My Manifesto: The Incoherent Ramblings of a Madman

Recipe for a New Fad Disease

* Pick any symptoms—the more common the better.
* Pick any disease—real or invented. (Real diseases have more potential for confusion because their existence can't be denied.)
* Assign lots of symptoms to the disease.
* Say that millions of undiagnosed people suffer from it.
* Pick a few treatments. Including supplements will enable health food stores and chiropractors to get in on the action.
* Promote your theories through books and talk shows.
* Don't compete with other fad diseases. Say that yours predisposes people to the rest or vice versa.
* Claim that the medical establishment, the drug companies, and the chemical industry are against you.
* State that the medical profession is afraid of your competition or trying to protect its turf.
* If challenged to prove your claims, say that you lack the money for research, that you are too busy getting sick people well, and that your clinical results speak for themselves.

(plagerised entirely from: www.quackwatch.org)

They had a multi-cultural event across in the parklands opposite me the other weekend. Apparently five (5) token black people, with exotic delicacies like; pizza; corn on the cob; and kebabs, and a jazz band means we're "multi-cultural" in Brisbane. The QUT signs everywhere at this "event" advertising the university with course sign-up sheets was also not exactly very subtle either.

I'm not quite sure this outweighs the fact that it's a generally mono- or dual race city and everyone's a racist fuck.

Fetal alcohol exposure is regarded by researchers as the leading known cause of mental retardation in the Western world (Wikipedia) and I'm damn sure all of the cases of this are my Qld relatives children.

Iowa diocese files for Chapter 11 - Associated Press

IOWA CITY, Iowa - After paying out more than $10.5 million to resolve dozens of sex abuse claims and now facing a new set of lawsuits, the Roman Catholic Diocese of Davenport has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.


A priest and nun are on their way back home from a trip when their car breaks down. They are unable to get it fixed, so they decide to spend the night in a hotel.

The only hotel in the town has only one room available.

Priest: Sister, I don't think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I'll sleep on the lounge and you have the bed.

Nun: I think that would be okay.

They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in
the room. Ten minutes later...

Nun: Father, I'm terribly cold.

Priest: Okay, I'll get you a blanket. (He does)

Ten minutes later...

Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold.

Priest: Okay Sister, I'll get you another blanket. (He does)

Ten minutes later...

Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for this one night.
Priest: You're probably right...get up and get your own damn blanket.

i was after something far more sinister - but I gave up. Damn net.

How about this, maybe:


In a small cathedral, a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the priest.

The priest asked the janitor, "Could you go into the confessional and listen to confessions for me? I really have to go to the bathroom and Widow McGee is coming. She tends to go on and on but never really does anything worthy of serious repentance, so when she's done, just give her 10 Hail Marys. I'll be right back."

Being the helpful sort, the janitor agreed. Just as expected, Widow McGee came into the booth and started her confession.

"Oh Father, I fear I have done the unforgivable," she said. "I have given into carnal thoughts and have had oral sex."

Stunned, the janitor had no idea how to handle this situation, surely 10 Hail Marys would not do. So in a moment of desperation, the janitor peeked his head out of the confessional and asked an altar boy, "Son, what does the priest give for oral sex?"

The altar boy replied, "Two Snickers bars and a Coke."

Botulism Alert over Carrot Juice

I don't know what Botulism actually is - but with a name like that I want to stay well clear of the disease.

We were out in the harbour at Sydney kayaking yesterday. Dead calm - then *bam* gale force southerly. Every boat left the harbour in fear. There we were bobbing up and down so much we couldn't even reach the water with the paddles half of the time. It was great! RIH lost her hat so we had to double back to get it against the gale force winds, no easy feat going against the wind.

When we got back to the wharf it looked like a warzone. There was people laying all around injured with blood everywhere. I think we were about the only people who ended up with no injuries and not capsizing.

Bring on white water rafting next week I say!

Party at my place for Halloween, or so my flatmates have said. BYOB. Apply within. All welcome.

Day One:

ME: "These shoes seem great! And they're only $10!!!"

Day Two:

ME: "These shoes are starting to hurt my feet a bit, they're not the best. This is the last time I wear $10 shoes"

Day Three:

ME: "I think I have deep tissue bruising on the balls of my feet. It hurts to walk. My afternoon jog today is going to be painful"