. Each of us has the power to change our world for the better - use it. Never just go with the flow. Challenge yourself. Expand your mind. Think outside the square.

Doctor Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

But every once in a while he'd
hear an internal, reassuring voice that said: "Dave, don't worry about it.

You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last and you're single. Just let it go.."

But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality, whispering.............





















"Dave, you're a vet..."

America currently owes $6,803,794,168,784.52, in otherwords, a hell of a lot of money. (http://www.publicdebt.treas.gov/opd/opdpenny.htm). America owes more money than all of the Third World put together. The difference is this, America can make its repayments, cover the interest, and still afford to do things; the Third World countries have such low GDP that they can neither make the repayments, cover the interest, or afford to survive.

The major problem with all of this is that the American government is deregulating and privatising all of its former businesses, hence, it is losing most of its assets. When you sell off your assets you get money, however, it is merely short term gain. When one owns nothing to make money from, that leaves one with very few options for making money in the future.

The two popular methods favoured by the American government for making money without having any assets are as follows:

1. Loot and plunder; and
2. Tax the people.

You can not continue increasing tax on the people or there is voter backlash, this leaves looting and plundering as the preferred way for making money. Looting and plundering effectively increases the tax base and brings foreign money into the country.

Australia, being a mere lap dog for America, is following in the same footsteps. The government is creating a privatised user pays system. This is most problematic. Australia does not have the initial: resources; population; or freedom from a monarchy to successfully loot and plunder other countries as successfully as America. Furthermore, since the slave trade has been outlawed, and for good reason, Australia does not have the capacity to rise to the top of the world stage through utilising slaves in the same methodology adopted by the Americans. Therefore, increasing the tax base through plundering other countries is not an option. This leaves Australia with the option of taxing the people with ever increasing amounts and joining in all the good wars with our white-is-right-west-is-best-friends with the faint hope that they will recognise our token efforts with a token donation.


Onward [C]hristian [S]oldier!

"We'll roll on with our heads held high
Our conscience in the gutter
Our dreams up in the sky" -- The Living End.

Your feet stick to the melted tar on the bitumen roads, the door handles of the car are hot to touch, and the best topic of conversation people can come up with is "damn it's hot today" -- so on the bandwagon again I jump -- I think this bandwagon jumping of mine lately will ultimately lead to my downfall, however, on the upside after my inevitable downfall, the only way to go will be up!

Hot. Humid. Overcast. It is one of those days where not even the air conditioner at work seems to make any difference to the temperature. I'm sitting here on lunch break: worn out; sweating like a pig (sure as we all know pigs don't sweat, but hey who am I to argue with a cliche?); and starving.

I have been up since 6 am. I have been at work since 6:30 am. It is now 1pm. I have had 2 cups of coffee, and one bowl of cereal to keep me going today.

It is one of those days when a dip in the pool, a glass of iced water and an afternoon nap would be heaven. However, here I am part way through a work day. It will be a struggle to get through this day without falling a sleep. I am working for clients who barely seem to care about doing things properly. I am frustrated and tired.

I just want today to end.

Working for a living is for suckers -- don't ever let anyone convince you otherwise.

The first related google search item that blogger recommends that you go to after reading my website is this:

Knights were professional soldiers, high in the order of chivalry, bearing the most noble arms, and riding the best horses. Most knights traveled looking for work, to do battle. An invading army in 1066 and the need for the people of the crown to supply fighters for the home lands brought noble knighthood and chivalry to England.

[http://www.castles-of-britain.com/castle35.htm]

I have just realised this was the second time I've used Slim Dusty on my site -- this is a very very scary realisation.

Apparently NASA has two fake owls bought from Wal-Mart and a fog horn that they use to scare woodpeckers away so they don't peck through the space shuttles before take off -- with safety mechanisms like that, it is no wonder they have problems!

*jumps on the bandwagon*

A Pub With No Beer - Slim Dusty (1927 - 2003)

It’s lonesome away, from your kindred and all
By the campfire at night, where the wild dingoes call
But theres nothing so lonesome, so morbid or drear
Than to stand in a bar, of a pub with no beer
Now the publicans anxious, for the quota to come
Theres a faraway look, on the face of the bum
maids gone all cranky , and the cooks acting queer
What a terrible place, is a pub with no beer

Then the stockman rides up, with his dry dusty throat
He breasts up to the bar, pulls a wad from his coat
But the smile on has face, quickly turns to a sneer
When the barman said sadly, the pubs got no beer

Theres a dog on the v'randah, for his master he waits
But the boss is inside, drinking wine with his mates
He hurries for cover, and cringes with fear
Its no place for a dog, round a pub with no beer

Old billy the blacksmith, first time in his life
Has gone home cold sober, to his darling wife
He walks in the kitchen, she says your early my dear
But he breaks down and tells her, the pubs got no beer

It’s lonesome away, from your kindred and all
By the campfire at night, where the wild dingoes call
But theres nothing so lonesome, so morbid or drear
Than to stand in a bar, of a pub with no beer
Now the publicans anxious, for the quota to come
Theres a faraway look, on the face of the bum
maids gone all cranky , and the cooks acting queer
What a terrible place, is a pub with no beer

[completely lifted from: http://members.iinet.net.au/~dehere/greymatter/00000573.html]

My birthday is coming up soon. My birthday list is as follows:

1.
The Holy
by Daniel Quinn
ISBN: 189395630X
Context Books

2.
The Story of B
by Daniel Quinn
ISBN: 0553379011
Bantam Books

3.
The Culture of Make Believe
by Derrick Jensen
ISBN: 1893956288
Context Books

4.
1984
by George Orwell
ISBN: 0451524934

5.
Neil Young - Mirrorball

6.
Marvelous 3 - Hey Album

7.
Rush - Chronicles

8.
The Black Crowes - A Tribute To a Work In Progress

9.
Spearhead - Stay Human

10.
Bob Dylan - Best of Volume 1 and 2.

11.
KLF - The White Room

12.
Manic Street Preachers - Forever Delayed

13.
Placebo - sleeping with ghosts

14.
Wilco - Mermaid Avenue

15.
Billy Bragg - Don't Try This at Home, or Back to Basics

16.
DJ Shadow - Private Press

17.
Pharcyde - Cycleways: Best of

18.
Jurassic 5 - Power in Numbers

19.
Singe Video Theory

20.
100 Best Album Covers
ISBN: 078944951X
DK Publishing

21.
Entire Led Zepplin Collection on Vinyl

22.
Wallet

23.
Brown socks for work

24.
New graphic card

25.
Digital camera

26.
Flatscreen monitor

27.
CD Player

28.
Charcoal coloured trousers

29.
Corolla (Will accept a Pulsar, Mazda, Civic, *gasp* Vectra or *horror* Barina)

30.
New computer chair

31.
A Buddha statue, red preferably.

32.
Cold, hard cash.

All donations can be sent to Adam c/o his address.

...............
................

Hail Hail --> Pearl Jam (Gossard, Vedder, Ament, McCready)

Ah, is there room for both of us? Ah, both of us apart?
Are we bound out of obligation? Is that all we've got?
I kiss the earth and then I get to thinking, I don't want to think I want to feel.
Oh how do I feel? And fucking how do I...

Like you're the only one and I'll never be enough. Yeah.
Hail, hail, the lucky ones. I refer to those in love. Yeah.

I swore I'd love you til the day I die. Oh and beyond.
Oh are we going to the same place? If so can I come?
It's egg rolling thick and heavy. All the past we carry.
Oh, I could be new. You underestimate me.

If you're the only one will I never be enough. Yeah.
Hail, hail, the lucky ones. I refer to those in love. Yeah.

I sometimes realize that I could only be as good as you'll let me.
Oh, are you woman enough to be my man? Bandaged hand in hand.

I find it on the run in a race that can't be won. Yeah.
Hail, hail, the lucky ones. I refer to those in love. Yeah.
If you're my only one. I want to be your one.
I want to be the one. Enough, you win. Enough, you won. Yea-ooh.


.................
..................

Talking of nostalgia. I have been keeping it real ol' school 80's style out the front of my house the past few weeks with a bottle of water. For those not in the know, back in the 80's there was this crazy notion that if you filled a bottle of water up and left it near a tree, or mail box that no stray dog would urinate on it --> where this stupid idea came from? who knows! but I thought i'd try and start a revival. So far, one guy in the street has followed --> I don't know what kind of drugs he is on, unless he's just keeping the 80's going as well !

For nostalgia's sake my first blog entry:

Sat May 31, 08:13:19 PM | Adam

Ok. Here goes nothing *takes a deep breath*:

"The history of all hitherto existing society is the history of class struggles.

Freeman and slave, patrician and plebian, lord and serf, guild-master and journeyman, in a word, oppressor and oppressed, stood in constant opposition to one another, carried on an uninterrupted, now hidden, now open fight, a fight that each time ended, either in a revolutionary reconstitution of society at large, or in the common ruin of the contending classes.

In the earlier epochs of history, we find almost everywhere a complicated arrangement of society into various orders, a manifold gradation of social rank. In ancient Rome we have patricians, knights, plebians, slaves; in the Middle Ages, feudal lords, vassals,
guild-masters, journeymen, apprentices, serfs; in almost all of these
classes, again, subordinate gradations......."

Ok so I actually stole that from the Marx and Engels Communist Manifesto but for a second there I actually sounded almost intelligent, I can assure you it shant happen (very often) again.

My family was once in self destruct mode. A few years back my father was, at least I believe, an alcoholic, and when I say was, I really mean still is. The major difference is, now, when he drink he binge drinks he only drinks once per week. Often at times he has been able to limit himself to less than 10. For him it is a big step. He has a drinking problem in that he usually can not stop once he starts. However, he can not afford to drink very often, and only indulges weekly. This, I guess, is his way of coping with a problem he doesn't seem to admit he has.

My father lost his job many years ago, through no fault of his own. It was not because of lack of work ethic or anything, to the contrary, he was their best worker, and they really struggled to survive without him. When the head office heard about what happened they even offered him a higher up position than he had -- but he didn't want to uproot his family and leave everything he had grown to love. So, unemployed he became. This was the lowest point in my fathers life, and in mine. He did nothing but drink and fight (physically? No: verbally? Yes). We barely had enough money to survive -- to this day I have no idea how the hell my family pulled through it in one piece. My father's addictive personality really became apparent. My mother gave my father an ultimatum -- the home brew, or the family; he couldn't have both. To his credit he chose us. I love my father and believe him to be a very hard working, honest, good man -- despite his problems.

My brother seemed to follow in the same footsteps as my father when he was on his self-destructive spiral. Marijuana and alcohol were his drugs of choice initially. They say that most people who smoke marijuana are trying to self medicate, there is even debate over whether the marijuana causes the mental illness often associated with it, or if the illness exists and the person has a predisposition to taking the drug because of it. At one time my brother was smoking enough marijuana per day that when he was caught by the police with it, they didn't consider his daily amount personal use, but dealing. Luckily for my brother, that by the time the case made it to court 3/4 of the drugs had mysteriously disappeared in the lock up before they had the opportunity to weigh and label it.

My brother moved onto magic mushrooms. One night my mother sat there nursing my brother as he shook backwards and forwards crying about the fact he was dead. All she could do was try and convince him that: he was still alive; roads weren't made of cockroaches; he hadn't burnt down our house because we were sitting in it; and there wasn't an old lady hitting him with a broom.

The speed, ecstasy in combination with alcohol, marijuana and fumes from fibreglassing were my brothers undoing. It is a poorly known fact that fumes from fibreglassing can send people crazy. My brother was having panic attacks that were uncontrollable. It was then that my brother had an awakening. He had two choices: 1. take more drugs until the pain and problems weren't noticeable due to him being incoherent; 2. stop taking them. To his credit he chose option 2. This was when he went to detoxification. My brother never realised he had really had such a problem until he tried to give up. He went through the whole kaboose, shakes included. My brother has commited crimes, my brother has taken drugs, my brother has done things I don't care to repeat. My brother has turned his life around. I love my brother, and would stick up for him in most situations -- but isn't that what family is all about? (even if there would be some doubt in the back of my mind)

My cousin. My cousin has had troubles of late. Her father is overbearing, violent, and agressive. He will not let her have friends over unless he approves of them. He does not approve of friends if they: swear; wear hats inside; smoke; drink; take drugs; or are of what he considers a lower socioeconomic class. Her father, my uncle, has never approved of any friend of hers she has chosen for herself. She has tried to kill herself recently. As many as 5 times. It may all be an act to get attention, and it is very noticeable by the way inwhich she goes about it, but even an act for attention has an underlying reason. She has been taking drugs, having sex, drinking alcohol, and not going to school: she is on the same downward spiral my brother was on. My uncle blames my brother for her downward spiral, which is strange, because my brother hasn't really had that much to do with her since my uncle decided my brother was unfit to associate with his family.

My cousin ran away from home and was found by the police with someone they considered to be an "undesirable person". She refused to go home. So to my grandmothers she went. This was a dilemma, how exactly can an elderly woman with a bad heart and no inkling into the modern world look after a rebellious 14 year old? -- in short she can't. DOCS (department of community services: they look after children and childwealthfare and the like) has been looking after her case recently -- they feel it is an unsafe environment for her to be in at home, they feel that the best place for her is with my parents. Now this has created a rift in the family -- my parents were told not to tell them (her parents) where she was, because they (her parents) were happy to have her on the streets and DOCS decided officially that her parents are unfit to have her. Her parents ultimatum was -- "either you do what we say, or you get out" - and she chose option b. So now we have my uncle going to my grandmothers place in a rage until he gets an answer from her where their daughter is, today was the day he turned up at my parents house --> the result of the events? I'm not sure. I haven't been game enough to ask.

My mother is a nervous wreck. She is scared of what my uncle might do to her. She is also scared and unsure of whether or not she can raise my cousin and help her out. She told me: "We've been through this before with Craig. We understand where she is coming from. We have lived through this before. Who better to take over when her life is spiralling out of control than us? We've done it before! We've got Craig through it. We can get her through it." ..."Her parents wanted her on the streets! On the streets! They'd rather have her on the streets than living with us! They'd rather have her on the streets than living with their grandmother! They'd rather have her on the streets! They don't even know what the streets are like!" What does my mother do? DOCS insist my cousin stays with her, and that if her parents turn up she calls the police. Her parents insist that my mother is unfit to be a mother because of the way my brother turned out -- which makes me feel fantastic knowing they think so lowly of my mothers parenting skills that they would rather have their youngest daughter on hte streets than in her care. My mother is actually a very hard working, honest, intelligent, understanding, caring, and articulate woman. These are the kind of traits I would be proud to have in any mother. I don't know how my mother is going to cope with all of this stress upon her already diabetes weakened body.

Craig, my brother, is the secret weapon in this equation that my unlce refuses to admit exists. He has been through a lot worse than what my cousin is going through when he was on his downward spiral. Craig is the one person who she will listen to. It will be up to Craig to help, guide, and counsel her. My biggest worry right now is that I hope my brother can handle the life of an impressionable 14 year old. It is a lot of weight on the shoulders of a 21 year old, who has barely managed to keep himself on track.

I just hope that in the end everything will work out for the best.

"This is the third time; I hope good luck lies in odd numbers. Away; go. They say there is divinity in odd numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death."

- William Shakespeare, The Merry Wives of Windsor (Falstaff at V, i)

All my archives have dissapeared! :(

I got caught at the gym yesterday getting some water to drink from the tap. There is this large sign there:

"for employees only - bottled water is available for purchase from the front counter"

This instructor comes up to me and was like : "are you here for hte body balance class?" so, in caught red handed fashion, I was pretty much like "umm yes, yes I am" so body balancing I was.

As much as I am ashamed to admit it, it wasn't to bad. There was a bit of pilates, a bit of yoga, a bit of tai-chi, and a bit of something else that I can not for the life of me remember the name of it. It sounded asian, and when I inquired about where it was from the instructor pretty much answered with "i don't have a clue, but considering I teach it, I really should look into it so when beginners like you ask me I don't sound like a bafoon", I just replied with a "we'll just say it's asian, it sounds asian, good enough answer for me."

One of the ladies there told me that I would be hurting tomorrow, and in brash fashion I was like "I've done so many exercises today that whether I had done the body balance class or not I'd be hurting the next day". However, here I sit, sore all over, and cursing the day I decided to do body balance. Will I go again next week? Maybe; it's not such a bad thing to cool down with after a day at the gym, and god knows I could do with some flexibility.

A very good friend of mine, and I hope she doesn't mind me calling her that, lifted part of my site to add to hers. They always say that imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. I am touched that she felt something I have to say was actually worth reading. (and proud of her that she actually referenced it --> unlike the last two persons who took something from me, one of which got it published under their name, and the other who literally stole my entire website and changed the name!) .

So in her honour I am stealing part of her site and adding here...
"Saturday, Sept. 20, 2003
i am soooo flattered

dashboard confessionals are a new favourite obsession...

i am so incredibly flattered that someone actually took the time to read me and add me to their list....

and i read their diary and it is awesome

desire to fall.. if i quote you sometimes i apologise, but it just means you have inspired me so feel flattered...

joined a diary ring, which will be interesting..

thinking of upping to a gold membership

which will be interesting again

i dont think my diary is popular enough to have that type of thing

hell i dont even know how many people bloody read it lol..

i dont think anyone has signed my guest book


theres my incoherent gabble


now to get ice cream and write from the heart


come together or fall apart "

Oxymoron n : contradictory terms.

eg. 1)War as a means to end terror.

2)War as a means of keeping peace.


Universal Soldier - Donovan

He's five foot-two, and he's six feet-four,
He fights with missiles and with spears.
He's all of thirty-one, and he's only seventeen,
Been a soldier for a thousand years.

He'a a Catholic, a Hindu, an Atheist, a Jain,
A Buddhist and a Baptist and a Jew.
And he knows he shouldn't kill,
And he knows he always will,
Kill you for me my friend and me for you.

And he's fighting for Canada,
He's fighting for France,
He's fighting for the USA,
And he's fighting for the Russians,
And he's fighting for Japan,
And he thinks we'll put an end to war this way.

And he's fighting for Democracy,
He's fighting for the Reds,
He says it's for the peace of all.
He's the one who must decide,
Who's to live and who's to die,
And he never sees the writing on the wall.

But without him,
How would Hitler have condemned him at Labau?
Without him Caesar would have stood alone,
He's the one who gives his body
As a weapon of the war,
And without him all this killing can't go on.

He's the Universal Soldier and he really is to blame,
His orders come from far away no more,
They come from here and there and you and me,
And brothers can't you see,
This is not the way we put the end to war.

Freedom


"Let us imagine a raven flying through the air in such a manner that its motion, as observed from the embankment, is uniform and in a straight line. If we were to observe the flying raven from the moving railway carriage, we should find that the motion of the raven would be one of different velocity and direction, but that it would still be uniform and in a straight line" --Albert Einstein on relativity.

Freedom is relative: everything is relative. Freedom is subjective: everything is subjective. Is anyone truly free?

America, at best, has a loosely representative democracy. Is there any direct vote to the president? --> no way in hell would they let the people have that much freedom and choice. More often than not, which has become most visible lately, particularly with all of the infighting in the pentagon about the debacle, America is a plutocracy. There is no disputing the fact that there is financial gain in every endeavour America embarks on. So who is it that rules America? Big business. Big business funds politicians. Big business makes American internal policy. Big Business makes American foreign policy. You either fold to big business, or you don't get your election campaign funded --> simple as that.

"Unopposed Senate candidates -- 17 of 18 of whom were incumbents -- raised on average $88,229, whereas Senate candidates in competitive races raised on average only $83,682. Of all money contributed to candidates for the General Assembly, fully 74% went to
incumbents in uncompetitive or uncontested races. " [http://www.progressivemaryland.org/research/election/Reports/2001/Introduction.pdf.]

Australia, my home country, also has a loosely representative democracy at best. Do we have any direct vote to the Prime Minister? --> again no way in hell would they let the people have that much freedom and choice. Due to the upper and lower house system of parliment (similar to that of England and America) we end up with a minority rule system of government the majority of the time. The upperhouse gets the final say on everything, and it is always a minor party that has slipped through the cracks to get a seat in the upperhouse that has the balance of power. Does the majorty rule system count for anything? Not at all.

So now we have America with a plutocracy, Australia with a minority rule. All of this is undemocratic. Democracy is something that the media and polititians would have you believe is fundamental to our way of life. However, democracy is something that we have never, and will never truly experience. Democracy is ruling by the people, for the people. What is true democracy? True democracy is a majority rule system. A proper majority rule system is something that would be achieved by going to referendums on every matter --> this would: cost billions to maintain; be impractical; and give to many people, many of whom don't know enough about the issues, a say in the running of their country and we can't have that can we?. Therefore, democracy as a form of government has never been tried, and as such, does not offer freedom.

Communism is the best alternative to democracy, and in a utopian idealistic world the concept of everyone being equal is fantastic. In practice, there lies a problem in that the hard worker subsidises the slacker. In addition to this, the fundamental flaw is a lack of freedom to benefit from your own labours. Communism offers no freedom.

Anarchy, while not a form of government as such, more of total chaos, offers much more freedom than the previous two governments mentioned. When in anarchy you can do whatever the hell you want to do without any repercussions. Is this freedom? No. The problem with anarchy is that it leads to mob rule. The stronger mobs take control of the weaker unorganised persons. The organised chaos theory comes into play. Even the chaos of anarchy has organisation, and organisation is restrictive. Restriction is counter-freedom. So not even anarchy offers freedom.

Can true utopic freedom ever be achieved? No. Freedom is all relative. Freedom to one person is not freedom to another. To the human, the raven is free, he can fly to seemingly where ever he wants to. To the raven, the tern is free, the raven is restricted to the present country it is residing due to being unable to fly over long distances without food, the tern can fly over great vast oceans.

In the end it is what you choose to do with the freedom you do(or don't have as the case may be) that is the most important.

---

The same day that Michael Moore's "Stupid White Men" book turned up in the mail, I saw his video "Bowling for Columbine" in the video store --> either it was fate, in which case someone was playing some cruel trick on me, or complete coincidence, but either way I hired it out.

"Bowling for Columbine" as a documentary doesn't quite go down the same track I would have for something of its nature. I feel that Michael Moore lost his way at times and it was a bit haphazard in structure. But that aside, every human being should see the movie. If nothing else, you get to see the most hilarious low budget previews you will ever see in your entire life at the beginning of it --> it's worth seeing it just for them!

The low budget randomly chosen horror movies of the week are: Tales from the Crypt - Demon Night which is fantastic. and Rats, which I haven't seen yet, unless it's the telemovie I once had the displeasure of seeing one time when I was on school holidays....

I've just realised I sound like one of those review type of things...only they always have all of these zany comments through out and in jokes about movies...ah well...

I think I'm either:

1. getting more unfit;
2. training harder without realising it;
3. it's getting much more humid each week;
4. over training; or
5. not eating enough food to fuel my body.

For my sake I hope it's option 3.

Tilt-up Panels

Designing tilt-up panels will be the death of me as an engineer. There's a million different guides on how to do them, including: recommended practices, guidelines, standards, superseded standards, construction practices, etc etc.

The major problem is that all of these guidelines and such all refer to each other --> it reminds me of when I was younger and checked the dictionary to see the definition of "dude" it said: "a fine and dandy gentleman" so that led me onto my next conundrum, what the hell did dandy mean? it said: " a cool dude" and an 8 year old Adam was left none the wiser.

Now I find myself, 22 years old, going from one tilt-up panel guide to another to find how to do something, and being told to check the guide I was just in for clarification, and again, ending up none the wiser.

Whichever cruel, cruel bastard let engineers write books needs to be shot on that fact alone.

To top it all off I have quotes from university lecturers flowing through my mind:

"we don't teach you how to do tilt-up panel designs because they're a fundamentally flawed concept, and are dangerous"

" you will get a lot of pressure put on you to design tilt-up panels because they're cheap and fast to erect - but just remember, like most cheap things they're nasty and can come back to bite you. Avoid them for as long as you can."

And now I find out that the slang term for craning tilt-up panels into place is a freakin' "suicide lift" because when shit hits the fan - people die! I'm sending some fucker into build something that if there is a small mishap he's going to die!

--> just imagine how high our insurance will be then!

"Why do you write all of this stuff? Do you get any feedback?

I have sent it to a few friends and they think it is boring what you say. They think it is just a diary with nothing interesting in it.

Some have said that you need to get a life. "

Exactly --> it is a diary, with nothing interesting in it. The entire point of me having a web log/diary/blog was so I could write whatever the hell I wanted to write in it.

I don't have to make it exciting, I don't have to be politically correct, I don't have to tell the truth, I don't have to lie, I don't have to do anything unless I choose to do it. You don't have to read it, you don't have to agree with me, you don't have to disagree with me.

You/I/We are free to choose. Although, the extent to which we are free depends on how you want to look at it. Which leads me onto my next rant later this fortnight --> freedom and how free is free.

My poor plant is looking droopy.

I have been reading "Transforming the Mind" By His Holiness the Dalai Lama. The Dalai Lama is one man I have a lot of respect for, and Buddhism is one religion I have a lot of respect for, mainly because it is the only religion I have found that can accept other religions. However, as much respect and admiration I have for the Dalai Lama, this book put me off from the beginning:

"What distinguishes us as Human Beings from other forms of life is that we have far more mental experiences in the form of thoughts and emotions"

How can anyone say that we as humans have more thoughts and emotions than animals? No matter what way you look at it, we are of the same planet as every other living organism. We all experience the same thoughts and emotions. Animals feel: lonely, sad, pain, and love. We are animals. Emotionally there is nothing that sets us apart from the vast majority of any other living organism.

I do not understand why man has this us vs the rest of nature attitude --> in utopia we would be living as one.

Some pics of me we have -->

Assorted Pics, More Assorted Pics, Adam in Pajamas , and last but not least , Adam In Red (all which could have been found by following some simple links on this page, but ah well, it's not very well designed which is probably the reason everyone struggles to click on the links)

--> I think this email a friend forwarded the other day is hilarious, so, I having nothing better to do with my time, have copied and pasted it here:


Dear Boss



1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring
it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.


2. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to
inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me,
advising me at every keystroke.


3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a
chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.


4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the
door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and
opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be
injured and lose all use of my limbs.


5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the
priority. I am psychic.


6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have
nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.


7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could
mean a promotion.


8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular
in conversations. I was born to be whipped.


9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In
fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with
useful information.


10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know
anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to
them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.


11. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to
know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having
to pay so many taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good
manager.


12. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have
been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase.
I'm not here for the money anyway.



Signed
Your valued employee

I'm sitting here contemplating my future, while gnawing on my toe nail that I just ripped off (no it wasn't some self mutilation thing, I was merely bending it backwards and forwards until I could tear it off instead of cutting it - it got infected), and have realised that I need new short term goals - because at this stage I don't have any other than making it to the end of the week. I get up, I go to work, I come home. I need a hobby. Does the gym really count? It's not a hobby - it becomes a way of life, and then an obsession. At least I've not gone that far (yet).

I think spring has out done it's self this year. The birds are singing, the sun is shining. Off to enjoy what is left of my weekend.

Now that the Iraq war is supposed to be over -- it's business as usual, OPEC will be bypassed, oil prices will plummet, the middle east will become more unstable than it already is --> where does this leave us? with a cheaper fuel that ruins the environment and causes harm to all of mankind. Why don't we have a cheap alternative source of fuel that is environmentally sound? we have many, but while there are oil reserves left in the world to plunder we're never going to be using any alternative --> we need adversity before we will adapt, and that time hasn't come yet, it is a few decades away.

I just hope that when all is said and done there will be enough humanity left in whatever form of man survives to not make the same mistakes we have. Am I falling into the trap of saying my generation has ruined the world, and it's up to the next generation? but of course, it's what the generation before me, and the generation before them, and before them, and before them...will things ever change? I hope so.

It is a really nice day today - I'm planning on going for a run later then to the gym for my cardio. I am meant to do 3-4 cardio sessions per week, plus 2-3 weights sessions according to my "program" but the most I can manage is one weight session and 2 cardio (including punch for fitness). Already been to the gym for my weights session - I'm not sure I can handle too much more of this extensive gym training, I think I've plateaued, I'm not sure if I've physically plateaued or mentally plateaued because of all the extra effort I have to put in to physically go to the gym rather than just doing my old home program --> either way it's not a great way to be. I'm going to persevere as long as I can and we'll see how I go.

Back to the weights.

My completely unedited, poorly: thought out; punctuated; and spelt thoughts on creation --> for whatever they may or may not be worth.

The big bang seems to be the most obvious explanation of how the universe was created. Now, as some people seem to think, this does not exclude any form of God or higher order of being from having a hand in the creation of the universe, it simply means that whatever higher order of being created the universe created it in such a way that it began as a single entity, and is expanding out in a very rough correlation with the laws of physics.

You might say that if a form of God did have a hand in the making of such a universe that he/she/it would have created in it to be a final product, with no need for expansion and growth, however, creating a universe that is: expanding and growing; that has flaws, weaknesses; that has strengths; and that can be modeled loosely on the laws of physics is no more different than a landscape architect designing a garden with the idea of growth and expansion in mind. Fundamentally this analogy is wrong due to the fact that God is meant to be all knowing, all powerful, and perfect in every way, but if we are to understand where religion creationist theory is coming from for the purposes of the argument we must give God some form of human characteristics if for no other reason than to understand what would possess him to do such a feat to begin with.

So, we know that the universe is expanding which suggests it began at the same point --> what is it expanding into? We don’t know, however, we do know that it is slowing down which suggests that it is running out of room. What was there before the universe? Who knows? Our laws of science have no explanation because it was not until the creation that they have become valid. Time as we know it did not exist, and infact has only existed for a very short time. Mankind was a fair few millennia away.

The question is not how the universe was created, but one rather of, who/what/whom created it --> and that is a question best left unanswered by a lowly civil engineer who’s entire world exists around: work; typing up crazy messages for no good reason; keeping relatively fit (or more so deluding himself that he is); watching the people of the world go about their lives; talking in third person for no good reason; and just trying to find someone to hold at night.

Red Bin, Yellow Bin, Green Bin --> your guess is as good as mine!

People often ask me my thoughts on religion and creation - to me they are not one and the same thing - religion has nothing to do with whatever god you want to worship. A half arsed poorly spelt and never edited for grammatical errors commentary I wrote 9 years ao g(except for an update on the intro to make it seem more relevant a few years ago) will give you an inkling into my thoughts on religion, some of my feelings have changed since I wrote it, but for the most part I still feel I agree - personally I'm not totally sure why people are even concerned with what I think, but alas, the question has once again been asked. My thoughts on creation will follow later this week - now for religion:

God Damned Religion

Now I think I will try to tackle the most talked bout, controversial and ridiculous thing known to man, no I’m not talking bout Bill Clinton feeling the need to have his pet Whitehouse pig on bended knee, or even the supposed assassination of JFK by a homicidal maniac, who just happened to be killed by a homicidal maniac loose in FBI headquarters just before his trial, I am of course, as the title suggests going to talk bout religion.

Religion is what seems to control this world as much as money or power does. Sure when you talk religion you think church, you think bible, you think good but it is what you don’t realise that is the issue. The Catholic Church is one of the largest organised crime syndicates in the world. You don’t think the pope (the leader of the catholic church, whom the present one says there is no heaven nor is there hell) got assassinated for nothing do you? The screwing of alter boys, the screwing of nuns, the screwing of the poor, the raping and pillaging of Africa and South America and the screwing of the needy. Some of the atrocities that the Vatican has condoned within its walls for centuries are appalling. Is this godliness? Is this goodness? How can God let these type of people work under his name?

So how is it that a place such as the church and religion can create so much havoc, destruction, and general chaos? More wars are fought over religion than anything else and both sides are fighting for their god! And what’s worse than all this inevitable raping, rioting, pillaging and havoc is the church says it stands for right - is this right? Is war ever right? How can God condone something like war when he stands for good? How can people march under this false banner of righteousness and sleep at night?

The hypocrisy of religion astounds me. The church is meant to be there for the poor, for the needy to give them hope, to give them something to live for and yet the first thing that happens in a church is they pass round the plate for you to put cash in, the poor can’t do this, the needy can’t do this - so who exactly do they think they are catering for?

You never see a drug addict in church, you never see a street person in church, you never see a poor person in church, these are the people who need religion, these are the people who need hope, who need to know there is someone who cares for them and yet the church who claims to do this does not accept them in its doors.

Those charities out there run by churches, when you have figures in excess of 80% of the profits going into advertising, marketing, and book keeping, what does this say bout how much they work for the good of man? Are they even helping the people they claim they are at all?

Now that gets me onto another issue, the bible. How can one say that the bible is something to run ones life by when it has been changed, sections omitted to protect the religious cause, translated, re-translated, has been written by god knows how many people who each contradict each other more than I damn well do ! thou shall not kill, but thou shall take the guys eye out if he takes yours out - is there anything more contradictory? Then there’s the whole part in the bible taken out in the Middle Ages about reincarnation - Jesus believed in it! They couldn’t have him saying reincarnation existed or the whole heaven thing would look damn stupid wouldn’t it?

There have been reports of great floods in all forms of religion for thousands of years before the birth of Christianity, the story of Mosses has been told before in other religions before the birth of Christianity, great fires, plagues, famines the end of the world has been told before in other religions before the birth of Christianity - which wasn’t even documented correctly by a few decades. (Editors note: if they can’t even get the birth of Christ right, something you would think important in a book about his life, how in the hell can they get anything else in the bible even remotely correct?)

Is this collection of plagiarized short stories, lies, and half-truths something we should admire, and run our lives by its message? The bible was merely a book that was in the right place at the right time, it's not meant as something to live by!

My dog is not the brightest thing in the world, hell he’s been hit by a car 3 times as he insists on running down the middle of the road the same way as the cars go, when it rains he thinks hmm wonder what causes that - maybe it’s god, there is wind hmm wonder what causes that maybe it’s god again. Perhaps my dog doesn’t think that, in fact I’m not so sure he thinks at all, but it is with this train of thought that religion has been founded upon. There is thunder “oh, ‘tis a vengeful god� there is a bumper crop “’ tis god helping us for making those ritual sacrifices of naked virgins smeared with pigs blood in the fields�. It’s like the way a 2 yr old would answer things, there was no investigation, no thought, no knowledge of weather patterns, no knowledge of a lot of things, we were young, naive, innocent, dare I say stupid? . Saying a figment of our imagination made it flood is no different to blaming an imaginary friend for eating the last cookie in the jar.

If you’re not Catholic you will go to hell and face eternal damnation, if you’re not Seven Day Adventist you will go to hell and face eternal damnation, if you’re not Buddhist you will - is there anyone left who will ultimately make it into heaven?

I’m not against religion as a philosophy; I think it can be very spiritual and calming. I think religion can make you feel at peace not only with yourself but also with the world. What I don’t like is organized religion. If you want to contact your God you should be able to do it in your own way, in your own time. You should not have to go to church, you should not have to pay, you should not have to sacrifice. I know religion can give hope where previously there was none and I realize how powerful hope is, for if we were without hope we would have nothing to live for. I don’t believe in the Bible and its obviously plagiarized fables, I don’t believe in the wrongs man has carried out in the name of his God. I believe religion something that preaches about togetherness is very hypocritical in that it practices separation and division.

A 3 yr old child; “why did God kill mummy?� “It was God’s will, sometimes he works in strange ways but mummy is in heaven she is in much better place�. My great uncle after sitting there dying of cancer for 6 agonising months looked at peace in his final moment, he had made peace with the world - I only hope that one day I too can find peace in this world, and with the world.

God damned religion - from the start his indifference to the world ultimately lead to religions downfall.

Ok - finally I understand it - the guy named the file after his webpage *removes foot from mouth* - he obviously wanted to be caught - but then again, you're not famous until caught now are you?