My Manifesto: The Incoherent Ramblings of a Madman

My family was once in self destruct mode. A few years back my father was, at least I believe, an alcoholic, and when I say was, I really mean still is. The major difference is, now, when he drink he binge drinks he only drinks once per week. Often at times he has been able to limit himself to less than 10. For him it is a big step. He has a drinking problem in that he usually can not stop once he starts. However, he can not afford to drink very often, and only indulges weekly. This, I guess, is his way of coping with a problem he doesn't seem to admit he has.

My father lost his job many years ago, through no fault of his own. It was not because of lack of work ethic or anything, to the contrary, he was their best worker, and they really struggled to survive without him. When the head office heard about what happened they even offered him a higher up position than he had -- but he didn't want to uproot his family and leave everything he had grown to love. So, unemployed he became. This was the lowest point in my fathers life, and in mine. He did nothing but drink and fight (physically? No: verbally? Yes). We barely had enough money to survive -- to this day I have no idea how the hell my family pulled through it in one piece. My father's addictive personality really became apparent. My mother gave my father an ultimatum -- the home brew, or the family; he couldn't have both. To his credit he chose us. I love my father and believe him to be a very hard working, honest, good man -- despite his problems.

My brother seemed to follow in the same footsteps as my father when he was on his self-destructive spiral. Marijuana and alcohol were his drugs of choice initially. They say that most people who smoke marijuana are trying to self medicate, there is even debate over whether the marijuana causes the mental illness often associated with it, or if the illness exists and the person has a predisposition to taking the drug because of it. At one time my brother was smoking enough marijuana per day that when he was caught by the police with it, they didn't consider his daily amount personal use, but dealing. Luckily for my brother, that by the time the case made it to court 3/4 of the drugs had mysteriously disappeared in the lock up before they had the opportunity to weigh and label it.

My brother moved onto magic mushrooms. One night my mother sat there nursing my brother as he shook backwards and forwards crying about the fact he was dead. All she could do was try and convince him that: he was still alive; roads weren't made of cockroaches; he hadn't burnt down our house because we were sitting in it; and there wasn't an old lady hitting him with a broom.

The speed, ecstasy in combination with alcohol, marijuana and fumes from fibreglassing were my brothers undoing. It is a poorly known fact that fumes from fibreglassing can send people crazy. My brother was having panic attacks that were uncontrollable. It was then that my brother had an awakening. He had two choices: 1. take more drugs until the pain and problems weren't noticeable due to him being incoherent; 2. stop taking them. To his credit he chose option 2. This was when he went to detoxification. My brother never realised he had really had such a problem until he tried to give up. He went through the whole kaboose, shakes included. My brother has commited crimes, my brother has taken drugs, my brother has done things I don't care to repeat. My brother has turned his life around. I love my brother, and would stick up for him in most situations -- but isn't that what family is all about? (even if there would be some doubt in the back of my mind)

My cousin. My cousin has had troubles of late. Her father is overbearing, violent, and agressive. He will not let her have friends over unless he approves of them. He does not approve of friends if they: swear; wear hats inside; smoke; drink; take drugs; or are of what he considers a lower socioeconomic class. Her father, my uncle, has never approved of any friend of hers she has chosen for herself. She has tried to kill herself recently. As many as 5 times. It may all be an act to get attention, and it is very noticeable by the way inwhich she goes about it, but even an act for attention has an underlying reason. She has been taking drugs, having sex, drinking alcohol, and not going to school: she is on the same downward spiral my brother was on. My uncle blames my brother for her downward spiral, which is strange, because my brother hasn't really had that much to do with her since my uncle decided my brother was unfit to associate with his family.

My cousin ran away from home and was found by the police with someone they considered to be an "undesirable person". She refused to go home. So to my grandmothers she went. This was a dilemma, how exactly can an elderly woman with a bad heart and no inkling into the modern world look after a rebellious 14 year old? -- in short she can't. DOCS (department of community services: they look after children and childwealthfare and the like) has been looking after her case recently -- they feel it is an unsafe environment for her to be in at home, they feel that the best place for her is with my parents. Now this has created a rift in the family -- my parents were told not to tell them (her parents) where she was, because they (her parents) were happy to have her on the streets and DOCS decided officially that her parents are unfit to have her. Her parents ultimatum was -- "either you do what we say, or you get out" - and she chose option b. So now we have my uncle going to my grandmothers place in a rage until he gets an answer from her where their daughter is, today was the day he turned up at my parents house --> the result of the events? I'm not sure. I haven't been game enough to ask.

My mother is a nervous wreck. She is scared of what my uncle might do to her. She is also scared and unsure of whether or not she can raise my cousin and help her out. She told me: "We've been through this before with Craig. We understand where she is coming from. We have lived through this before. Who better to take over when her life is spiralling out of control than us? We've done it before! We've got Craig through it. We can get her through it." ..."Her parents wanted her on the streets! On the streets! They'd rather have her on the streets than living with us! They'd rather have her on the streets than living with their grandmother! They'd rather have her on the streets! They don't even know what the streets are like!" What does my mother do? DOCS insist my cousin stays with her, and that if her parents turn up she calls the police. Her parents insist that my mother is unfit to be a mother because of the way my brother turned out -- which makes me feel fantastic knowing they think so lowly of my mothers parenting skills that they would rather have their youngest daughter on hte streets than in her care. My mother is actually a very hard working, honest, intelligent, understanding, caring, and articulate woman. These are the kind of traits I would be proud to have in any mother. I don't know how my mother is going to cope with all of this stress upon her already diabetes weakened body.

Craig, my brother, is the secret weapon in this equation that my unlce refuses to admit exists. He has been through a lot worse than what my cousin is going through when he was on his downward spiral. Craig is the one person who she will listen to. It will be up to Craig to help, guide, and counsel her. My biggest worry right now is that I hope my brother can handle the life of an impressionable 14 year old. It is a lot of weight on the shoulders of a 21 year old, who has barely managed to keep himself on track.

I just hope that in the end everything will work out for the best.

"This is the third time; I hope good luck lies in odd numbers. Away; go. They say there is divinity in odd numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death."

- William Shakespeare, The Merry Wives of Windsor (Falstaff at V, i)