My Manifesto: The Incoherent Ramblings of a Madman

Angelina Jolie is having my baby! She bought it on the blackmarket lastweek!!!

Mr Korn confirming the theory that he has no idea what the fuck he is talking about:

Mr Korn said Australia's obesity problem was more pronounced in rural areas because fresh food was more expensive and the health message was a lower priority for residents there.

"Try getting fruit and vegies in Wilcannia - it's so expensive there, it's much cheaper just to go to Maccas," he said.

The closest McDonalds to Wilcannia is 199.43 km, or approximately 3 hours drive. Petrol prices in Wilcannia at the moment are approximately $2.12 per litre - they are always overinflated here, not only because of the remoteness, but also to make up for the amount of robberies that occur and the limited hours of operation. You would be using approximately 30 litres of fuel @ $63.60 just to get to McDonalds, then your standard meal for a family of four would be, say, the meal deal containing the chips, drink, and big mac or alternative burger at approximately 5.95 each, adding up to around $23.80. That is a total cost of $87.40 aka one expensive fucking meal just to get your meal. Then you have to go back home!

Personally? I'd take the veggies that are in the only supermarket in Wilcannia that has not been burnt down. The meat is not an issue as most of the inhabitants of Wilcannia are of aboriginal decent and/or live on farms nearby and hunt kangaroos regularly. There we have it. Cheap eats.

Lies and bribes what she had to do to win her freedom - By Mark Forbes, smh.com.au

"MICHELLE LESLIE'S desperation to avoid a 15-year jail term fuelled a stream of lies and deceptions, supplemented by a $600,000 campaign to buy her freedom..."

"Even some of the claims spread surreptitiously by her defence team - that the drugs belonged to the friends of powerful men with her when she was arrested, that the drugs were planted in her bag, and that her drug test result was faked - appear to be false."

"Significantly, Leslie's story has been challenged by the woman who was with her when she was arrested and who was publicly blamed by the Leslie camp for the pills in her bag."

"Doubts have also been raised about Leslie's claim in court that she was addicted to the prescription medication Ritalin. Several sources in the Leslie camp have confirmed the Ritalin story was a concoction. The father of Leslie's boyfriend, Scott, is Neil Sutton, who presides over a $220 million Sydney car dealership. The Herald has established that he provided much of the $600,000 spent to bring her home."

"Some of the money was sent from the Suttons via the drug dealer who had supplied the ecstasy to Leslie and her friends. More than $100,000 in bribes was eventually distributed by some of Leslie's lawyers; $US20,000 ($27,000) was paid to the police laboratory in an unsuccessful attempt to change its test results; another $US20,000 was offered to the Bali police chief I Made Mangku Pastika, but he rebuffed the approach. After Leslie's arrest, Neil Sutton sent one of his senior managers to Indonesia to try help. The man hired several shadowy figures who claimed they could have Leslie freed immediately - and the Suttons were so confident they booked her a plane ticket, the Herald has been told."

Now we sit and wait for the impending libel case. I love a good slander suite.

Ms Leslie's father:

"She's beautiful on the outside, which is obvious to all of you, but from our point of view, she's also a very beautiful soul on the inside.

"...I find it absolutely staggering how un-Australian everybody has been to Michelle, to kick a person when she's down."

I don't care what he says - she looked like an ironing board on drugs crossed with a drowned rat when they hauled her arse into the slammer the first night. No one takes amphetamines while raving to treat an attention disorder. How many mysterious "friends" can she claim owned the drugs and expect to get away with it? And Mr Leslie - the government owes you and your daughter nothing but governance. Just as it owes me nothing - it owes you nothing.

This is really eerie. It reminds me of the melting man which is some type of pg rated 80's horror movie that scared the hell out of me when i was younger. By 80's i really mean late 70's and by horror movie I really mean dodgy sci-horror and by pg i really mean R rated.

The Hoff Announces Australian 'Ready For Action' Tour
(Soundbuzz, Wednesday November 16, 6:00 PM)


Musical 'Ready For Action' Tour David Hasselhoff, the talented star of 'Young & the Restless, 'Knight Rider', 'Baywatch', feature films and Broadway is once again, 'Ready For Action'. His one of a kind concert, which will kick off its world tour in Australia, showcases the musical talents that have made him an international recording star. Along with his sexy back-up ensemble, hilarious, rarely seen video clips and of course 'Kitt', his infamous car, Hasselhoff sings, dances and drives in this hip and sexy extravaganza. Can't wait - neither can we!

What in the hell is going on? Has the world gone mad? Please! Please shoot me now!

Now this is funny.

From: "Stuart Rapley"
To:
Subject: Re: [Ausarch-l] Intelligent design
Date: Mon, 14 Nov 2005 18:43:48 +0800

In that case I submit the case of the flying spaghetti monster, seeing as we mustn't assume that any single idea is correct then the belief that the universe was created by the flying spaghetti monster must hold equally.
What is the flying spaghetti monster? All is explained in this recent open letter the Kansas school board in response to their decision to allow Intelligent design to be taught in classrooms. I will post in full rather than give a link as some cannot click links at work

OPEN LETTER TO KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD:

CC:
DOVER SCHOOL BOARD (PENNSYLVANIA)

OHIO STATE SCHOOL BOARD

RIO RANCHO SCHOOL BOARD (NEW MEXICO)

GRANTSBURG SCHOOL BOARD (WISCONSIN)

COBB COUNTY SCHOOL BOARD(GEORGIA)

SHELBY COUNTY SCHOOL BOARD(TENNESSEE)

CHARLES COUNTY SCHOOL BOARD(MARYLAND)

NAPERVILLE SCHOOL BOARD(ILLINOIS)

DARBY SCHOOL BOARD (MONTANA)

BLUFFTON-HARRISON SCHOOL BOARD (INDIANA)


I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.

Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.

You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.



In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.

Sincerely Yours,

Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.

P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain, trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures.

ASTANA (Reuters)- Kazakhstan's Foreign Ministry threatened legal action Monday against a British comedian who wins laughs by portraying the central Asian state as a country populated by drunks who enjoy cow-punching as a sport.

Now everyone who hasn't heard of Borat from Ali G now have and thus Kazakhstan has made a mockery of themselves.

Strike! Strike! Out the door for 24 - if that doesn't work - out the gate for 48!

Damn. I was threatened with immediate dissmisal if I went on strike today. With the new laws the government is trying to put into place I will also get fined for striking. They're trying to take away half of the workers rights and make you have to bargain for everything - will it affect me? I hope not. Will it affect the unemployed or the yet to be employed? Damn straight. I hate the way we are heading.

I think we need to take after the french - they work less hours than we do and yet still have greater output. Sure they also riot - but everyone loves a good riot every now and then.

Off with their heads! Off with their heads!

Some days seem to never go according to plan. Today never even had a plan - so it was off to an even worse start because the plan to make a plan fell-through. The time was unusually long getting home - for no good reason. I'm pretty much falling apart work-wise and so are the structures I'm meant to be looking after. My bank account says I have no money - I hope I do. :|

I just cannot fathom rioting french-style. Is that like rioting normally but you don't riot unless you have your wine and cheese? Or does it merely involve chopping off lots of heads? All of this damn car-burning pandemonium only serves as a reminder of one thing - you should be using public transport if it is available. I'd like to see them try and turn a train over to jump on top of and burn! Buses perhaps - but a train would be a challenge!

'We didn't ought to 'ave trusted 'em. I said so, Ma, didn't I? That's what comes of trusting 'em. I said so all along. We didn't ought to 'ave trusted the buggers.

But which buggers they didn't ought to have trusted Winston could not now remember.

Since about that time, war had been literally continuous, though strictly speaking it had not always been the same war. For several months during his childhood there had been confused street fighting in London itself, some of which he remembered vividly. But to trace out the history of the whole period, to say who was fighting whom at any given moment, would have been utterly impossible, since no written record, and no spoken word, ever made mention of any other alignment than the existing one. At this moment, for example, in 1984 (if it was 1984), Oceania was at war with Eurasia and in alliance with Eastasia. In no public or private utterance was it ever admitted that the three powers had at any time been grouped along different lines. Actually, as Winston well knew, it was only four years since Oceania had been at war with Eastasia and in alliance with Eurasia. But that was merely a piece of furtive knowledge which he happened to possess because his memory was not satisfactorily under control. Officially the change of partners had never happened. Oceania was at war with Eurasia: therefore Oceania had always been at war with Eurasia. The enemy of the moment always represented absolute evil, and it followed that any past or future agreement with him was impossible.

It's all smoke and mirrors...smoke and mirrors. Again I am reminded of the book/movie 1984. Euroasia? Oceania? Who are we at war with again? Whomever our government tells us we're at war with and if we don't like it we will be punished.

How convenient of the government to find an imminent terror threat that has to have all of these laws changed so we can stop this said threat because our current laws don't allow for it. What a poor excuse - the last time I was doing law - killing, bombing, plotting destruction and/or demise of another was against the law. Of course we have a damn law that let's us stop a possible terrorist attack - hell even talking to a known criminal is against the law under the current laws so why in the hell would blowing up half of a city need a new law passed to stop it?