My Manifesto: The Incoherent Ramblings of a Madman

Kevin 07.

With a catchy means-nothing-slogan like that - how could good policy, history, statistics, and judgment possibly get in the way of a good win?

Hail to the newly appointed Prime Minister. Now; the question is what will follow?

Will Kevin continue the economic policies and foreign links that Whitlam, Frazer, Hawke and Keating had set up to successfully carry us through John Howard's reign? Will Kevin bring back the Westminster system we legally are meant to be Governing by? Will Kevin bring back our freedom of information? Our freedom of choice? Our freedom of speech? Our freedom to question? Will Kevin bring back our independence from America? Will Kevin bring back equality amongst sex, age, race, religion? All which were eroded under the poorly named Liberals.

Can Kevin achieve anything with a hostile senate that will no doubt bring about a Whitlamesque double dissolution election? Can Kevin control a party that is already split down the middle by left and right wing factions? Can Kevin undo the financial/economic brainwashing of the public? can Kevin bring back our education system to a first world standard? Can Kevin bring back investment into infrastructure so that we have the capacity to develop through good economic times while not having to maintain through the bad?

What the fuck can one man really do? A man can and will be forgotten. The ideas of the man are far more important; BUT what the hell are his ideas? What more than Kevin 07 do we really know?

Kevin 07 means nothing in 07 - in 08 it means even less.

How freaking unlucky were these bank robbers? They tried to rob a bank and next door the riot squad were lunching!

Freeze! Cops make a meal out of bank robbers

Lunching Public Order and Riot Squad officers have foiled armed robbers who tried to hold up a bank in Sydney's west today.

A witness who saw the robbers speed up to the bank and brush aside a security guard said police arrived before he could even call them.

"I was trying to call the police, and all these guys in the blue uniforms (police) came running up," said the witness, who gave his name as John.

"I said, 'How'd you get here so quick?' and they said, 'We were just here having lunch."'
Sydney Morning Herald - November 24, 2007

I feel cheap and used for political gain. I was bear-hugged by the local Liberal member in front of news cameras today while trying to vote.

The story begins a few months back when I saw him shopping in the supermarket for groceries. I had to look twice at the burley man who was wearing torn, paint stained, stubby shorts and faded ripped t-shirt and was in thongs (aka flip-flops).

He was clearly unshaven for a few days and looked almost like a homeless person; OK, so I am known for my hyperboles, in truth he was more like a person who had been on a three day bender after breaking up with his long term partner, or after having had a very close family member die or something more so than a homeless person.

I saw him today when going to vote and made some sarcastic comment about it, the sarcasm was more friendly banter than anything bitter or untoward. With all of the confusion around the entrance of the voting venue I hadn't realised the news cameras were on him; however, he had. Quick to cover the situation he laughed it off, patted me on the back, and then jollily hugged me with the words:

"Peter! mate..it's been a while since we've seen each other. But you haven't lost your sense of humour. But I know you'll be voting Liberal today for old times sake friend"

It is hard to tell who came off worse - him or I. I'm not even from his electorate, my name is not Peter - but I'm still a shot of making the news being bear-hugged by a giant jollily laughing.

OK. Everyone has been giving me flack about my love of the Volvo C30; consequently I am going to have to defend my position through using a completely unbiased comparison of the cars by showing the others in the same class (sorta kinda – well, we all know that there really aren’t any in the same class). My alternative option was just to smash the crap out of the sheeple motherfuckers’, however, I am trying to take my space between the stimulus and the response to ensure that I am being proactive rather than reactive (see Stephen Coveys’ 7 habits of effective people prior).

Cars in the class generally include the following (I am going to ignore exact model details because they’re all pretty much the same lookswise with the exception of the rear spoiler, twin exhaust etc options)

-Subaru Impreza (in silver with the impreza badge)

-Toyota Corolla (in red with the Toyota badge)

-Mazda 3 (in red with the Mazda badge)

-Ford Focus and/or XR5 (in grey with the ford badge – my god! They have moved the taillights! Shock horror!)

-Honda Civic (shown in silver – could not get a decent photo from behind. Apparently they don’t even want you to see this view of it)

-VW Golf (shown in blue with the VW badge)

-C4 (shown in grey with the C4 badge – it’s got a lot of style about it compared to the others so far)

-Renault Megane (shown in yellow with the Renault badge – ok, so it’s different. A definite stand out from the crowd)

-Peugeot 207 (shown in red with the Peugeot 207 GTI badge)

-BMW 1 series (shown in black with the BMW badge)

As is clearly shown – the only thing different they can all do is move the taillights and/or change the shape of the taillights. What in the hell are they paying their design department for?

Now, last but not least the Volvo C30 (shown in a greyish colour with the C30 badge).

Ah – we have something different! Could it be true? A car in this class that doesn’t look like the rest of the cars all the sheeple are driving around? Really? Is it so? Is it so? The sky is falling! The sky is falling!

It's a fantastically nice day today; spring weather at its' finest; despite the fact it is summer. This is in stark contrast to the sub 15 degree C winter weather we've been having recently, again, despite the fact it is meant to be summer.

I was out having breakfast in the village square this morning; overlooking a jazz band who were playing various tunes. It was really quite enjoyable sitting there in the half-shade/sun drinking a coffee and reading the paper.

A random guy decided he would go with some impromptu acoustic "Major Tom" which fitted in really well with the jazz accompaniment. I've always wondered how people decide what songs to mash up and whether or not it will work; perhaps now I can say that it doesn't really matter so much because



David Bowie - Space Oddity

Ground Control to Major Tom
Ground Control to Major Tom
Take your protein pills and put your helmet on

Ground Control to Major Tom
Commencing countdown, engines on
Check ignition and may God’s love be with you

Spoken:
Ten, Nine, Eight, Seven, Six, Five, Four, Three, Two, One, Lift-off

This is Ground Control to Major Tom
You’ve really made the grade
And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear
Now it’s time to leave the capsule if you dare

“This is Major Tom to Ground Control
I’m stepping through the door
And I’m floating in a most peculiar way
And the stars look very different today

For here
Am I sitting in a tin can
Far above the world
Planet Earth is blue
And there’s nothing I can do

Though I’m past one hundred thousand miles
I’m feeling very still
And I think my spaceship knows which way to go
Tell my wife I love her very much (she knows!)
Ground Control to Major Tom
Your circuit’s dead, there’s something wrong
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear....

“ am I floating round my tin can
Far above the Moon
Planet Earth is blue
And there’s nothing I can do.?

Why Croc's Suck and Other Atrocities:


(www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net)

The three key performance indicators for a change in government are as follows:

• Interest rates;
• Inflation; and
• Unemployment.

If we look at what has happened since the last election you can see that inflation has gone down, unemployment has gone down, and interest rates have gone up only slightly more than a percentage point.

AKA - poor Kevin07 is looking shaky. :(

I've just been through a week of:

"Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People"

Talking to others who have done the course it is oft nicknamed the: "I'm quitting course" because while preaching "work life balance" everyone sits there and re-evaluates their life and decides their work-life balance is not working in their favour - so they pack and leave. Notwithstanding, I thought it was reasonably well structured and would be even more helpful if you've the life skills of a drunken monkey.

1. Be proactive (aka - get off your arse and do something about it shithead and stop whinging you bitch!)
2. Begin with the end in mind (aka - try and think about what the fuck you're meant to be doing before starting!)
3. Put first things first (aka - try and think about what the fuck you're meant to be doing before starting!)
4. Think Win-Win (aka - try and sucker your enemies into having them think that you're doing what is best for them)
5. Think first to understand, then to be understood (aka - shut the fuck up and listen before puting your foot in your mouth shitforbrains!)
6. Synergise (aka - work together in peace, love and harmony for the greater good of man because deep down inside we're all peace loving hippies. Make love not war!)
7. Sharpen the saw (aka - make sure that the axe you're wielding is sharp for a quick kill for those who do not understand habits 1 through to 5. Hopefully after you have taken care of the inconsiderate fuckers with your sharpened instrument - it is then dull enough to prolong the pain when you're killing the peace loving hippies practicing habit 6.)

I feel exhausted after pretending to care about what others think for an entire week. Luckily, I was not the only one feeling the pressure of pretending to care as demonstrated by our group exercise on the final day.

Stephen Covey would call it: "Falling back into old habits of W/L"

Adam would call it: "A motherfucking blood bath that ended in tears!"

BUT I am known to exaggerate occasionally, and truthfully, there was no blood spilled, however, it was mighty mean and nasty to the point of tears - i was actually shocked, and very amused, at how quickly everyone turned when put into the situation.

That's a week and $50,000 well spent for the company I say.

Apparently my list is gay so I'm going to add some extra items to save myself from getting beaten up by a Bra-boy next time I go to the beach:

1. Raw meat;
2. Hummer;
3. Petrol;
4. Smith and Wessen 8" revolver for my shin gun holster;
5. Double-barreled sawn-off shotgun for my henchmen overcoat;
6. Cricket bat for beating up people I do not understand; and
7. Brut - the essence of man.

Random stuff Adam would accept for Christmas:

1. Volvo C30 T5 or D5...I'd even accept the LE;
2. A white European cut or slim-fit long sleeved shirt, size 42;
3. A light checked European cut or slim-fit long sleeved shirt, size 42 and preferably some type of material that does not require ironing like a table cloth type of material whatever the hell that is called - something casual and summery;
4. A black or dark blue European cut or slim-fit long sleeved shirt, size 42;
5. American Crew light-hold gel or cream;
6. Kenji Urban trousers, size 34 (i think) - these are the most comfortable pants ever!;
7. Bottle of Cab-Sav;
8. Marcs' plain t-shirt, L;
9. Eddie Vedder's solo album;
10. Grinderman's album;
11. Punch Australia boxing gloves and focus pads - and maybe even a t-shirt so I can pretend I'm a hardcore motherfucker!;
12. One of those tiny laptop's that have like a 12 or 13inch shiny LCD screen - mac or PC;
13. Weight dip/chin-up belt; and
14. About 10 pairs of dark navy/black/dark grey socks.

I thought i was getting old when I would look at girls who i thought were hot then I would realise they were married on one side of the spectrum and on the other side of the spectrum it was girls who were like 18 or 19 and seemed a bit young, but at least I could relate to them.

Then I realised I was looking at girls who had children which was even worse on one side of the spectrum, on the other side of the spectrum I was looking at girls who were like 19 or 20; they seemed ok, but you could work with them.

NOW I'm at the stage where I'm feeling so old that I'd have to put the 19 or 20 year old girls' through a 3-month intensive training session in: "English - your native language; learn to speak it so others can understand you" before a follow up course in: "Fashion 101: how to not look like a 1980's crack whore and still fit in with the latest trends so that in ten years time you won't cringe at all the photos of you".

Who in the hell decided it was cool to revive 80's fashion without even attempting to re-work it at all? Normally when you bring back a vintage look you add a modern spin on it!

I hate the laziness of GEN-Y - someone slap the apathy out of them!

Chill out Sessions or Cafe Del Mar compilations and the like with all of this Beach House or Beach ambiance or beach trance or whatever fucked up sub-genre you want to call it; don't get me wrong, i don't mind it from time-to-time, my only beef with it is why in the hell does it always pretend to be laid back and calming?

My flat mate routinely listens to it while driving like a maniac! He can be listening to "the Cool Sounds of Summer" while road raging some poor girl on her P's, horn honking, tail-gating, and yelling through the window because she is: "going too slow!" by doing the speed limit I might add.

This poor girl then proceeded to start driving slightly erratically, as you would with a fucking lunatic driving behind you, which then only aggravated him more! She then began to drive more erratically again!

It was a vicious circle! I don't know whether to blame "the cool sounds of summer" invoke the redneck racist fuck card and put it down to another "Asian driver" or just say he's caught sydneyitis!

BUT fuck me! next time I end up in a car being told how dodgy the driver in front of me is when quite clearly they are being bullied to their wits-end - I'm puting on the motherfucking handbrake and telling it like it really is: "You Sir are a fucking road menace!".

Sorry...it was a frustrating journey - 20 minutes to the shopping centre should not end up with so many lives being put at risk, damn those "cool sounds of summer" have me on edge as well.

I found myself in a situation the other day where a friend felt the need to come explain her recent actions to me and about how she was reacting with another friend and co-worker of mine.

She didn't really owe me any apology or explanation - her "situation" was quite obvious for all to see. The only people who could not see it were those involved within in it; but even they could see they were just not willing to admit they could see.

Somehow we are now all friends and the "situation" is behind us - the thing I cannot fully understand is why she seemed to think there was really a "situation" to begin with.

People often like to build things up in their minds far more than reality ever lets.