My Manifesto: The Incoherent Ramblings of a Madman

The mastermind of the September 11, 2001, attacks shocked the United States with his warning that US voters will be held accountable for any leader who seeks to persecute Muslims.

"Your security is not in the hands of Kerry, Bush or Al Qaeda. Your security is in your own hands. Any state which does not play havoc with our security would automatically ensure its own security," bin Laden said.

Without making a direct threat of new attacks, he said that "the reasons to repeat what happened remain".

-AFP (www.abc.net.au/news/)

Could it be possible that Al Qaeda is not only being sponsored by George Bush, but also by John Kerry? Now there's a conspiracy theory! Osama may well be the best campaign boost that Kerry has had yet!

I just hope the people listen to the message - if you stop bombing their women and children they will stop bombing yours. In the end - Bush, Kerry, whoever wins, there will be little difference in the world in that regard. Kerry has vowed to track down Osama with all the American might. Bush has vowed to "rebuild" an Iraq that didn't need rebuilding until he burnt it to the ground for a people who don't want him there. What will be the next American cock-up? We can only wait on the edges of our seats in anticipation.

Americka - Rammstein.

We're all living in Amerika
Amerika ist wunderbar (wonderful)
We're all living in Amerika
Amerika
Amerika

We're all living in Amerika
Amerika ist wunderbar (wonderful)
We're all living in Amerika
Amerika
Amerika

Wenn getanzt wird will ich führen
Auch wenn ihr euch alleine dreht
Lasst euch ein wenig kontrollieren
Ich zeige euch wie's richtig geht

(If you’ll dance I’ll guide you
Even if you turn to leave
Let go of a little control
I’ll show you how it really goes)

Wir bilden einen lieben Reigen
Die Freiheit spielt auf allen Geigen
Musik kommt aus dem Weißen Haus
Und vor Paris steht Mickey Mouse

(We’re building a beloved dancing circle (round dance)
Freedom plays on the violin
Music comes from the white house
And outside of Paris stands Mickey Mouse)

We're all living in Amerika
Amerika ist wunderbar
We're all living in Amerika
Amerika
Amerika

Ich kenne Schritte die sehr nützen
Und werde euch vor Fehltritt schützen
Und wer nicht tanzen will am Schluss
Weiss noch nicht dass er tanzen muss

(I know which steps are very useful
And I’ll shootout (point out) your missteps
And whosoever isn’t dancing at the end
Doesn’t know that they must dance)

Wir bilden einen lieben Reigen
Ich werde euch die Richtung zeigen
Nach Afrika kommt Santa Claus
Und vor Paris steht Mickey Mouse

(We’re building a beloved dancing circle (round dance)
I’ll show you the right way to go
Santa Claus has arrived in Africa
And outside of Paris stands Mickey Mouse)

We're all living in Amerika
Amerika ist wunderbar (wonderful)
We're all living in Amerika
Amerika
Amerika

We're all living in Amerika
Coca Cola
Wonderbra
We're all living in Amerika
Amerika
Amerika

This is not a love song
This is not a love song
I don't sing my mother tongue
No, this is not a love song

We're all living in Amerika
Amerika ist wunderbar
We're all living in Amerika
Amerika
Amerika

We're all living in Amerika
Coca Cola
Sometimes war
We're all living in Amerika
Amerika
Amerika

Personal Jesus - Depeche Mode

Your own personal jesus
Someone to hear your prayers
Someone who cares
Your own personal jesus
Someone to hear your prayers
Someone who’s there

Feeling unknown
And you’re all alone
Flesh and bone
By the telephone
Lift up the receiver
I’ll make you a believer

Take second best
Put me to the test
Things on your chest
You need to confess
I will deliver
You know I’m a forgiver

Reach out and touch faith
Reach out and touch faith

Your own personal jesus...

Feeling unknown
And you’re all alone
Flesh and bone
By the telephone
Lift up the receiver
I’ll make you a believer

I will deliver
You know I’m a forgiver

Reach out and touch faith

Your own personal jesus

Reach out and touch faith

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=5527273221
Note: The following is not actually me - I stole it and took the bolder URL at the top and the "blockquote" indent as implying the following was not mine- i have since had questions asking about who's wedding it is that I do not want to go to - I have no freaking idea who's wedding it is, nor do I know who doesn't want to go.

I've been invited to the wedding of a mate of mine who I used to know really well until he started going out with the girl he's going to marry. She's a dog. No really. I haven't seen them since I told her she's a dog over two years ago. They've stupidly invited me to their wedding, but I don't want to go. It's an invite to me '+plus 1" and involves the afternoon reception (a sit down meal in a 4 star restaurant) and evening piss up (a bus will carry you there, and drag you to the nearest b&b or trainstation after. Should be a good day out. All in all I reckon there's a good £150 worth of entertainment if you time it right. No one will know you're not me except the groom and he'll be so pissed trying to forget his new wife's a dog he won't notice. The only thing is, because she's such a dog, they might not get married, so I reserve the right to cancel the bidding.

On 16-Oct-04 at 08:59:59 BST, seller added the following information:

Since listing the tickets I've been contacted by quite a few people who think they're going to the same wedding. As it happens, 3 of you are and want to sell your tickets too. So this auction is now for 5 tickets to the wedding of a mate to a dog that we don't want to go to. Getting five of you into a wedding might be a bit of a gamble, so I'll keep the buy it now price the same, but you're now looking at at least £400 worth of free booze, good food. Even if you have to listen to her dad do karaoke, and watch her mum try to get off with the ushers.

On 18-Oct-04 at 11:50:06 BST, seller added the following information:

For those who've been asking, I can email photo's of the invite. I didn't want to post them as I thought the pink feather trmming might make it a bit too obvious which wedding I'm talking about. Suffice to say they play a pretty good version of 'livin' la vida loca' when opened.

On 19-Oct-04 at 15:29:39 BST, seller added the following information:

I'm getting a lot of questions, so thanks to everyone who's expressed an interest. Unfortunately I'm going to have to dissappoint most of you by telling you that the bridesmaids are likely to be dogs too. I know, it's a marital travesty. The bride's best mate works in a chippy in Colchester, and they always used to go boozing in Stoke with her aunt who I seem to remember had a penchant for DKNY tracksuits, Pineapple Bacardi Breezers and cafe creme. Now, on the basis there's a 100% certainty that at least one of them is a bridesmaid, there's not a lot of optimisim I can inject, is there? That and the fact that I've heard that 2 of the ushers are now trying to sell their tickets on loot having had the tip off about her mother.

On 21-Oct-04 at 13:41:46 BST, seller added the following information:

Blimey - it's all gone a bit Frey Bentos here hasn't it. I only popped out to Petsmart to get the winning bidder a present to take, and I've come back to about a billion questions. Haven't got the time to answer them all but most common ones are: Yes there is a dress code - anything in satin by FILA or UMBRO. Men can substitue ties for big jewellery. Yes the ladies must wear hats - baseball caps or beanies. There's no vegetarian option, although Pedigree Dry may very well be a starter. No, bidding does not include return fare to Brisbane. No, the invite will not get you into the bridal suite. YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO. REALLY. No, I won't marry you. Thanks though. No, I'm not a misogynist, and yes, I do feel guilty... ...but she really really really is a dog. Yes there's much more to this story, but not enough room here. Any publishers out there?

On 21-Oct-04 at 15:17:06 BST, seller added the following information:

eBay have advised me that the current bid may not be genuine. I think 300 grand to go to the wedding of someone you've never met is pretty resonable, but they've advised me to do the pre-approved bidders thing. So sorry kids, but could bidders kindly email me and get pre-approved. Not my idea. promise. good luck.

On 22-Oct-04 at 09:44:25 BST, seller added the following information:

Most of you have hit the nail on the head, you know. I still love the old dog, despite what she did to me. And, thanks to the Colchester Massiv’s “Honk if you’re Twinklydog’s Dog” campaign, she got in touch this morning and we’ve had a good chat. It’s a bit of a gamble, but I’m going to pull the auction, go to Aberdeen and see whether she’ll put a stop to this sham of a wedding and marry me instead. Hope you understand. The cab’s outside, I’ve got to go.

I was here pondering why my new unit has my pubic hair all over it in the most unusual of places. Someone pointed out to me that it's because I walk around naked all the time - I think they're onto something!

I've always known that the skin from barefeet is what keeps dust mites alive - I'm presuming my pubic hair is keeping them going as well. There goes all my dreams and hopes of living alone and never having to wear clothes :(

Georgia woman returns from vacation to find stranger living in her house

Fri Oct 22, 1:35 PM ET

DOUGLASVILLE, Ga. (AP) - A woman came home from vacation to find a stranger living there, wearing her clothes and even ripping out carpet and repainting a room, authorities said.

Douglas County authorities say they can't explain why Beverly Valentine, 54, broke into an empty home and started acting like it was her own.

During the 2½ weeks the owner, Beverly Mitchell, was on vacation in Greece, Valentine allegedly redecorated the ranch home, ripping up carpet and taking down the owner's pictures and replacing them with her own.

Mitchell was a complete unknown to Valentine, said Chief Sheriff's Deputy Stan Copeland. He said he had no idea how Valentine knew Mitchell was gone.

"In 28 years, I've never seen something this strange," Copeland said.

Valentine was being held in Douglas County Jail on a $25,000 bond, Copeland said. If convicted, she could face one to 20 years in prison.

The case came to light when Mitchell, who lived alone, returned home Oct. 4 to find the lights on and a strange car parked in the driveway. Mitchell called police, who went in and found Valentine, who at first pretended she was renting the home.

Later, Copeland said, she admitted she broke into the house with a shovel and was a squatter. She was charged with burglary.

Authorities found a gun and $23,000 worth of Mitchell's jewelry in Valentine's car.

Valentine had the electricity switched over to her name and moved in a washer and dryer and her dog.

Copeland said she was even wearing some of Mitchell's clothes.

This is almost like a B-Grade movie plot! Next she'd be sleeping with her husband and taking her place in the workforce without anyone even noticing the difference!

Today was the day I discovered that it costs $80, in extra cords and plugs that still aren't long enough to quite reach without some minor furniture adjustments, to avoid paying $65 to get another DVD player so that I can view DVD's from my computer on my TV screen at a lesser quality than pure DVD. Tomorrow will be the day that I purchase a $65 DVD player.

The moth saga continues. My clothes are outside being bombarded with the moth armies minions. Inside my garage there is the nest of something that screams "aliens" on the ceiling - I have taken evasive action to quelch their onslaught before it has been hatched. There have been two cockroach casualties in my unit. I will hold my position after utilising my new biochemical weapons - I will live longer than the insects as long as I don't develop a rapid onset of cancer from the carcinogenics. May god have mercy on my soul.

1. I'm sitting here with Everybody Loves Raymond playing away in the background. My stomach is full of $2.80 homebrand frozen pizza and homebrand neopolitan icecream - yes I ate gourmet style tonight.

2. Talking, by MSN to RIH, and sending messages with little thought and little meaning to SMc which are not being replied to because she has either been disconnected or decided to not reply to them -I will give her the benefit of the doubt.

3. I'm scratching the dandruff from my head and scraping it onto my large front tooth with my index finger and using my little finger to scrape out some ear wax.

4. I just filled in the wedding RSVP for AG and FL's wedding - it has to be returned by October 27 and really has no way in hell of making it there in time.

5. My house needs cleaning.

6. My parents are turning up tomorrow and will bring a cordless drill and a coaxial cable with them so I can complete the final thing for my new place.

7. I need to do my washing - it is usually washing night - but the weather is unsettled.

Bast deels! New breekthruo in onljjne phemaci! meteorology
Di:ck:: Hea:lth Pen:isE:nlarge

I decide to take out all of my rubbish from the spare room which I turned into a giant rubbish bin - there are currently gale-force winds blowing my rubbish all over the front yard. I hate wind.

I dropped a sock outside when I was hanging my clothes up last night - by the time I went back there for the next trip there were 2 slugs and a leech on it. i knew my clothesline here was placed in a dark, damp and dingy place - but I never realised it was that bad!

Rhetorical question time: how do I stop moths from getting on my clothes while they are hanging outside attempting to dry?

Roaches: Prowlers Or Prey?

"Because roaches are small animals and cold-blooded, they don't need to eat all that often. A little bit of food can go a long way for a roach. ... (It's) a feast for them."

Cockroaches also aren't picky about what they will eat.

"What do cockroaches eat?" Brantley asked, repeating a reporter's question. "Well, what have you got?"

There are the usual suspects on the cockroaches' menu, of course. But their adaptability can be seen in their choices of cuisine, too. They have been known to eat corks from wine bottles and the glue in book bindings.

"They eat each other, too," Brantley said.

"A roach can live for months on one niblet of dog food," said Dick Fagerlund, UNM's pest management director. "They're just looking for food. They can eat paper, clothing, cardboard. You're not going to starve a roach."

(www.clickondetroit.com/houseandhome/1131568/detail.html)

UN: Iraqi Nuclear-Related Materials Have Vanished By Irwin Arieff (www.reuters.com)

UNITED NATIONS (Reuters) - Equipment and materials that could be used to make nuclear weapons are disappearing from Iraq (news - web sites) but neither Baghdad nor Washington appears to have noticed, the U.N. nuclear watchdog agency reported on Monday.

Satellite imagery shows that entire buildings in Iraq have been dismantled. They once housed high-precision equipment that could help a government or terror group make nuclear bombs, the International Atomic Energy Agency said in a report to the U.N. Security Council.

Equipment and materials helpful in making bombs also have been removed from open storage areas in Iraq and disappeared without a trace, according to the satellite pictures, IAEA Director-General Mohamed ElBaradei said.

While some military goods that disappeared from Iraq after the March 2003 U.S.-led invasion, including missile engines, later turned up in scrap yards in the Middle East and Europe, none of the equipment or material known to the IAEA as potentially useful in making nuclear bombs has turned up yet, ElBaradei said.

The equipment -- including high-precision milling and turning machines and electron-beam welders -- and materials -- such as high-strength aluminum -- were tagged by the IAEA years ago, as part of the watchdog agency's shutdown of Iraq's nuclear program. U.N. inspectors then monitored the sites until their evacuation from Iraq just before the war.

The United States barred the inspectors' return after the war, preventing the IAEA from keeping tabs on the equipment and materials up to the present day.

Under anti-proliferation agreements, the U.S. occupation authorities who administered Iraq until June, and then the Iraqi interim government that took power at the end of June, would have to inform the IAEA if they moved or exported any of that material or equipment.

But no such reports have been received since the invasion, officials of the watchdog agency said.

The United States also has not publicly commented on earlier U.N. inspectors' reports disclosing the dismantling of a range of key weapons-making sites, raising the question of whether it was unable to monitor the sites.

Soooooo the USA found no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq - but they managed to find all of the equipment for making them and damn well stole them to sell for scrap metal or are using them to, erm, make nuclear weapons themselves? Or perhaps even took them all to Israel - now there's a conspiracy theory for you all! I guess in the end they're just taking back what they gave them

Testing out my new washing machine for the first time. Oh the joys of everyday living.

Why are there cockroaches all over my new appartment? and what are they eating? My food here consists of:

1 x packet of beans - in the freezer
1 x packet of steak - in the freezer
1 x packet of pork - in the freezer
2 x packets of bread - in the freezer
1 x bottle of fanta - in the fridge
1 x packet of protein shake - in the cupboard
12 x eggs - in the fridge
2 x bottles of sauce - in the cupboard
4 x tins of tomatoes - in the cupboard

So other than the scum around the top of the sauce bottles - what the hell are the cockroaches eating? (or have I answered my own question *shudders*)

When did Australia suddenly start supporting Ultra Right Wing Conservatives?

Home and hosed.

Where did Labor go wrong this time?

1. Mark Latham is unknown, and unpredictable. Better the devil you know than the one you don't.

2. Mark Latham overestimated the intelligence of the general public by not running a negative campaign to counter-act the bullshit about the economy that the Liberals were spreading. Paul Keating saw a larger drop in interest rates under his helm than what John Howard has. The government of the time has very little to do with interests rates and has very little affect and/or effect on them as long as they continue with well informed policies - it would take a major change of government, such as, bringing in a ruthless dictator, or adopting crazy ideas such as aligning our currency with another countries, or causing civil war or other major revolutionary situations before a government will cause any significant affect and/or effect on interest rates.

3. Labor's strong points of education, defense, workers, environment and healthcare are missing some punch.

Most people realise that education and healthcare are more a matter of the states than the federal government - this is shown by most states being in Labor governments at the moment and people showing they are more than willing to vote Labor in the state and Liberal in the nation.

Defense was not pushed enough by Labor as being their strong-point. They set up most of our alliances and treaties. Labor effectively created our Defense Force - something that has gone into disrepair since the Liberal Coalition has been in power. Our region is much more Australia-friendly with a Labor government than it is with a Liberal government - this has been well documented.

The workers and the environment this time clashed - causing concerns for Labor - this was due to the late introduction of the Tasmanian logging issue. Had people had more time to digest this they would have realised, that, unlike the Liberal alternative, the Labor version at least recognised that there will be job losses and that alternative means of finding employment and retraining will be needed - the loggers believed the Liberal smoke and mirrors job. The Liberals are very good at creating negative advertising campaigns and turning grey areas into black and white - "jobs" or "environment" when the truth is that the Tasmanian timber industry is not sustainable economically, or environmentally, therefore, there are no jobs unless major changes are made. This was an issue that was not pushed heavily enough by Labor and not introduced early enough by Labor.

4. Labor did not respond to the criticisms of the Liberal party earlier in the campaign.

5. If it aint overly broke - we don't need to overly fix it.
Most people have nothing to do with the education system, healthcare, defense, employment, etc etc etc, so don't have a clue what is going on in Australia. Most people don't realise that Australia's education system is in shambles and this once proudly education society is losing students to Asia rather than the reverse trend which used to happen. The foreign students that are educated in Australia - are not the bright students hoping for the best education in the region, they are, more often than not, the stupid rich kids of the rich, who, are buying their ways into a university system because their homeland will not accept them. The education system here is in dire need of shake up - we are falling behind.

People don't realise that the environment is an important economical issue. If we continue to ignore the problems that polluting the environment cause, rather than, finding cleaner more efficient solutions, we will lose the leading market edge that being the first to come out with such solutions brings to a country. If we, for instance, found a clean reliable energy source, we could export this invention to the world and reap benefits from said technology for years to come, however, if we ignore the problem we lose all the investment opportunities, etc etc - it is bad economics to rest on your laurels and stick with the status quo.

Back in the 1970's they started creating malls everywhere in Australia - no one wanted them - no one knew what they were - but the marketers and businessmen created them anyways. This revolutionised shopping as we know it. We need to do the same with environmentally friendly and efficient technologies. Make people realise they need them and that they will lead us into the future forefront of leading the world. It seems we have long lost that pioneering spirit that gave us a knack for creating something out of nothing and being world leaders in anything - what the fuck stole that? Why the fuck are we so apathetic and merely followers?

Adam's Ode to the Black Dog

In ancient Persian folk etymology the word sag (dog) was derived from seh-yak (one third) because one third of its essence is human.

Islamic myths: Three distinct myths of the creation of the dog can be reconstructed from Islamic texts. According to a tradition related on the authority of Ali b. Abi Taleb, when Adam and Eve were cast out of paradise, Satan came to the beasts of the earth and encouraged them with violent cries to attack and devour the couple; his spittle flew out of his mouth, and God fashioned a male and a female dog from it. The male was sent to guard Adam and the female to protect Eve. The enmity between the dog and wild animals was thus initiated.

In a second version, God created the dog from the clay left over from His creation of Adam, which may lie behind the assertion in some sources that dog bones and tissue may be grafted to the human body.

The third myth may be deduced from a tradition about the taboo on eating the dog's flesh because the animal is "metamorphosed"; the implication is that human sinners are transformed into dogs and that eating the flesh would be a form of cannibalism.

A tradition about the domestication of the dog was related on the authority of Ebn Abbas: When Adam was cast out of heaven and attacked by Satan, God reassured him and sent Moses' staff as a means of defense; Adam struck a dog with it, but God commanded him to pat the animal on the head. The animal thus being domesticated, befriending Adam and his seed.

(http://www.cais-soas.com/CAIS/History/dog.htm)

The association of the dog with the devil may have motivated several attempts at eradicating the animal. The Prophet Mohammad (and later Yusof b. Hajjaj) was said to have ordered all dogs to be put to death but to have modified his order to only apply to black dogs, especially those with two spots (noqtatayn) over their eyes.

The black dog figures prominently in magic. Its satanic connections mean that harming it may bring injury or misfortune to the perpetrator. In Khorassan, it is believed that he who kills a dog will lose a child or seven years of bad luck. Such beliefs may at least partly reflect pre-Islamic taboos against harming dogs, reinterpreted to conform to the Islamic association of the animal with evil.

For example, by the 9th century, Zoroastrian concern for the welfare of dogs had already come to be viewed as an attempt to avert the evil eye. Nevertheless, according to one tradition, Imam Husayn was seen eating in front of a dog, to which he gave a piece of bread for each piece that he ate himself.

(www.cais-soas.com/CAIS/History/dog.htm)

Son of Sam Murders

August 22, 1977
When: July 29, 1976 - August 10, 1977

Why: The dog told him to.

The facts: It started when Donna Lauria was shot and killed as she sat with a girl friend in a parked car in the Bronx. By the time it was over, David Berkowitz had murdered five young women and a man and injured seven others. On August 10, 1977, he's caught — a parking ticket places him near the scene of the murder of the final victim Stacy Moskowitz. Berkowitz blames a thousand-year-old demon residing in a black dog owned by his neighbor: "Sam told me to do it…. I had my orders."

The sentence: 365 years at Attica.

(www.newyorkmetro.com/news/articles/03/03/35th/crazedcity/crimes/4.htm)

"Black Dog" was Churchill's name for his depression, and as is true with all metaphors, it speaks volumes. The nickname implies both familiarity and an attempt at mastery, because while that dog may sink his fangs into one's person every now and then, he's still, after all, only a dog, and he can be cajoled sometimes and locked up other times.

The man was in lustrous company - Goethe, Schumann, Luther, and Tolstoy to name but a few - all of them great men who suffered from recurrent depression. Who doesn't have at least a passing familiarity with the notion that depression sometimes acts as a spur to those of a certain temperament and native ability? Aware of how low they will sink at times, they propel themselves into activity and achievements the rest of us regard with awe.

(www.mhsource.com/exclusive/chanceth0196.html)

Black Dog - Led Zeppelin
Hey, hey, mama, said the way you move
Gonna make you sweat, gonna make you groove.
Ah, ah, child, way you shake that thing
Gonna make you burn, gonna make you sting.
Hey, hey, baby, when you walk that way
Watch your honey drip, can't keep away.

Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh, oh, oh
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh, oh, oh

I gotta roll, can't stand still,
Got a flamin' heart, can't get my fill,
Eyes that shine burning red,
Dreams of you all through my head.
Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah...

Hey, baby, oh, baby, pretty baby,
Tell me what you do me now.
Hey, baby, oh, baby, pretty baby,
Move me while you do me now.

Didn't take too long 'fore I found out
What people mean by down and out.
Spent my money, took my car,
Started tellin' her friends she goin' be a star.
I don't know, but I've been told
Big legged woman ain't got no soul

Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh, oh, ah
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh, oh, yeah

All I ask for, all I pray,
Steady loaded woman gonna come my way.
I need a girl gonna hold my hand
Tell me no lies, make me a happy man.

Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah...

Ahhhhhh!

Ooooh-ahhhh

Black Dog on My Shoulder - Manic Street Preachers

There’s a black dog on my shoulder again
Licking my neck and saying she’s my friend
Solitude the one thing that I really miss
Guess my life is a compromise

There’s a black dog on my shoulder again
I’m playing with it but it’s gone to my head
Like carlito’s way there are no exit signs
Freeze me there until I am numb

My mouth is so dry
My eyes are shut tight
There’s a black dog a coming tonight
Black dog’s a coming tonight

My dilemma but not my choice
Winston churchill can you hear my voice
Melodrama there in my kitchen sink
Double vision the way it is

Am I coming home to you again
Or am I stupid just by design
Does it matter if you really ever know
This black dog is out of control

My mouth is so dry
My eyes are shut tight
There’s a black dog a coming tonight
Black dog’s a coming tonight

Am I coming home to you again
Or am I stupid just by design
Does it matter if you really ever know
This black dog is out of control

My mouth is so dry
My eyes are shut tight
There’s a black dog a coming tonight
Black dog’s a coming tonight

The Evil Metaplot Plot
Black Dog Game factory has an evil plan to gather energy for the Wyrm through the frustration and anger of gamers. Its called a Metaplot. In the recent revised editions of their popular RPG games such as Vampire: the Hidden and Zombie: the Putrescence they have made some radical changes to their setting much to the infuriation of many of their long time fans. The books are carefully designed so that additional supplements are practically required to play due to the missing or wrong information and rules in the core books.

Flame wars have erupted on alt.games.blackdog and their own websites forums, some gamers have vowed never to buy their products again while others are claiming the new versions of all the books (they have revised just about every book they have ever printed, and made them all incompatible with the old versions) are way better than the old one, and people sticking with the old ones are sad losers.

Despite all this conflict their sales are better than ever. The reason for this?

The glue in the bindings.

Unknown to the poor saps buying the book the glue Black Dog puts into its bindings contains some rather dangerous, as well as addictive, chemicals. These have two effects. The first is that the potency slowly fades requiring the owners to get new books to get a new fix, not even realising why they crave them. The second is to make them more suggestible, this helps blur the line in the reader between fantasy and reality while reading the book, which is often done during a game. This helps the books violent, nihilistic messages sink in better. Enough negative energy has been developed by these books that a new type of Bane has formed around them.

(www.mants-lair.org.uk/Wyrm/black_dog.htm)

.

Avid readers of my blog - all one of you, including myself - will now be pleased to know that is it official. Joe Blake is a Western Taipan AKA Fierce Snake AKA most toxic and venomous snake in the world AKA most deadly snake in the world AKA the snake that without anti-venom almost 100% death rate AKA not to be messed with snake AKA still kinda cute and timid looking.

My little friend here, Joe Blake, is cute as anything. He keeps popping his vicious fang-wielding head out from underneath the concrete and waving his tongue at me all shy and timid like. He looks like he just wants to be patted - and I would - if I didn't know he was either the most venomous snake in the world (or the 2nd or 3rd most venonmous).

He doesn't look like a brown snake or tiger so I am presuming he's a taipan - and taipans are reknown for being shy and timid - which seems to fit his demeanor to a tee. If he is a taipan I, for my sake, hope he stays all shy and timid - because there's no way I want to be bitten by the bees knees of snakes.

:)
I can't wait to see "shaun of the dead" - all of this remote outback living has me reading a lot of day old Sydney newspapers and longing for a metropolis.

Some words from Rodney Dangerfield (who I thought was a tosser - but his one-liners are good):

1. I was so poor growing up..if i wasn't a boy I'd have had nothing to play with;
2. A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on ove, nobody's home" I went over. Nobody was home.
3. My girlfriend always trys to talk to me during sex. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
4. One day I came home early from work..I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy: "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said:" Because you came home early"
5. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning..put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle fell off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
6. I was such an ugly kid...when I played in the sandpit the cat kept covering me up.
7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
8. I was an ugly baby...my mother never breastfed me. She told me she only liked me as a friend.
9. I'm so ugly my father carried around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
10. When I was born the Doc came into the waiting room and said to my father: "I'm sorry, we did everything we could do, but he pulled through"
11. I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness after I was born
12. I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger back to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said : "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said: "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."
14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next friday.
15. I'm so ugly..I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'd get
16. I went to see my doctor:" Doctor everytime I wake up in the morning and look in the mirror I throw up. WHat's wrong with me?" He said: "I don't know - but your eyesight is fine."
17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a box of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him: "How can I get my kite into the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
19. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in everyroom he leaves a pyramid. His favourite bone is my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times - three of those times I was reading it.
20. One year they wanted to make me poster boy for birthcontrol.
21. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap. He was in the electric chair.
22. I'm so ugly when i was born the doctor slapped my mother.

I do not understand why the timber industry has so much support for John Howards's "Tasmanian Old Growth Forest" plan. Essentially all John Howard is doing is proposing to do is keep the current agreement in place, which locks up around 170,000 hectares of old growth forest compared to Mark Latham's plan to lock up to 240,000 hectares of old growth forests based on scientific analysis to determine which sections of the forest will be of most benefit to business and the environment for logging/preserving. If nothing else - at least Mark Latham is honest enough to admit there WILL be job losses.

The volumetric differences in proposed forestry regions being preserved are so very little that there is very little difference at all in that regard. It seems to me the major difference is in the employment sector. John Howard is suggesting there will be no loss of jobs with the current agreement and increase in preserved sections of forestry, however, Mark Latham has proposed methods for addressing any employment issues that may arise from "locking-up" more forests and is basing it on scientifcic method as to what sections are and aren't "locked". Mark Latham's methodology purely from a scientific and sustainability perspective seems far better than John Howards'.

With respect to the Medicare Gold issue. The longest waiting lists are for the elderly as they need the most operations, this is also compounded by the fact that most doctors choose younger patients over older patients if given the chance to operate on them purely for safety reasons and the ability of the younger patients to recover.

The private healthcare sector supports the plan. The private healthcare sector has stated that there are the doctors and the beds waiting to be used.

It is the public system that has all of the strain on it because the majority of people cannot afford to pay for private healthcare and suffer because of this. The passing of the elderly patients from the state health system to the federally funded private sector is a great idea.

Is it financially viable for the long-term? Hell-no! Is it any more or less financially viable for the long-term than the current status quo? Hell-no!

Either the current or the proposed system are both equally non-sustainable for the long-term, however, the medicare gold plan should prove to be a far more efficient system than the current system which has all of the patients in the public sector and all of the doctors and resources in the private. If we share and share alike we will streamline the process and get the elderly through the system much quicker - sure most of them may die because they will be getting procedures that would previously not be undertaken for health and safety concerns - but in the end most of them will be much better off for having medicare gold.

Penultimate Federal Election: Lower House - Labor; Upper House - Democrats
Last Federal Election: Lower House - Labor; Upper House - Greens
This Federal Election: Lower House - Undecided but leaning towards Independent, Greens, or Labor; Upper House - Greens or Democrats.

p.s
I do not want to hear any complaining from anyone ever again about how stupid the upper and lower house is and how the states should be abolished and how we should get rid of parties altogether.

1) If we abolish the states we abolish Australia. Australia is made up of the states - the states actually own our country and palm off certain aspects of it to the Federal Government.

2) If we abolish the upperhouse we lose our only direct line of voting that makes us a weak form of a democracy. In practice the upperhouse is more often than not ruled by the minority parties - which is undemocratic - but if we abolish the upperhouse we put ourselves into a different form of government altogether.

The best aspect of having an upperhouse in practice is that it gives the opportunity for bargaining, reasoning, and debating about policies rather than the monkey-see-monkey-do lets-follow-party-lines-like-sheep result that we would have without it.

3) If we get rid of parties altogether we get organised chaos. It is like in anarchy, everyone forms alliances, forms "parties" and the like "survivor"-style. Mob rule comes into play. Organised Chaos - essentially we end up with parties whether we like it or not.

I just sneezed all over my monitor and keyboard - er I should say the bosses laptop but old habits die hard - apparently when you wet the touchpads they don't work at all. They get even worse when they're all clogged up with snot.

The Bourke email saga:

It is quicker to download Eudora and install it than it is to use an already installed version of Outlook Express to check emails from the server.

Eudora = 1, Outlook Express = 0.

Long live Eudora.

My new flat smells like me :|.

As many of you probably know, men, such as myself, stink to buggery. We have sweat glands that make us smell like something you've brought up from last nights dinner, at all moments in time, other than when we've just gotten out of the shower and plastered ourselves with deodorant, to a point, that it makes everyones eyes water just walking near us - yes even we realise we put on to much, however, we also realise that if we don't put on to much in 30 minutes we will, more often than not, smell exactly the same as we did before we had said shower.

So my new flat smells like a combination of sweat, blood, tears, body odour, urine, cum, and mouldy gym socks. The worst thing is that no matter what I do it still stinks like myself - silly room deodorisers or no silly room deodorisers.

My toilet smells like urine - ok so this is directly my fault - you know how guys often miss the toilet? and you think: "how the fuck can you miss? you have a barrel to damn well aim with!"; well, what it gets down to is that often the end of the penis where the urine comes out (unsure of the actual name) sort of sticks to it's self (don't ask me why i'm personifying the end of the penis). When it sticks to it's self the urine does not come out straight, it sort of comes out all over the place depending on how the cavity is opening up as the urine pushes it unstuck. This minor issue can easily be overcome by squeezing the end of the shaft before urinating to make sure it is fully unstuck and the urine will pass straight through without any mis-direction. Anyway to cut a long (very long) story short: 3am, new place, half asleep, in the dark, urine everywhere. Luckily I had a mat down whichcan be easily cleaned - however - that requires being in Port Macquarie to do the cleaning, and I am in Bourke at the present time. In addition to not correctly clearing the path for the urine to come out - there is not lifting the seat up (just lazy), the drunkard (we can blame anything on alchohol - and usually do) and the victorian syndrome (see previous blogs on how victorians never seem to hit the target no matter what).

I need to urinate.

Things I need for my flat/unit - the revised list:

one (1) x welcome mat
four (4) x shot glasses
multiple x cushions for futon
one (1) x foot cube thingo
one (1) x large tv (still to pick up from Omar as of today);
one (1) x 3 foot high by 5 foot long bookcase (am planning on possibly creating this myself, or have someone do it for me - I have the plan drawn up);
one (1) x drier (not a necessity considering I don't have my washing machine yet);
one (1) x ironing board (if this list was in any type of priority order this would be much higher);
one (1) x lava lamp (ok - so they're kinda gay - but damn-it I've always loved them and said to myself back when i was younger I would buy one for my house when I got a house - a unit is close enough to a house)
one (1) x plasma lamp (got to find the one CRM gave me - may as well use it instead of my lava lamp because it's already been bought);
one (1) x dart board (I love darts - even if I suck);
one (1) x Japanese flag (I lost my Japanese flag);
one (1) x NSW flag (I have a flag fetish - well not really a fetish - I just use them instead of curtains because they look cooler, gather less dust, and fade less);
one (1) x thing that makes the toilet water go blue
one (1) x one foot by two foot tables to go next to my futon;
two (2) x large cushions for my futon, blue in colour, from Big W last time I saw them, they were across between a pillow and a cushion - very fitting for a futon I think;
one (1) x telstra additional connection;
one (1) x vacuum cleaner (on order - still to arrive);
some x mirrors from Ikea (since moving into a unit - Ikea is now my new favourite store);
one (1) x CD player (or a good soundcard and better speakers for my computer - we'll go with the alternate soundcard and better speakers I believe);
one (1) x VCR and/or DVD player;
one (1) x assorted tools and toolbox;
one (1) x plant stand; and
one (1) x small plant.

Here I sit in Bourke. It is about 38 degrees celcius at 8:20 am. There are flies everywhere. The sky is black with storm clouds brewing in the distance.

I am attempting to download 476 email messages from my work email account - the problem is that it has been stuck on email message number 2 for the past 15 minutes,however, if I don't download them all I will not be able to get any new email messages. I have them all kept on the server so they do not dissapear into the deep abyss that is the internet or dissapear onto whatever computer I am using outlook on at the time. Eudora is my prefered email client, however, the work computers rarely (or more correctly - never) come with it because my collegues have ne'er heard of it. I like the added features Eudora has - and the fact it saves the attachments in their native format so you can access them more readily.

The bridge seems to be coming along well. It looks good - despite the fact it is painted the wrong "historical" colour according to the state and national historical societies - or the correct "historical" colour according to the local historical society. The local historical society literally went around and asked all of the old people what colour they remember the bridge being back in the day - the issue is that memories fade - and the power of suggestion is very strong on someone with a poor memory. The fact that the colours they decided on were not available in the type of paints that they painted bridges with is insignificant in the scheme of things - they have their bridge painted the colours they want it painted - national icon or no national icon - wrong colour or no wrong colour - it does not matter anymore.

Other than the huge socio-economic issues in Bourke - I have the most trouble here with breathing and getting clean. It is so dry and dusty that the air is filled with fine particulate particles that choke me. I always come here with all of the intentions in the world to run in my spare time, like I always have, but inevitably endup running one-block before gasping for a breathe of the heavy air. The "clean" aspect of Bourke is more to do with the level of hardness of the water. You cannot get soap to lather here. So no matter what I do I always feel dirty - this coupled with the dust that is all over everything and the rank smell of the water is not exactly the ideal situation for someone that almost had at one stage an obsessive compulsiveness about cleaning his hands.

I forgot to bring my toothbrush (again) and I forgot to bring some sunglasses (again). The last time I went toothbrush shopping here I realised that people in Bourke either don't clean their teeth, or clean their teeth so much that they have bought out the entire stock of toothbrushes in every store. The sunglasses issue has not been looked into (REM - I am still holding you responsible for ruining my good sunglasses - the only pair of good sunglasses I have ever bought).

It is so peaceful here, between roadtrains and obnoxious children. It is bizarre where they come from (the children). We are essentially 5 kilometres North of the township of Bourke, at North Bourke (aka Back O'Bourke, Gate Way to the Outback, Gate Way to the Never Never, etcetc). There are three houses and a pub at North Bourke, and yet, come school holidays there seem to be children running everywhere. Jumping over the bridge, throwing rocks at the bridge, spray painting the bridge, jumping off the bridge - at one stage there will be anything up to 15 children "playing" on the bridge. They come from the North Bourke side, walk across, and seem to dissapear in the distance - where they come from and where they go I will never know. If it was midnight I would swear they were supernatural.

Anyways - I must bid thee farewell for now.

ALSO - I need a welcome mat for my new place - now that it has actually rained for a week here i'm noticing it's getting a bit on the smelly side on the carpet.