My Manifesto: The Incoherent Ramblings of a Madman

And without further ado, my birthday list of things I want but expect never to actually get because no one reads this nor if they did would they actually provide said things:

1. Silhouette sunglasses;
2. World War Z - Max Brooks;
3. To know why people are using dynamite outside my window just now;
4. Elliott Smith - Elliott Smith;
5. A bottle or 15 of Wynns Coonawarra Cabernet Sauvignon;
6. A new moleskin gym diary with two days per page and a notes section down the right hand side (ok so it's wanky - but damn it's convenient);
7. Hardcore sex with Angelina Jolie;
8. One (1) or two (2) prints from Alex Andreev in a 4x6 size or thereabouts;
9. EEE PC (or equivalent alternative brand name product);
10. Caselogic vertical messenger bag to carry Item 9 around in;
11. A new Parker pen to replace my other one which someone stole;
12. Someone to invent a phone that can take two sim cards at the same time so I can combine work/home phone incoming/outgoing phone calls - unfortunately I realise it's not in any companies economic interests to do this;
13. A new pair of jogging shoes;
14. Found - Davy Rothbart;
15. The Ecstatic - Mos Def; and
16. Backspacer - Pearl Jam.

By the time I go through my hotmail account and remove the facebook spam, penis enlargement spam, president of nigeria spam, and acai berry spam....there's nothing left :|

A lot of things have changed in my life since my last post and I now see the world in a new and different light. I think I have grown for the better as a person. Actually nothing has changed, because my last post was less than a few minutes prior, but I had to start this post with something...

How cool was Mars Day in Sydney? Sure, I woke up at 5am choking to death, gingerly went to the toilet, washed my hands and my face. Dried them on my white towel. It was then I realised that it looked like there was blood dripping from me with the towel looking like I had just killed someone and was trying to soak up the blood serial killer style...(NB: why do serial killers always use white towels to get rid of blood in movies? surely to god they could use a red towel so no one notices...).

I looked out the window saw a fiery red sky and no buildings or skyline. It in all honesty looked like everything had disappeared and been replaced by a ring of hellish fire. I was expecting either zombies (the new-age fast moving kind) or to hear the hooves of the apocalypse circling as madness reigned. I was then expecting to wake up and it all be a dream; BUT 4 days later I'm still choking to fucking death on red dust, swept from the nuclear testing facilities in the Australian desert, that seems to blow right through closed windows....

If this is a sign of our deserted future - I'm joining an environmental group straight away to try and curb (and to improve my hipster cred) this earth-destroying we're hell-bent on achieving ! Preferably one of those groups who likes to protest naked and have group sex and all the other fun hippy stuff...

EDIT: as a side note; why in the hell do so many people in Sydney have face masks on hand at 6am? Is it just in case they need to wear them when commuting to work through a visibility of less than 10 metres? Clearly I never got the handbook of Sydney survival when I moved here.

My new Training Program is going to be loosely as follows:

Day 1: Full body
Day 2: No lifting
Day 3: Lower body
Day 4: Upper body
Day 5: No lifting
Day 6: Full body
Day 7: No lifting
Day 8: Repeat

Exercise selection will be, at least in the beginning until I've ironed out the bugs;

Day 1: Full Body

A) Front Squat for Speed: 6x2 at 60-70% of 1RM, 45s rest between sets
B1) 1-leg DB RDL: 3x10/side
B2) Alternating Low Incline DB Bench Press: 3x6/side
C1) Chest-Supported Row, Pronated Grip: 4x6
C2) Split-Stance Cable Lift: 3x8/side

Day 2: Off from lifting

Day 3: Lower Body

A) Trap Bar Deadlift: 5x3
B) Barbell Reverse Lunge — Front Squat Grip: 3x8/side
C1) Pallof Press Isometric Hold: 3x3/side (10s hold at lockout)
C2) Glute-Ham Raise (natural, if necessary): 3x8

Day 4: Upper Body

A1) Bench Press: 5x3
A2) Neutral Grip Pull-up: 5x3
B1) 1-arm DB Push Press: 3x8/side
B2) Seated Cable Row — Neutral Grip: 3x8
C1) Band-Resisted Ab Wheel Rollout: 3x8
C2) Side-Lying External Rotation: 3x10/side

Day 5: Off from lifting

Day 6: Full Body

A1) Box Squat: 4x6
A2) Feet-Elevated Push-up: 3x12
B1) Standing 1-arm Cable Row: 3x12/side
B2) Walking DB Lunge: 3x6/side
C1) Landmines: 3x5/side
C2) Supine No Money w/Band: 3x4 (10s hold on each rep)
D) Farmer's Walk: 3x40yds

Day 7: Off from lifting

And I will be generally supplementing it with days of: 50 rep chin ups balanced by 100 rep push ups and some stair or hill climbs.

Come Monday --> let the pain begin.

RIH: "I think I'm going to have 20 kids - let them all free range until they're 5 and whatever's left I'll bring home and raise"

I like her style. I'm cool with that.