My Manifesto: The Incoherent Ramblings of a Madman

It was a frustrating week. My boss tried to tell me that by using the exact same equation as me, but him calculating the velocity first, and adjusting the height and width to give the calculated velocity is different to calculating the height and width and adjusting the velocity to suit. We're using the same damn equation! We're manipulating different factors in the same damn equation! The optimal solution gives the exact same fucking answers correct to 2 decimal places! AND YET HE insists that, even after 3 different examples giving the exact same answers and 2 days of arguments , which included me finding 2 different sources and worked examples showing my methodology, he still insists my method is a fluke! They base proper scientific conclusions on less sounds results than 3 examples giving the same answer! I was ready to take to him with a brick! A brick I tells ya! I have never felt like hitting another person so much in my entire life before - except for that one time when someone stole some chewing gum from my bag when I was on camp and had the nerve to tell me, that even though I saw them take it, that it wasn't my gum they were eating - I was about to kick that guys arse - but that's another story entirely.

There are some dodgy things engineers rely on in Australia. In masonry design, most of our standards, are based on old wives tales and testing that was undertaken on 3 houses in all of the country. Our road design testing is based on the Californian Bearing Ratio - an INDEX test of all things - as you know, index tests mean bugger all, tell the person bugger all, and count for bugger all - what in the hell are we comparing our soil strengths to those of California for anyway? We're not California. We're no where near California. Laziness is what it is all about. We have rainfall design guidelines that include skew factors, and adjustment factors, and coefficients to adjust American rainfall figures to parts of our country based on one guys assessment of how similar certain parts of America are like certain parts of Australia - we're comparing chalk and cheese! Chalk and fucking cheese! My entire profession is a joke with all of our half baked theories tht get factored up to kazoo to account for the fact we don't want to get sued by some money hungry nutter who watches to much TV.

My physics teacher always refered to Engineering as physics with a hammer. I admired this man for a very long time - but I feel as though I outgrew him purely because of his simple analogy. Conversely, physics can be seen as Engineering in utopia. If you disregard the practical aspect of physics, the experimentation that all of our theories/theorems are based on - you're disregarding the physical part of it, and without the physical part of physics you're left with pure mathematics. Pure mathematics is about as much use to mankind as hydrophobia is to fish. If we take it back one step further, the physical aspect of physics was always researched into as a way of improving our understanding of nature so as to better utilise it when we engineer, whatever it may be, to do our bidding. We've always been selfish in that regard - we rarely simply look into something for the pure reason of knowing how it ticks, it's more so we can gain something from it. Physics/engineering/mathematics whatever we're looking into is for our benefit or we percieve as being for our benefit.

My throat hurts. I will be collecting cans tomorrow to help out APEX. I will be at the gym tomorrow. I keep having a dry cough. I am sick.


R.I.P

Red Cross victims.

I've been sitting here choking half the day. There's damn dust storms. It is getting into the house, into the cupboards, all over my computer. It is getting everywhere. I'm seriously thinking of taking a day off work till it all clears. There are, however, two problems with this idea: knowing my luck, it will never clear; and work is the only place with a huge airconditioner that seems to clear the air so I can breathe properly. I'm doomed to work forever, if for no other reason, than it lets me breathe will these damn storms keep up!

Drugs in Sport! The Sky is Falling! The Sky is Falling!

We’ve heard it all before. The Russians are taking performance enhancing drugs. The Germans are taking performance enhancing drugs.

The Americans? The English? The Australians?
Of course we’re taking performance enhancing drugs! Wake up people! If everyone is taking performance enhancing drugs – how can we possibly compete with them if we’re not doing the exact same thing? We can’t! But we do compete with them, and often beat them, and always have. There are first grade rugby league players at my hometown are on performance enhancing drugs. There’s no money involved with it, there’s not really much glory, there are very few perks. – and they feel they need to take them to win. What does this say about the professional teams? Of course their players are all on drugs. Why don’t we hear about them testing positive? For a few reasons: you can only test positive to something you’re being tested for; you can only test for something you know how to find; and you can only test for something that isn’t masked by another drug.

The AIS (Australian Insitute of Sport) nutritional information sessions for athletes – the first thing they teach you about is what drugs people take to improve their performance, the second thing they teach you about is what drugs to take to mask the performance enhancing drugs you’re taking – coincidence? Maybe – but I’m very very doubtful.

Samantha Riley. Dean Cappobianco. Shane Warne. Carl Lewis. Lindford Christie. Ben Johnson. Robbie O’Davis.

Drugs have been used in sport from the beginning of the Olympics. Heroin, caffeine, cocaine, amphetamines, steroids have all been used at different times through the ages. The powers that be have never been serious about stamping out drugs in sport. The World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) formed was only formed in 2000. (http://www.asda.org.au/media/history.htm)

Drugs will always be in sport – the question is – with almost all athletes on them – is it really worth trying to stamp them out?

The fishing trip yesterday was really good. The strange thing about it all was that my boss and his wife assured me before we even went out on it that we'd catch nothing but lots of small fish - and we caught nothing but lots of small fish - if they knew we weren't going to catch anything but small fish in that spot - why the hell did we go to that spot in the first place?

Last night I got completely plastered. I vomited, passed out and most of the night is a blur. I have no idea why I was so bad. Everyone keeps telling me it's because I drank a whole bottle of rum - which is weird - because I don't remember drinking the whole bottle, and regardless, I've done it before and been fine. Last night just seemed so out of character for me - it really was. It was the first time I've ever vomited from alcohol before, don't get me wrong I've been completely drunk before, but have never vomited - I basically thought that I never would vomit if I hadn't yet.

Alas, I am not invincible - sooner or later I will have to accept it.

I was basically rolled out of bed this morning, handed $20, put into a taxi and rolled onto the grass at the boat shed. I'm not sure if I've even slept at all properly today or last night.

We went fishing on a boat today with the guys from work. It was a really good day. It rained, but other than that, it was fun. It's been a while since I've been fishing. I've not been fishing since the fishing license registration scheme was re-introduced a few years back. At least on a boat I had an excuse for not being able to stand up straight. I've never seen my boss drink so much before either - but it was all on him so I guess he figured he may as well drink it up so he's not wasting as much money on us.

I feel seedy. I have no idea why I am here typing up this mundane entry in the state I am in. I think I am going to go back to mindless banter and sit here like a zombie.

Why is it that almost everyone on "A Current Affair" is from New Zealand? Is it because New Zealanders get scammed a lot? Or do they just like to complain to silly cheque-book-trial-by-media-fake-journalist shows?

Our house was advertised in the paper. Apparently it has an extra 2 toilets and an extra bathroom. It's all news to me. I don't know where they've been hiding all this time - but damn it sounds terrific in the paper! All these extra facilities and the like! I'm thinking of buying it myself they make it sound so great! hehehe

Everyone is lost - some people just get so caught up with the here and now they don't realise it

Adam's joke for the week:


Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad......or maybe my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.

But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.


I can't really understand why - but I've been laughing at this joke all day long - and it's not even that funny - maybe I've finally gone stark raving loony!

The highlight of my week has been getting rung up by sanity telling me that my cd was there I ordered after only 2 days and being told "that's why sanity is the best"...the lowlight of my week was turning up to get my cd to find out it wasn't the right one and them telling me the cd I ordered isn't available anymore and being told "we'll just give you a refund - maybe you should try going to jb hifi?"....

i don't quite understand how a song can be "nominated" to go into the "highest selling single" category or "nominated" to go into the "highest selling album" category - it's either the highest selling or it's not the highest selling - and either way it should have nothing to do with voting at all!

Ah it's been a long week.

The RTA want another copy of tender documents (yes the saga continues) for a quote that was only valid to October 4. They are trying to go through it all and knock the price down. They have had over 3 months to look over it. I have sent out 4 copies of the documents to 2 different people from the RTA. I don't know what the hell they do with their copies - but they keep asking for them. it wouldn't annoy me so much if it wasn't the same damn people asking for the copies over and over again! It is all really strange. I'd like to see how they can justify trying to cut costs in a quote that is no longer valid. The company has been knocking back other offers - infact the company is well within their rights to ask for compensation from the RTA. This whole thing is one big joke.

To many chiefs and not enough indians.

To top it all off - my boss insisted I restart my hydrology report again because he suddenly decided the catchment boundaries were different today to what he decided they were yesterday - ah having a memory like a fish must be fun.

Ignorance is bliss.

I've also got the whole problem of designing a job for the buckets way - they want 200 mm of overlay and I can't for the life of me make a road design that complies and keep to their minimum of 200 mm overlay and maximum of around 300 mm overlay. We're going out this weekend to celebrate getting another contract to do some more of the buckets way - I'm dreading every minute of doing another section of road along it.

R.I.P - here lies my sanity.

At least I have some REFs/EIS and structural designs to keep me going.

*picks self up off floor - dusts self off*

Listening to the Children - An extract from "Beyond Civilisation: Humanity's Next Adventure" - By Daniel Quinn.

Whether by intention or not, suicides often reveal themselves in their choice of means. The guilty hang themselves. Sacrificial victims slash their throats. The discarded throw themselves off buildings or bridges. Tormented minds blow their brains out.


This is something I have never thought about before. Although morbid, it seems to make sense. I'm not sure of how psychologically correct this statement is, as to my knowledge Daniel Quinn has no psychology degree, but at the same time it doesn't take a degree to give someone some insight into how someone is thinking, or feeling - a little empathy can go a long way.

I'm sitting here sore all over. I'm tired. I'm worn out. There is not a muscle in my body that is not sore in one way or another. I've been over doing it. It always seems to take me an entire day of doing nothing to par-recover and about a week to full-recover, or at least, recover to a point where I feel I am fully recovered. It is always difficult to tell if you are fully recovered or not. Your body has strange ways of making you think it is better than it is, and when faced with adversity, usually has a way of overcoming it, by puting in extra effort, or having some part of it compensate for another part.

Speaking of one body part compensating for another. They've always told me that the best way to build up your upper body muscles is to build up your lower body first. Apparently your upper body will not get bigger than your lower body can sustain, which makes sense enough to me - it seems highly logical. However, people in a wheel chair have no lower body at all and this aspect of them wastes away - I guess I've answered my own question in my previous words - it's compensating out of necessity, something that in an able bodied person is not necessary. It's really just a weaker form of evolution which has me thinking about something that very few people seem to understand, think much about, or even realise - man's continued evolution. I shall tackle this line of thought later this week. For now, this meek engineer shall retire to some mind numbing television and mindless banter.
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The first related google search for my page comes up with the following:


"What is Greymatter?

Greymatter is the original opensource weblogging and journal software. With fully-integrated comments, searching, file uploading and image handling, completely customisable output through dozens of templates and variables, multiple author support, and many other features—while having perhaps the simplest installation process and easiest-to-use interface of any program offering this level of functionality—Greymatter permanently raised the bar for weblogging and journaling, and it remains the program of choice for tens of thousands of people around the world. " - from http://www.noahgrey.com/greysoft/ accessed on: 10/19/03

From this extract in their introduction, it sounds as though it's a blogger competitor - it's scary that they're even recommending someone go to it. However, I do commend them on being, at least with respect to competitors, open about their existance.

"You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete." - Buckminster Fuller, cited in "Humanity's Next Great Adventure" by Daniel Quinn

1963 - New Order

It was January, 1963
When Johnny came home with a gift for me
He said I bought it for you because I love you
And I bought it for you because it's your birthday, too
He was so very nice, he was so very kind
To think of me at this point in time
I used to think of him, he used think of me
He told me to close my eyes
My gift would be a great surprise
I saw tears were in his eyes
He never meant to hurt me
Oh, God, Johnny, don't point that gun at me
There's so many ways our lives have changed
But please, I beg, don't do this to me
Johnny, don't point that gun at me
Can I save my life at any price?
For God's sake won't you listen to me?

And though he was ashamed that he had took a life
Johnny came home with another wife
And he often remembered how it used to be
Before that special occasion, 1963
There was too many ways that you could kill someone
Like in a love affair, when the love is gone
He told me to close my eyes
My gift would be a great surprise
I saw hatred in his eyes
He never meant to hurt me
Oh, God, Johnny, don't point that gun at me
There's so many ways our lives have changed
But please, I beg, don't do this to me
Johnny, you keep on using me
Can I change my life for any price?
Oh, Johnny, won't you listen to me?

He told me to close my eyes
My gift would be a great surprise
I saw hatred in his eyes
But he never meant to hurt me
Oh, God, Johnny, don't point that gun at me
There's so many ways our lives have changed
But please, I beg, don't do this to me
Johnny, you keep on using me
Can I change my life for any price?
Oh, Johnny, won't you listen to me?

I just want you to be mine
I don't want this world to shine
I don't want this bridge to burn
Oh, Johnny, do you miss me?
I just want to feel free
I will always feel free.

The meaning of life [?].
I've oft pondered what our purpose in life is. Are we really all on this planet for a purpose? Is there any point to life? Of course there is. The problem in finding our purpose is that we feel that as humans we are better than the rest of the animal kingdom, rarely do we recognise that we are part of it. So the answer to our purpose in life is often overlooked.

As a species we're on this earth to live for the sake of living. Everything we do is keyed at helping us reproduce: work to get money to get food to reproduce. Our whole lives our aimed at living. The purpose of life is to live. So simple, and yet so true.

So why do we keep going? Hope. Wanting. We want to have more. We hope for a better purpose. We hope for an answer. We want to be happy.

Perhaps I've given up the search. Perhaps I'm right. Perhaps I'm wrong. Perhaps I'm not sure I want to know. There's always so many questions and so little answers.

A few months back I managed to get a hold of some cheap cd's that I was backing up my music collection onto. Some of them turned out fine, some of them didn't. I couldn't for the life of me figure it out - but as luck would have it I have now worked out the problem. The dodgy ones have a hairline fracture in them - apparently my new car CD player won't play any cd with a hairline fracture in it. So back to drawing board I go.

Sure, I could always just keep the originals and use them all the time - but it's a much better idea to ruin a $2 copy than a $30 original. Besides - if I have original cd's in the car - then there's something worth stealing. I can't see anyone breaking into my car to steal the cd player - the resale value on a cd player that is only good for my car wouldn't be to high. Although, as someone did suggest, criminals aren't the brightest people, so maybe I should put a sign on it saying "Don't steal my cd player unless you have a Toyota Corolla owner to sell it to!" - then again, knowing my luck the criminals will be illiterate as well (much like myself going by this garbled entry)- and then where does that leave me?

I don't know why I was freting so much about having to install the cd player in the car. Norm took one look at it, ripped out the dash, and whacked it in in a couple of minutes. I couldn't even work out how to rip the old one out. Then again, the past few days I haven't even been able to change a light globe - but in my defense - the light globe is possessed by satan! by satan I tells ya!

Radiohead's new album is pretty good. Sure they're a tad bit depressing, and at times can shit you to tears with their excessive static noises and weird interludes, but hail to the thief is a top notch album. Placebo's "Sleeping with Ghosts" is another good album I got recently - it's more laid back than some of their previous efforts. It was funny the first time I listened to my copy of it at my parents place - my father commented on the "English Summer Rain" song "it repeats over and over again". I was trying to explain to him that that's the point - "English Summer rain, always lasts for ages..."

My biggest troubles this week (other than the fact I'm running out of work to do, ran out of yoghurt to have on my cereal, ran out of bread for lunch) are trying to work out what CD's are car worthy, and what ones aren't - I'm like a lil' kiddie going through all the old stuff, reliving my childhood through music....ahhh the memories....

Siobhan was here with a business proposition for me. It is something we had talked about doing before. Something inside me makes me wonder whether she wants me for anything other than the fact I have a full time job. I knew there was something up when she suddenly started talking to me the other day. I just wasn't sure what it was. I will always hear her through though.

She always makes sense when she talks business and money - the only thing that worries me is that she has no money to back up any of her ideas, that on the surface, are no more than get rich quick schemes. Her mother is single, and owns half of Bonny Hills. Real estate is something she should be very well rehearsed in. In the end - it's only money. I would love to go along for the ride if given the chance. Siobhan is someone who will make and break a million dollars 10 times over in her lifetime - how it all ends up depends on what point she is at on the ride when she dies. I wish her well.

Here's to another get rich quick scheme I've been suckered into doing *holds glass in the air* - cheers!

(I do have to give credit where credit is due - her first scheme she involved me in would have made $3000 in 2 days - if she had had a broadband internet connection - instead it has made me $600 over 6 months)

Adam = 1
Disgruntled Next Door Neighbour = 0
Disgruntled Next Door Neighbour's Tree = 0

Apparently my aggressive pruning is going to kill his poor tree. Now, this is coming from a man who waters Australian native plants, that are drought tolerant I might add, daily. Daily! Daily he is there watering drought tolerant plants in the middle of water restrictions, whether there has been rain or not. Hence, I have concluded he is not exactly the brightest spark in the world and any permanent damage to his tree will be purely coincidental. His tree will live - but if it shows its branches over my side of the fence again - there will be round 2 starting.

WARNING - the following blog entry may contain language which may offend some viewers. If you are offended by the word "fuck" or derivations there of, then perhaps you should not read this entry. My brethren, I leave it up to you to decide whether or not to read on. This entry has been rated P - for Pissed Off.

Adam = 0
Boss = 1
International/Australian/Local Standards = 0

What I said: "You changed the numbering of the pipes again?"

What I meant: "You've fucking changed the numbering of the pit network from using Bow's notation and being in accordance with the ISO standard, and Local Council standards to be some weird hippy system, furthermore, you've fucking well changed the numbering of the piping system back to what it was before you made me change it in the first place!"

What My Boss said: "Your numbering didn't make any sense on the pit network and pipes"

What I said: "The pit network followed Bow's notation and the ISO standard labeling system - you can change the pipe numbering to whatever you like."

What I meant: "If I ever get the chance to pound some sense into you - I'm taking it"

What My Boss said: "Bow's notation? ISO? What the hell are you going on about? In my experience they should be numbered this way"

What I said: "ISO standards are a set of international standards that are set so things all over the world can be standardised so you can look at something anywhere and immediately recognise it. If you prefer to do it your own way, that is ok by me, your way does seem more clearer."

What I meant:"You fucking experience said to label half the stuff another way only 1 week ago! It's because your fucking experience changes it's fucking mind every week that ISO standards exist!"


"Come mothers and fathers throughout the land and don't criticise what you can't understand your sons and your daughters are beyond your command your old road is rapidly ageing so get out of the new one if you can't lend your hand for the times they are a-changin' " -- Bob Dylan (probably entirely plagiarised from somebody else, but hey, we love him anyways) -- The Times They Are A Changin'

Fiji put on a good game of rugby union - they just need to improve their fitness so they can play a full game, and improve their discipline and they'll be a genuine force. I guess it comes from their lack of professionalism compared to the major nations - but for them to even be competitive at all is a fantastic thing to see.

This blog entry has been brought to you by our proud sponsors: rugby world cup on free-to-air TV with telstra advertisements every given chance saying how they hate to interrupt the rugby, beer, bitter sarcasm, loneliness, and a no name keyboard that has a funny looking stain on the "j" key.

You know how washing is meant to go into the washing machine dirty? and the usual plan is it comes out clean ?(actually, it comes out just as dirty with faecal matter spead through out it all, and all the tiny dirt particles just diffused through the clothes more - but we like to think of it as clean because it smells better) - some how I've managed to reverse the process. The clothes, for the most part, went in cleanish, except for the gym clothes. The result was they all came out smelling like dirty gym clothes. I can't understand what went wrong. *shakes head in shame as he heads back to his room to read his washing 101 text book*

I guess in the end it doesn't much matter anyways - by tomorrow afternoon they will have bird shit all over them due to the next door neighbours tree hanging over our clothesline with all its "bird" attracting flowers - does anybody have an axe I can borrow?

28 Days Later was fantastic!


Don't criticise what you can't understand.

Ooh! 28 Days Later has finally arrived in town! I'm seeing it tonight - it had better be worth the wait.

The Americans forced Turkish troops to remove themselves from Iraq during the initial phase of Gulf War 2: America Strikes Back. Now, America is welcoming the Turkish troops and not only welcoming them but actually asking for them. The Kurdish population, who as everyone knows, want an independent state of their own, are not comfortable with the Turkish. Infact, no country is particulary comfortable with the Kurds, or the Israelis. The only thing most of the middle east has in common is that they hate Israel and they do not want the Kurds to have their own country. Factions within Syria and Lebannon are being attacked, or at risk of being attacked by Israel.

Now, this leaves: Iraq being attacked by America; Syria being attacked by Israel; Lebannon about to be attacked by Israel; Afghanistan being attacked by America; Northern Pakistan being attacked by America; and the continued Palestinian-Israeli saga. If things heat up much more - America will be funding and waging wars against Syria, Lebannon, Afghanistan, Pakistan and Palestine (possibly even North Korea!).

America will end up either over exerting its self leaving it very vulnverable to homeland attack, or if it can sustain such battles, will end up owning half of the middle east! All at a time when America's oil reserves are running low, the cost of oil is up, and OPEC is trying to be crippled by the pentagon to feed the war machine- very convenient.

Ah there's a Cure song for every occasion:

Killing An Arab - The Cure

Standing on the beach
With a gun in my hand
Staring at the sea
Staring at the sand
Staring down the barrel
At the arab on the ground
I can see his open mouth
But I hear no sound

I'm alive
I'm dead
I'm the stranger
Killing an arab

I can turn
And walk away
Or I can fire the gun
Staring at the sky
Staring at the sun
Whichever I chose
It amounts to the same
Absolutely nothing

I'm alive
I'm dead
I'm the stranger
Killing an arab

I feel the steel butt jump
Smooth in my hand
Staring at the sea
Staring at the sand
Staring at myself
Reflected in the eyes
Of the dead man on the beach
The dead man on the beach

I'm alive
I'm dead
I'm the stranger
Killing an arab

1.NAME : Adam S
2.WHAT COLOR[sic] TROUSERS DO YOU HAVE ON RIGHT NOW? navy blue
3.WHAT ALBUM ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Placebo - Sleeping With Ghosts.
4.WHAT DID U DO LAST NIGHT? Went to the gym, slept, and sat down thinking and worrying about a lot of things I have no control over
5.LAST THING YOU ATE? cheese sandwich
6.IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR[sic] WOULD YOU BE? blue - it reflects my general mood
7.WHERE WOULD U[sic] LIKE TO GO ON YOUR HONEYMOON? I want to elope. That way the wedding is with the people I want to have there - my wife to be and I. There is no fuss, there is no excessive cost, there is no inviting certain people because of family politics. There is just the important people. So when eloping, I have to go somewhere that has a wedding place to marry me - limits my options slightly.
8.RAIN OR SNOW? Rain - I freeze to to many things when it's snowing: my tongue to an orange, my sunglasses to my lips, my hand to the car, my hand to a shop door handle.
9.HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW? fine and sunny.
10. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU SPOKE TO ON THE PHONE? My mother.
11.WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX? their eyes
12.HOW ARE YOU TODAY? Fine. Thank you for asking.
13.WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY? Lots of things - can't beat a lazy sunday afternoon on a summers day, with a nap, a good book, a drink, and someone to cuddle into.
14.BIRTHDATE?? 02/10/1980
17.HAIR COLOR[sic]? orangey-tannish-brownish colour
18.EYE COLOR[sic]? blue
19.HEIGHT?? 1.69 m (5 7)
20.SIBLINGS AND THEIR AGES? craig - 21
21.WHAT SCHOOLS DID/DO YOU ATTEND? Wingham Brush, Wingham Public, Wingham High, Taree High, Newcastle University
22.LIVING ARRANGEMENT? renting a room.
23.WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO? I could tell you - but I'd have to shoot you.
24.WHAT'S THE BEST ADVICE GIVEN TO YOU? things always work out alright in the end - it's as optimistic as I will allow myself to get.
28.WHAT'S THE WORST SICKNESS YOU EVER HAD? chicken pox - had them 3 times in a row.
29.WHAT'S THE STUPIDEST THING YOU'VE EVER DONE? slipped on a roof in the wet and landed on top of a girl - she cried for 2 hrs, but at least she broke my fall or i'd be half dead now.
30. WINTER OR SUMMER? summer
31. HUGS OR KISSES? hugs
32. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE? yes.
33.WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Humanity's Next Great Adventure - Daniel Quinn.
34.FAVORITE DOG?? well, i can't choose between spud and jazz - that;d be unfair on the other one.
38.WHAT IS THE FIRST THING U[sic] THINK OF IN THE MORNING? gotta go to work...gotta go to work...oh gotta eat before i go to work...ah crap...gotta shave before i eat and before i go to work...aaaaah!
39.FAVORITE [sic]COLOURS? blue
40.FAVORITE [sic] CHILD'S NAME?don't have one.
41.FAV [sic] PERSON IN LIFE? CCK.
42.CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? vanilla
46.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? Bourbon
49. STARSIGN? Libra
50.DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT HANDS? I type with my fingers - yes.
51. WATS [sic] UNDER YOUR BED? CD's, and dirty washing in a basket.
53.WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?? Purple pattern.
54. ARE YOU A LEFTY OR A RIGHTY? Righty
55.FAVORITE [sic] SPORT TO WATCH? Lots: rugby league, union, basketball, athletics, etc etc
56. What are you scared of? Success/failure
57.PERSON WHO MOST LIKELY WILL NOT REPLY? everyone - it's a blog not a freakin' email :P

There is a combination of incoherent thoughts going through my mind right now. I wrote a letter to one LG, and it brought up some past memories. Dwelling on the past is never a good thing. I have no idea if it will even mean anything to her. Something is always lost in the mind-typing translation. However, I am quite saddened in this reflective state I am in right now. Thinking of the past, thinking of what was, thinking of what never was. Thinking of what is. Thinking of what won't be. Thinking of what could be. What/if/maybe/possibly/was - never mean much in the end. I once cried for an entire day barely able to function at work - to this day I have no idea why.


Boys Don't Cry - The Cure

I would say I'm sorry
If I thought that it would change your mind
But I know that this time
I've said too much
Been too unkind
I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I try to laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes
Cause boys don't cry
Boys don't cry
I would break down at your feet
And beg forgiveness
Plead with you
But I know that
It's too late
And now there's nothing I can do
So I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I try to laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes
Cause boys don't cry
Boys don`t cry
I would tell you
That I loved you
If I thought that you would stay
But I know that it's no use
That you've already
Gone away
Misjudged your limits
Pushed you too far
Took you for granted
I thought that you needed me more
Now I would do most anything
To get you back by my side
But I just
Keep on laughing
Hiding the tears in my eyes
Cause boys don't cry
Boys don't cry
Boys don't cry

Israel has attacked Syria. This will unleash another tit for tat battle. Will common sense never prevail?

CRM

I do not understand why you ask questions that you do not want to know the answers to. I do not understand why you ask questions you do not care to know the answer to. I do not understand why you claim to care about me, in whatever capacity it may be, but then not care about any of my interests whatsoever. I do not understand. One day I hope to.

Panthers! Panthers! Panthers!

Didn't the Roosters play like a bunch of old men? No leadership. No commitment. No drive.

CCK.

"I know someday you'll have a beautiful life...I know you'll be a star..." - Pearl Jam

You may never read this. I don't know where you are. I don't know if you're even still alive. I hope you're well. I wish you well in life, you deserve to be happy - we all do. I met someone online that made me think of you. She: draws; paints; writes; works with computers; graphic manipulates; and has a child. She even wears a dog collar sometimes going by a picture she showed me of herself. You have a lot in common. You'd have hated her and thought of her as a tryhard something. I was helping her out with some photoshop brushes, it was sort of my way of paying you back for all of the help you have given me over the years.

You were always the one who seemed to believe in me - more so than I did myself. I'm always going to feel a bond with you - as crazy as it may sound.

I miss you.

I have been inspired to be creative again. I am not sure if this is a good thing or not. Either way you can blame Sam for making me want to give it another shot.

Some pics of me we have -->

Assorted Pics, More Assorted Pics, Adam in Pajamas , and last but not least , Adam In Red

Our next exciting installment will be a collection entitled "Adam's New Car You're Not Going To Steal For Fear Of Punishment Of Death"

I've got my head light protectors and car cd player on order. It is all falling into place just nicely. Today my car, tomorrow the world! the world I tell you! the world!

My birthday was really good. Rebecca bought me some presents, which was most unexpected. Even her parents bought me a present - it's always fantastic when you get something that you aren't expecting. As small and trivial as the presents were, it was nice to know they took the time to give me anything at all. We went out to an indian restaurant which was pretty good -- expensive as all hell -- but good. Although, it was a little unnerving that there was grissle in the chicken :|

My parents went all out and got me an expensive leather wallet (last time they tried this feat it lasted 2 days, they got a replacement, it lasted 1 week, then gave up), it looks really nice, barely fits any money in it, and only holds half of my cards - the wallet saga continues. The wallet saga began 5 years ago when my first wallet fell apart after being used trustworthily (is that even a word? ah hell - we'll pretend I'm president and making up words) for 10 years. In the past 5 years I've gone through about 8 wallets. They have lasted varying time lengths from 2 days to 3 weeks. The longest one last 1 year. Apparently my problem is that I'm crazy wanting a wallet to put "money" and "cards" in. Apparently wallets are made to put either cards, or some trivial cash -- but never made to put both in at the same time. So I find myself having to keep half of my cards in another wallet, and put my money in another wallet again. Personally, I think the credit card companies and wallet manufacturers have done a deal that they are going to force you to have a cash-less wallet so you pay more in credit card fees -- your conspiracy has been uncovered now!

I think I'm going to go back to the gym, read a book, do some drawing, or have an afternoon nap.

Another year older, another day closer to death.

My parents turned up tonight with food -- I've got $52 in my account to last me 2 weeks and I have no food. Now I have a fridge full of food and umm $52 to last me 2 weeks. All's well that ends well.

My father and I were having an argument over my car -- I think that maps should be kept in the car at all times, because when you need a map, where else would you need it but the car? He believes a map should be kept in the house. I believe a sleeping bag should be kept in the car, because when you need to use it you're travelling. He believes it should be kept in the house -- apparently being used instead of my ummm bed? maybe? And to top it all off he refuses to believe that my car can't make it up my very very steep drive way in the wet without sliding all over the place -- even though his car can't make it up the drive way in the dry without skidding all over the place. With the three of us here, all driving different cars, and all swearing that it is not possible to drive up our driveway safely in the wet -- he still tried to say it is easy and he would show us how -- I wouldn't let him drive my car, because I don't want him running into a brick wall to prove me wrong.

di·a·ry n. pl. di·a·ries
A daily record, especially a personal record of events, experiences, and observations; a journal.
A book for use in keeping a personal record, as of experiences. (The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition)