My Manifesto: The Incoherent Ramblings of a Madman

The City of Melbourne Making Up For The Piss-Take That Was NYE Last Year:

"This year, the Victorian government will deliver the most comprehensive public transport service ever on New Year's Eve in Melbourne - and it's free," said Minister for Transport, Peter Batchelor.

To settle the argument once and for all as to whether I look and act like John Safran I offer the following photographic evidence:

1. John Safran


2. Adam



NOW as to the acting and sounding like John Safran:

1. I have no lisp;
2. My voice is deeper than his; and
3. It is purely coincidental that if I was to do a tv show it would either be mock politcal satire, mock music satire, or mock religious satire.

SO, you can make up your own minds, if you must - but god damn-it! I look nothing like him!

My newest challange, in addition to typing challenge correctly the first time i type it, is to uncover the truth behind the book "the da vinci code". All of the literature I have thus found, supposedly, de-bunking the "myth" is as poorly sourced as what the original novel is - the major difference being the novel is merely claiming to be a novel which is in stark contrast to the other writings that are claiming to be "fact".

The truth:
"Something somehow discreditable to someone" - H.L Mencken
(cited in "The Devil's Collection - A Cynic's Dictionary")

Furthermore, the wheels are in motion for my Steiner search. I have gone to my first primary source of information - a linguistic scholar.

Christmas is really one of those holidays for people under the age of 8, people around people under the age of 8, or people over the age of 80. That is to say, children, people with children, people around children, or people with the mental capacity of a child. For everyone else it seems to feel empty and hollow. Christmas always leaves a void in my life. It does not excite me like it used to - nor will it until I fit into one of the abovementioned categories.

I am not a fan of organised/ritualistic religions by nature, so the "true" meaning of christmas is lost on me; whether you consider the pagan version of christmas or the christian version of christmas, both the same.

We normally turn christmas into more of a family re-union. Something akin to funerals/weddings - but not this year. So even that aspect of christmas was lost on us. We sort of sat there eating chicken and twiddling our thumbs not knowing what to do at all.

Things were so much simpler when I was 6.

A while back when we were re-decking our back verandah our dog, Jazz, ran up the stairs expecting to find a floor as there had always been - there was none. So he jumped as far as he could into the gap and was left there stranded, legs outstretched, balanced on the floor joists, shaking in fear. I am not sure what was going through his mind when he got to the top of the stairs and saw no floor - but it was sure as hell funny to see the situation.

Will They Ever Trust Us Again? Page 67:

"...For the Freedom of the Iraqi people," we were told, but day by day. Iraqi workers came into our base to work, and on those days I would ask, "Is it better that we are here?," and every day they would say worse or the same.

Instead of worrying about just Sadaam and his minions, they had to worry about everyone. I would then ask what would help, and they would state, "We need clothes, food, water, and electricity."

The Mortal? The Twin? The Mistaken Identity? The Myth? The Man? The God? The Son? The One?

Luke 5:16 "And He withdrew himself into the wilderness and prayed to His God."

Act 2:30 Therefore being a prophet, and knowing that God had sworn with an oath to him, that of the fruit of his loins, according to the flesh, he would raise up Christ to sit on his throne;

Mat 1:1 The book of the generation of Jesus Christ, the son of David, the son of Abraham.

Mat 1:2 Abraham begat Isaac; and Isaac begat Jacob; and Jacob begat Judas and his brethren;

Mat 1:3 And Judas begat Phares and Zara of Thamar; and Phares begat Esrom; and Esrom begat Aram;

Mat 1:4 And Aram begat Aminadab; and Aminadab begat Naasson; and Naasson begat Salmon;

Mat 1:5 And Salmon begat Booz of Rachab; and Booz begat Obed of Ruth; and Obed begat Jesse;

Mat 1:6 And Jesse begat David the king; and David the king begat Solomon of her [that had been the wife] of Urias;

Mat 1:7 And Solomon begat Roboam; and Roboam begat Abia; and Abia begat Asa;

Mat 1:8 And Asa begat Josaphat; and Josaphat begat Joram; and Joram begat Ozias;

Mat 1:9 And Ozias begat Joatham; and Joatham begat Achaz; and Achaz begat Ezekias;

Mat 1:10 And Ezekias begat Manasses; and Manasses begat Amon; and Amon begat Josias;

Mat 1:11 And Josias begat Jechonias and his brethren, about the time they were carried away to Babylon:

Mat 1:12 And after they were brought to Babylon, Jechonias begat Salathiel; and Salathiel begat Zorobabel;

Mat 1:13 And Zorobabel begat Abiud; and Abiud begat Eliakim; and Eliakim begat Azor;

Mat 1:14 And Azor begat Sadoc; and Sadoc begat Achim; and Achim begat Eliud;

Mat 1:15 And Eliud begat Eleazar; and Eleazar begat Matthan; and Matthan begat Jacob;

Mat 1:16 And Jacob begat Joseph the husband of Mary, of whom was born Jesus, who is called Christ.

Mat 1:17 So all the generations from Abraham to David [are] fourteen generations; and from David until the carrying away into Babylon [are] fourteen generations; and from the carrying away into Babylon unto Christ [are] fourteen generations.

Mat 1:18 Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost.r Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost.

Luk 3:23 And Jesus himself began to be about thirty years of age, being (as was supposed) the son of Joseph, which was [the son] of Heli,
Luk 3:24 Which was [the son] of Matthat, which was [the son] of Levi, which was [the son] of Melchi, which was [the son] of Janna, Luk 3:25 Which was [the son] of Mattathias, which was [the son] of Amos, which was [the son] of Naum, which was [the son] of Esli, which was [the son] of Nagge,
Luk 3:26 Which was [the son] of Maath, which was [the son] of Mattathias, which was [the son] of Semei, which was [the son] of Joseph, which was [the son] of Juda,
Luk 3:27 Which was [the son] of Joanna, which was [the son] of Rhesa, which was [the son] of Zorobabel, which was [the son] of Salathiel, which was [the son] of Neri,
Luk 3:28 Which was [the son] of Melchi, which was [the son] of Addi, which was [the son] of Cosam, which was [the son] of Elmodam, which was [the son] of Er,
Luk 3:29 Which was [the son] of Jose, which was [the son] of Eliezer, which was [the son] of Jorim, which was [the son] of Matthat, which was [the son] of Levi,
Luk 3:30 Which was [the son] of Simeon, which was [the son] of Juda, which was [the son] of Joseph, which was [the son] of Jonan, which was [the son] of Eliakim,
Luk 3:31 Which was [the son] of Melea, which was [the son] of Menan, which was [the son] of Mattatha, which was [the son] of Nathan, which was [the son] of David,
Luk 3:32 Which was [the son] of Jesse, which was [the son] of Obed, which was [the son] of Booz, which was [the son] of Salmon, which was [the son] of Naasson,
Luk 3:33 Which was [the son] of Aminadab, which was [the son] of Aram, which was [the son] of Esrom, which was [the son] of Phares, which was [the son] of Juda,
Luk 3:34 Which was [the son] of Jacob, which was [the son] of Isaac, which was [the son] of Abraham, which was [the son] of Thara, which was [the son] of Nachor,
Luk 3:35 Which was [the son] of Saruch, which was [the son] of Ragau, which was [the son] of Phalec, which was [the son] of Heber, which was [the son] of Sala,
Luk 3:36 Which was [the son] of Cainan, which was [the son] of Arphaxad, which was [the son] of Sem, which was [the son] of Noe, which was [the son] of Lamech,
Luk 3:37 Which was [the son] of Mathusala, which was [the son] of Enoch, which was [the son] of Jared, which was [the son] of Maleleel, which was [the son] of Cainan,
Luk 3:38 Which was [the son] of Enos, which was [the son] of Seth, which was [the son] of Adam, which was [the son] of God.

Will be at home for christmas. Please don't rob me - but if you're a bikini model with a nudist fetish and a sex addiction feel free to stalk me.

The scary thing is - I'm only an inch taller than the player Shaq towers over. I feel like a midget right now. Luckily I'm big where it counts :P

Note to self: do not iron on 35 degree celcius days.

Port Macquarie really needs to be more pedestrian friendly - there's paths that start and stop all over the shop. There's as much logic to the path network as there is to a drunken sailor and it's about as neat as a brothel - not that I've ever seen a drunken sailor or a *cough* brothel - but it's as bad as I would imagine they are!

I was walking around town tonight. It was so peaceful at night in places and so outrageously loud in others. I saw couples everywhere. I wonder if one day I will be like that again - I wonder if I already am and don't realise it. I always try and over analyse things looking for some type of meaning - because the meaning I have at the moment does not seem meaningful enough.

Why can't everything be like the movies?

Writing's On The Wall - The Tea Party

When it bends you try to walk a straight line

Something more for less and in the meantime

It changes shape and shifts it takes you over

Its just a warning sign

Because the writing's on the wall

The writing's on the wall

You make a deal you swear that its the last time

No sudden moves or else your soul will be mine

And when you dance you're dancing with the devil

Its just a warning sign...


You're running out of time

You can't relate, you still escape

Because you think you've seen it all

You're right on time until you find

They've just been waiting for the fall

Because the writing's on the wall


The writing's on the wall

When it bends you try to walk a straight line

Something more for less and in the meantime

It changes shape and shifts it takes you over

Its just a warning sign

You can't relate, you still escape


Because you think you've seen it all

You're right on time until you find

They've just been waiting for the fall

The Writing's on the wall

The Writing's on the wall

It's seven-hundred stories tall


The Writing's on the wall

Take your time it's a state of mind

Take your time just until you find

Take your time it's a state of mind

The Writing's on the wall

The Writing's on the wall


It's seven-hundred stories tall

The Writing's on the wall

oops...hehe...wrong picture...slip of the erm typing fingers...


I meant to insert this picture.....




"Now, the temptation is going to be, by well-meaning people such as yourself and others here, as we run up to the issue, to get me to negotiate with myself in public," Bush told the questioner. "To say, you know, "What's this mean, Mr. President? What's that mean? (Reuters)

"I'm not going to do that. I don't get to write the law. I'll propose a solution at the appropriate time," Bush said. (Reuters)

Asked to explain one facet of his Social Security policy, Bush agreed but said, "I will try to explain how without negotiating with myself. It's a very tricky way to get me to play my cards. I understand that." (Reuters)

PARIS (AFP) - cited @ yahoo news:

Here, then, is a selection of some of those "offbeat" stories which offered an insight into human nature in 2004:

ZHENGZHOU, China: A Chinese couple raised their only child for 13 years in the belief it was a girl, until a visit to the local hospital alerted them to the fact that he was really a boy with underdeveloped sexual organs. They did not realize anything was wrong until they were baffled by a "reaction in the lower half of his body" whenever he watched pretty women on TV. Doctors concluded he was suffering from a rare disease causing sexual organs to be somewhat hidden from view and performed a successful three-hour operation to correct the problem.

RATCHABURI, Thailand: A group of Thai Buddhist monks were arrested and defrocked after holding a spate of rowdy drug and alcohol parties. Villagers complained about their wild behaviour and drug-taking at the local temple. Five of the saffron-robed monks tested positive for amphetamine pills and a sixth was blind drunk.

COSENZA, Italy: A driverless railway engine thundered nearly 200 kilometres (120 miles) through southern Italy at 80 kilometres (50 miles) an hour before staff managed to derail it. The driver had set the locomotive in motion, leaned out to see if the line ahead was clear, then slipped and fell from his cabin. Another railway worker tried to jump aboard and stop it but failed and the train gathered speed until it was finally switched to a track with a long incline and it smashed through buffers at a disused station before finally coming to a halt.

ZAGREB: A South African who fell in love with a Croatian beauty he has never even spoken to, travelled halfway round the world in search of the woman of his dreams. Keith van der Spuy saw the woman only twice, on a boat and in a nightclub, while on holiday in the former Yugoslav republic but could not get her out of his head and returned to Croatia weeks later, with two diamonds in his pocket, to track down the haunting blonde -- but, sadly, to no avail.

JERUSALEM: Israeli authorities seized a consignment of 80,000 cans of dog food disguised as gourmet goose liver pate. The Bulgarian product was originally marked as "Chicken for dogs" but was relabelled "Domestic birds' liver pate" and "Pate de foie gras". The importer had also forged a kosher certificate to fulfill the requirements of Jewish dietary law.

LONDON: An aide to Britain's royal family lost his job after attempting to sell one of Queen Elizabeth's traditional Christmas puddings on Internet auction site eBay. Ben Church, a 25-year-old office administrator, was sacked and marched out of Buckingham Palace after he tried to sell the pudding for 20 pounds (39 dollars, 29 euros). An unnamed colleague told the Daily Mirror: "It's really mean and petty to sack him so close to Christmas, all for the sake of a pudding."

SEOUL: Three South Korean dogmeat lovers face a 70,000-dollar lawsuit after cooking and eating their employer's pedigree dog. The men, employees at a car-hire firm, killed and served up the expensve Jindo dog in the traditional Korean soup dish, Boshintang, while their boss was away.

CLUJ, Romania: A dog owner was forced to leave his apartment after a court ordered his mastiff to be removed from the building because its snoring kept the neighbours awake. Whenever Attila Varga's Neapolitan mastiff Sumo snored, the walls of the neighbouring flats shook and burglar alarms went off. A disappointed Varga said: "We share the same bed and I've got so used to it that I don't even hear it any more."

ALDERSHOT, England: A drunken soldier sparked a major security alert after leaving a regimental party dressed as an Arab suicide bomber. Fifteen police cars, along with dog handlers were called out after a passer-by spotted someone near an army base wearing an Arab-style robe, a turban and false beard, as well as orange paper, wires and candles stuffed into a jacket to make it look like he was carrying explosives. The soldier, who was drunk, was ordered to pay a small on-the-spot fine.

HASTINGS, New Zealand: A mother has been breastfeeding her Staffordshire terrier puppy, saying she did not want to waste the milk after her own daughter switched to being bottle-fed. Kura Tumanako, said she saw nothing wrong with breastfeeding the dog as she wants it to protect her baby girl as the pair grow up. "He drinks more than the baby. It doesn't hurt, but it's a little bit ticklish," she said.

SLUNJ, Croatia: A Roman Catholic priest beat up a member of his parish, threatened others with a rifle and crashed his car in a night of drunken rage after a quarrel in a restaurant. Josip Stefancic punched a guest in the face, took a rifle and waved it other guests before fleeing in his car and crashing into a tree, refusing a breath test when police arrived at the scene. His bishop, Mile Bogovic, was surprisingly understanding. "Stefancic did not act alone. The wine was with him," he said.

LONDON: A number of wealthy clients of the smart London restaurant Zafferano clubbed together to buy one of the most expensive truffles in the world for 40,000 euros (53,000 dollars), but it ended up spoiling in a refrigerator. The 850-gram (30-ounce) delicacy from Tuscany was put on display at the restaurant but then the chef went on holiday after locking the truffle in the fridge and taking the keys with him. When he returned after four days, he found it had rotted, forcing the owner to throw the whole thing out.

CORDOBA, Argentina: Macho Argentine types received a slap in the face when a hair salon put an advert in a local newspaper for a stylist -- but said only gay men need apply. "I have nothing against heterosexuals, but women feel more comfortable if the person taking care of them is gay," the salon owner said. "I have had a lot of complaints in the past. Most male hair stylists are trying to pick up the women."

CHISINAU, Moldova: The president of first division football club Roso saw red when the referee awarded a penalty against his team, so he leaped into his jeep, drove it on to the pitch and tried to run the hapless official down. Mikhail Makayev chased the astonished referee around the ground for several minutes until he escaped by clambering up into the stands. The match was abandoned and Roso's opponents Poitekhnik were awarded the game 3-0.



GUWAHATI, India: An army officer was dismissed and another suspended after a court martial found they splashed tomato ketchup on civilians to make them look like dead Assam separatist rebels in a bid for a gallantry medal. Colonel H.S. Kohli took photos of civilians posing as corpses and gave them to his senior officers as proof of the killings, but records later showed no deaths had been reported.

PALEMBANG, Indonesia: A landmark bridge in Sumatra is in danger of collapse because too many men are urinating on one of its steel pillars. Surveyors have found that the Ampera bridge in Palembang has begun to lean at an angle and rocks slightly when traffic is heavy. Council spokesman Azmi Lakonisaid: "We are concerned that one of its main support piers has been weakened by urine, as it is a popular spot for locals to relieve themselves." He added that the acidic fluid's corrosive forces could lead to the eventual collapse of the bridge.

LONDON: British television watchdogs ruled that a pig which was sexually pleasured on camera by a minor celebrity did not feel degraded by the experience. Dozens of viewers had complained about an episode of a reality television show in which the audience were treated to the sight of Rebecca Loos, the self-proclaimed ex-lover of England football captain David Beckham, stimulating the boar for 10 minutes to produce a flask of semen. An animal charity condemned the scenes as "morbid and sordid" but the broadcasting standards body said the procedure was perfectly normal on a farm. "We don't believe that the scene was degrading or harmful to the boar," they ruled.

SHENYANG, China: A Chinese safari park decided to celebrate the New Year and the start of the Year of the Monkey by dying its primates bright red and yellow. But painting the monkeys was no easy matter job as they refused to cooperate. "We had to anaesthetize them first", a park spokesman said. "They seemed to be surprised at their new strange coats when they woke up. But after a while, they indulged themselves in pleasure."

OSLO: Until the divorce papers dropped into her letter box, a 22-year-old woman was unaware that she had been married to a complete stranger for a year. The woman's wallet was snatched some years ago and her identification cards were used in an Islamic ceremony to unite her and a Pakistani man in holy matrimony. She hopes to have the marriage annulled, but investigators have closed the case as they cannot find the man, believed to be operating under several different aliases.

HONG KONG: A five-year-old's innocent call to his mother landed his father in hot water. "Mummy, daddy brought a woman home and they are on the bed," the boy said and the mother rushed home to find her husband and his 20 year-old mistress canoodling and a vicious catfight broke out, which ended with the mother being arrested for possession of an offensive weapon, a kitchen knife she had allegedly tried to use and the mistress giving herself up to police shortly afterwards.

Note to self:
1. cheap McDonalds coffee is not good enough to be drunken on its own without the help of a hint of chocolate to make it digestable.
2. caffeine before bed is a bad idea.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=287634

One of my friends is thinking about sending her daughter to Steiner education. There is something that worries me about this. While language acquisition has a few varied theories and schools of thought - whether you believe the Chomskian Universal Grammar, or the Piagetian/Vygotskian cognitive development strands - there is one thing that most of these theories have and that is a critical language acquisition period of anywhere from 7 to 15 years (approximately only - also depends on cognitive development) during the beginning of a child's life. Essentially the idea is that during the first 15 years of a child's life they learn language - if they are not exposed to it before the age of 15 they will never learn it properly.

The critical language acquisition period works in a similar way to second language acquisition. If you are exposed to the second language before 15 years of age you have much better chance of learning it rather than after 15 years. Before 15 years you have almost an innate (Chomsky) ability to learn without even trying - after 15 years you move more into cognitive learning (Piaget/Vygotksy) which relies more on your intelligence, that is, after 15 if you're damn damn smart and willing to give it a shot you will get by, however, conversely, if you are a bit of a fool you are screwed.

Now, Steiner education forges almost half of the critical language acquisition period as the following quote shows (see below). For seven (7) years they don't teach a child to read or write. The other ideas I have no problem with. It is the delaying of the language teaching that worries me. Have there ever been any proper independent studies on Steiner education? I am really interested to know whether or not it does affect a child's abilities later in life. Because, as I have said above, it seems as though they are forsaking half of a very critical period in a child's life for the sake of being artistic and "different" - and puting a child through that to prove a point seems a tad bit of a risk I would not be willing to take without something to back it up. Most of the studies I have seen have been run entirely by someone with a vested interest in Steiner - which is somewhat worrying. Steiner self regulating is as bad as the drug companies self regulating - and we would never let that happen now would we? :)

Here are some of its key points:

* Up to the age of seven encourage play, drawing, story telling, being at home, nature study and natural things.
* Do not teach children younger than seven to read.
* Teach a child to write before you teach them to read.
* Do not keep changing a child's teacher: allow one teacher to carry on teaching the same class for seven years.
* Allow children to concentrate on one subject at a time - do history two hours per day for several weeks and then do geography for two hours per day etc.
* Find links between art and science.
* Engage with the child and make sure that they are enthusiastic about the material being covered.
* Give a moral lead but do not teach a particular set of beliefs.
* Encourage learning for its own sake. Do not just work for exams.

(www.freedom-in-education.co.uk/Steiner.htm)

When I was younger, two (2) people from my year in primary school tried to rob bilo (grocery store). They got the idea from the signs all over banks: "remove motorbike helmets before entering". So donned in bike helmets, they walked into the local grocery store and started filling grocery bags with items and tried to walk away. It didn't work. They were the laughing stock of the school.

Jessica Simpson really got hit with the ugly stick compared to her sister Ashlee - but at least Jessica can say her parents were off the booze long enough at the time to spell her name correctly, something, Ashlee cannot equally attest too.

Whose stupid idea was it to wash my tea-towels because they had a small stain on them? Now there's no stain - there's no tea-towel either - just a pile of cotton attached to the rest of my washing :|

As I lay there last night I was thinking of 4 things:

1. If I ever do this again I will end up turning into my father;
2. Toilets need some padding so they are softer under your arms;
3. Sex; and
3. Tiles are not comfortable to sleep on.

I thought I'd listen to the radio through the computer and sort of set up this whole psuedo-surround sound type thing by using my two (2) clock radios - the only problem is that the online stream of the radio is one song behind the radio broad cast...so I ended up with total confusing chaos.

Underwear Goes Inside The Pants - Lazyboy

Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal?
It’s a natural plant that grows in the dirt.
Do you know what’s not natural?
80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That’s not natural.
But we got pills for that.
We’re dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect,
but we’re putting people in jail for something that grows in the dirt?

You know we have more prescription drugs now.
Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad.
I can’t watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases.
Like: “Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?”
Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have it.
Half the time I don’t even know what the commercial is…
people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean.
I’m like that is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that?
That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.

The schools now… It is all about self-esteem in the schools now.
Build the kids’ self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves.
If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who is going to dance in our strip clubs?
What’s going to happen to our porno industry?
These women don’t just grown on trees.
It takes lots of drunk daddys missing dance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.
And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection?

Masterminds are another word that comes up all the time.
You keep hearing about these terrorists masterminds that get killed in the middle east.
Terrorists masterminds.
Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe what these guys do, don’t you think?
They’re not masterminds.
“OK, you take bomb, right? And you put in your backpack. And you get on bus and you blow yourself up. Alright?”
“Why do I have to blow myself up? Why can’t I just…”
“Who’s the fucking mastermind here? Me or you?”

Americans, let’s face it: We’ve been a spoiled country for a long time.
Do you know what the number one health risk in America is?
Obesity. They say we’re in the middle of an obesity epidemic.
An epidemic like it is polio. Like we’ll be telling our grand kids about it one day.
The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004.
“How’d you get through it grandpa?”
“Oh, it was horrible Johnny, there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere.”

Nobody knows why were getting fatter? Look at our lifestyle.
I’ll sit at a drive thru.
I’ll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up to make the eight foot walk to the totally empty counter.
Everything is mega meal, super sized. Want biggie fries, super sized, want to go large.
You want to have thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother fucker. There’s room in the back. Take it!
Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that? It’s only three more cents.

Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life.
Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there’d be a Microsoft?
Of course not.
You got to spend a long time in your own locker with your underwear shoved up your ass before you start to think,
“You’ll see. I’m going to take of the world of computers! I’ll show them.”

We’re in one of the richest countries in the world,
but the minimum wage is lower than it was thirty five years ago.
There are homeless people everywhere.
This homeless guy asked me for money the other day.
I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol.
And then I thought, that’s what I’m going to use it on.
Why am I judging this poor bastard.
People love to judge homeless guys. Like if you give them money they’re just going to waste it.
Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do? Save it up and buy a wall unit?
Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack? He’s homeless.
I walked behind this guy the other day.
A homeless guy asked him for money.
He looks right at the homeless guy and says why don’t you go get a job you bum.
People always say that to homeless guys like it is so easy.
This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants.
Outside his pants. I’m guessing his resume isn’t all up to date.
I’m predicting some problems during the interview process.
I’m pretty sure even McDonalds has a “underwear goes inside the pants” policy.
Not that they enforce it really strictly, but technically I’m sure it is on the books.

I decided I'd go on a high protein diet, not traditionally by lowering the carbohydrates and increasing the protein - just by increasing the protein. I for one can say it didn't work - and for good reason - but I've sure as hell been eating a lot of fish and lentils lately :|

They have this new whiz-bang fandangled *cough* lube *cough* out. It is like menthol mixed in with normal lube. It has this whole ice cold feel that increases to a mildly burning heat *cough* not that I've used it or anything *cough*.

However - I'm almost sure they stole the whole idea from my brother. He used to put deep heat aka tiger balm aka whatever brand name equivalent you want to use all over himself and sort of put a bit down in his *cough* pants *cough* to sort of psych himself up for football games. We all thought he was crazy/weird - apparently he was just a few sexual revolution years ahead of his time.

Top female actors by pay are loosely as follows: Julia Roberts, followed by: Cameron Diaz; Nicole Kidman; Reese Witherspoon; Drew Barrymore; Halle Berry; Sandra Bullock; Angelina Jolie; Renee Zellweger; and Jennifer Lopez.

So essentially we have Julia Roberts who, more often than not, just plays herself. We have Cameron Diaz who acts like a ditzy blonde, and *shock-horror* is one in real life if any of the interviews are anything to go by. Followed by Nicole Kidman who plays a cold calculated person really well - even when being interviewed on the Oprah Winfrey show. At least Drew Barrymore, Halle Berry, Angelina Jolie, Renee Zellweger can act - albeit - occasionally.

Where is the real female acting talent? Like: Jodie Forster; Uma Thurman erm....ok so maybe there isn't really any female acting talent. Come to think of it - there's not much male acting talent either. I think the best actor I've seen for a while has been an animated donkey.

What is it with razors? They go from single blade to twin blade to triple blade to quad blade in the spate of 4 years! They go from no moisture strip to two moisture strips to three moisture strips to some weird type of reservoir in them in the same timeframe!

They're as bad as toothbrushes! Always changing! Damn advertisers must be having a field day with the gullible public!

When I was younger, my friend, who coincidently was also named Adam, be-friended a child in kindergarten who used to tell the funniest jokes ever. They weren't really jokes at all - but the child thought they were - and as 10 year olds, we would, to the point of urinating, laugh ourselves stupid at them. I remember one "joke" was:

Q: "How did the cow get across the river?"
A: "In the boat with the duck - of course!"

There was no logic to these jokes. As I have already said - they weren't jokes at all. None the less this child never failed to make us laugh. I hoped that I would never lose the ability to laugh at pointless childish jibberish. Naively and somewhat retrospectively - I still hope.

In a week where the BBC have gotten into trouble with a Bhopal hoax; there was the lowest cricket defeat by a test side ever; and more bombings taint the "democracy" and "safety of the free Iraqi people"; however, on the homefront, well, namely my homefront - things have been a little more subdued.

I went to a road safety audit on Monday and Tuesday - which was fantastic - the lunch was pretty cool, but more importantly, the course was worthwhile. They had a special segment set aside pointing out all of the issues with Port Macquarie CBD - it had a special place in my heart. Relief is the word I would best use to describe it - relief that not only myself, but, the engineering fraternity at large have realised that landscape designers should not be designing towns and the chaotic crash-inducing mess that is the business district of port macquarie is the result of such meanderings.

The rest of my week involved road safety audits as i treked back up the coast to Port Macquarie. I am over restaurant food - the past couple of days I've been served a meal with a large piece of clear plastic in it which I nearly choked on, and grubs which the chef insisted were not maggots on my chicken and salad on a separate occasion.