My Manifesto: The Incoherent Ramblings of a Madman

Fucking Up - Neil Young

Lonely drifter on the hill. Why do I?
One must have a heart of steel. Why do I?
It's not how you look but how you feel. Why do I?
You must have a heart of steel. Why do I?
Why do I keep fucking up?

I can see you on the hill. Why do I?
All comatose but walking still. Why do I?
Flowing curves beneath your flowing gown. Why do I?
Oh, only I can bring myself down. Why do I?
Why do I keep fucking up?

Bowman's pick and dogs that bite. Why do I?
Oh, dogs that howl through the night. Why do I?
Oh, broken leashes all over the floor. Why do I?
Keys left hanging in a swinging door. Why do I?
Why do I keep fucking up?

it is currently 48 degrees Celsius. my throat is dry. i cannot for the life of me get rid of these flies. i have been lugging around 25 kg of suitcase for 3 days - most of which contains work files. i have only one set of spare clothes other than the ones i am wearing. if i shall die before i wake i give to APEX my APEX shirt and my APEX Hawaii shirt that is such good quality it lasted one wash before the APEX badge fell off and disintegrated so badly that it made my entire load of washing white with funny felt backing and cheap cotton --> never let it be said I do not help community based organisations :)

I am in Bourke. Please do not do any of the following while I am gone:

1) Steal my car
2) Break into my house
3) Laugh at me (well not to hard)
4) Steal my computer
5) siphon the petrol from my hired car, jack it up, and steal the tyres.

While I am in Bourke feel free to do the following:

1) Visit me
2) Light a candle at a midnight vigil in my honour
3) Turn your oven onto high, close all of the doors and windows, and sit there infront of it curled up underneath a rug during the latter part of summer.
4) Offer to do my washing - I have no washing machine, and I for the life of me, cannot work out whether or not Bourke has a laundromat.

Ah - I am now almost qualified to go onto my Bourke site. There is only confined space training, lead managed training and a few other things that my boss insists I do not need before I am fully allowed to go onto my site - ah for the love of incompetence.

I was being yelled at by my boss and he tried to make me look like a fool with respect to what service dial-before-you-dig offers. He insisted it is a telstra service and only offers telstra locations - this is coming from a person who I had to inform about what dial-before-you-dig actually did! He is there trying to tell me what the company does - when I told him about them! I was ready to kick his fucking arse in!

It was the proudest day of my life when I beat my boss in our OHS induction quiz - he got one question right out of 15. I got 14/15. Somehow he is our resident OHS expert - it scares me. What scares me more is that OHS inspector looked at our "safety manual" and said it was fine - then kept quizzing here and there delving deeper into it and realised it was bullshit - however, my boss will still go away thinking all is well. Ignorance is bliss; however, ignorance is no defense for breaking the law.

I am not sure I can work for others who are incompetent. I am not sure I am competant enough to work for myself. I am living in a state of perpetual catch 22.

My trip to Bourke is looming more and more closer. We had trouble trying to hire a car for me because I am under 25. It was almost a disaster! Bought the plane ticket, hired the car, then they decide to tell me I can't hire the car once all of the plans were set! By then it was too late. The damn plane ticket was bought!

With an extra $800 later - I have a car hire. Apparently money talks and bullshit walks.

My boss still has me working on Kangaroo Trail road. The Council we are working for has not commented on the preliminary plan - and I am going to be in Bourke in half a week. Consequently - I have no idea what the hell is going to happen with the project!

I do not understand why america is wasting so much time and money in going through Arafat's books. Whether they can show that he is corrupt or not will not make any difference when the entire world knows that America is an Israeli ally, hence, they are a Palestinian enemy. Nothing they can say or do in that respect will make anyone involved with the leader change their opinions of him.

Everyone has to watch prime tonight! There's this dodgy show where these women take hte total piss out of everyone for what they wear - the funny thing is - the "stylish" hostesses dress like a clown on speed mixed with a dogs vomit!

There are some things in life we have no control over. What time the sun sets. What time the sun rises. The seasons. When our time is up. I do not know how I will die. I do not know when I will die. However, there is one thing that is for certain - I do not want to die slowly. It can be said that I am dying slowly now; every day as I grow older I near closer to Deaths' door - but that is beside whatever point it is I am trying to make.

I do not want to get alzheimers disease. I do not want to get motor nuerone disease. I do not want to get cancer. If I get any type of illness which cripples me - I want to be euthanased.

My grandmother had two (2) husbands die. She had met a friend several years afterwards. Her friend found out he had cancer. To stop her from going through the pain of losing another loved one he turned her away from him. He died almost alone three (3) years later. That is one of the most noble acts I had heard at the time. It is something I wish I had the courage to do. It is something I want to do but at the same time I wish to die knowing the people around me love me.

I do not know what I want in death - but I can say this for certain - in death I do not want to upset anyone, I do not want any attention drawn to me, I would rather just fade away back into this god forsaken earth from which I have come.

The google recommended search for the week is the following site:

http://www.tvtome.com/BlueHeelers/:

Welcome to the Blue Heelers site at TV Tome.
Show Type: Crime/Character
First Telecast: January 18, 1994
Currently Airs: Wednesday 8:30 on Channel Seven
Episodes: 420 Aired Episodes

Fuck-me-dead - even google is reinforcing racial stereotypes these days. Purely because I am australian does not mean I watch an Australia TV show named after an Australian cattle dog.


www.sbs.com.au/:

SBS is the voice and vision of multicultural Australia. SBS celebrates
difference and promotes understanding.

Now that is more like it, good ol' SBS, or as I like to call it Sex Boobs and Sex. Those French "art house" movies are some good quality viewing - for the storylines of course. SBS is actually a really good tv station. It has all these crazy documentaries and delves into things that no other tv station will touch. Their news is actually news rather than half baked advertisments disguised as news stories.

Ah if only the ignorant masses knew what they were missing.

I have finally convinced my boss to enrol me in a course of note. Occupational Health and safety is a major issue these days - it basically gets down to the fact that everyone through the chain of command is personally liable for all those below them who fuck up - to the amount of money of $250,000 depending on what goes wrong - let's just say that I have been having a heart attack over this whole thing - if shit hits the fan i'll be bankrupt and in gaol for 10 years to pay off the fine!

REM decided to take me on a "mystery" road trip - we ended up at the big banana at Coffs Harbour. We went ice skating, and, most importantly I got my chocolate coated frozen banana from the big banana - that is really the only thing I usually stop at Coffs Harbour for! It was a win-win road trip - REM got to ice skate, and I got to eat a choc-coated frozen banana.

I was shocking at ice skating - they had old man walking frames for you to lean on as we you went around so you were more mobile than merely sticking to the edges - I pretty much took my old man walking frame and ran with it. It was the only thing keeping me up! I've got blistered feet and bruise knees from the experience. No bastard told me that ice skating was that much harder than roller blading - everytime I thought I had the hang of it my blade would get stuck in someone elses tracks and I was on my arse again.

It was really strange going out on the town there - myself and three others were the only people not wearing a tie - I've never felt so underdressed in my entire life - I was like a fish out of water.

Ah I'll be back later with something more interesting to say. Off to APEX.

The federal government has accused the opposition leader of "playing popular politics" - the last time I looked we were "supposed" to be governed by politicians who we the people voted in to make decisions that we wanted made on our behalf - shouldn't "playing popular politics" be what governing a country is all about?

I'm going to fly par-way to Bourke - hire a car to drive the rest - and drive back here. I just hope the little hyundai they give me can make the trip in one piece - even if it does make the trip, the locals may still well have their way with it.

My arm is blistered - sunburn.

My tooth hurts - for no reason.

I got sunburnt when helping out at the Port Macquarie Triathlon at one of the drink stands. I have often competed in fun-runs and had people hand me drinks, I was always thankful for their help and support, so I thought it only fair I give something back to others.

I have never seen such a poor sport in my entire life as the person who won the triathlon - he was so rude, arrogant, and showed so much discontempt for the people who were volunteering to help out at the drink stands that I was ready to trip him over. We had the drink stands set up so the drinks were there in a set order: water, coca-cola, poweraid (sponsored by coca-cola). He demanded we re-arranage the entire drink stands merely for him as he was running along: "I want fucking coke, fucking poweraid and fucking water in that order!!!!!!" I do not know who he thought he was - but he was getting drinks in the same order as everyone else: fucking water, fucking coca-cola, and fucking poweraid.

I did not volunteer to get spat at, sworn at, and yelled at by a rude bastard - if I had wanted that I would have gone to the pub.

It is sad that it takes for ex-president Reagan to get Alzheimer's before people realise the lack of funding that goes into research for finding a cure for the disease - George Bush nearly took what little hope they had of finding a cure away when he was ready to abolish stem-cell research, were it not for Reagan's wife pleading with Junior - there would be no research left.

My boss wants me to drive to Bourke on my own because it will be cheaper for him and the client. This is a 12 hr drive into the middle of the outback - there is no way in hell I am driving that on my own! Unless some random stranger from internetsville wants to go with me - to hell with my boss, to hell with the client, to hell with them all - I'm flying!

The only trouble is I'll end up in the middle of no where for almost two (2) weeks whether I need to be or not. Bourke = arsehole of Australia - so far from everything else that there is nothing beyond it other than desert. Are there any takers for a road trip to hell and back? You won't need to do any driving - merely stay awake on kangaroo/goat watch.

Surprisingly it's actually hot in port macquarie today - yes folks, I too thought this day would never happen, but, alas, it has - the temperature was over 30 degrees celcius - it must be the hottest day since I've been here! Usually anything over 20 degrees and the people complain!

Is there no sanity left in the world?


Fallen pop star PETER ANDRE is re-launching his music career after catching the eye of record labels with his crooning on British reality TV show I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!. The Australian Mysterious Girl hit maker had several hits in the late '90s, but quickly slipped into obscurity. But in the show, he has captivated viewers with his antics - including romancing glamour model Jordan and composing songs inspired by his time in the wild. A record industry source says, "Not only has he got one company interested in him, he's got two now. "It was always his intention to re-launch himself when he left the jungle, but nobody thought he would have people fighting over him." (wenn) (http://au.music.yahoo.com/news/)

Here is a poem I wrote a few years back. You are free to use it - but I must be given credit for it - I do not want to go through the hassles of being plagerised yet again - you have been warned.


The Fallen - Adam J S

The waves relentless in their onslaught
Wearing them down through persistence
Crashing into the shear cliff face
Howling thunderously in the distance

The waves powerful in their attack
Tearing them apart through determination
Cracking the once rock-solid barrier
Whaling fiercely through the night

The waves falter in their bombardment
Worn out, from their existence
Creating pity from the defensive
No one lives to fight the resistance.

The waves fight long forgotten
No white cross - bears their name
Crying comrades walk the rows
Failing to see who really won the game.

I always put up a wall. I never let people really know me. Perhaps it is part of my enigmatic charm? I am afraid that if they do they won’t want to know me. In reality I am a cynical, bitter, lost, lonely, sad, depressed person who has lost faith in almost everything. People don’t really want to be reminded of that.

People don’t latch onto me – they never have. They never will. I am not a people person. Most people put up with me – but most people just think I’m weird – perhaps I am. Perhaps I don’t want to be the normal person who does nothing but get blind drunk every weekend, watch the cricket, watch the football, beat up the wife afterwards, throw a slipper at the dog to make him shut up, and repeat the same process the next weekend.

STOCKHOLM (Reuters) - A vet sent to inspect a strong stench coming from an uninhabited rural cottage in south-west Sweden collapsed, poisoned by fumes from the feces of some 20 cats locked inside for months, a newspaper reported Tuesday.

(http://story.news.yahoo.com/)

I could not imagine how bad it would be to collapse from cat shit :|

Greg Norman showing the world what a sexist bastard he is:

"But I think the rightful place is that women play on their tour and we play on ours."

I think he is just scared that women, along with men, will beat him. It's not like he did much other than choke in the end in most tournaments anyway. Coming second to a woman is still just as bad as coming second to a man - in the end it is still second place.

Please some fucker join APEX so I can stop them all whinging about no one wanting to join.

This friendly message has been brought to you by your friendly APEX vice president.

Revisting some old blogs due to some questions that have come up of late (just go to the archives and read, if so inclined of course, as I'm not going to link them because it takes 5 mins longer than I really could be bothered spending):

Some pics of me we have -->

Assorted Pics, More Assorted Pics, Adam in Pajamas , and last but not least , Adam In Red

My thoughts on human kind, creation and religion-->

Sat Sep 06, 11:14:58 AM
Mon Sep 01, 09:15:03 PM
Wed Oct 15, 08:55:53 PM

My thoughts on mobile phones -->

Fri Nov 28, 08:47:52 PM
Sat Dec 06, 09:58:36 AM
Sat Dec 06, 10:01:45 AM

My thoughts on freedom -->

Sat Dec 06, 09:38:22 AM
Sun Sep 21, 09:07:51 AM
Sat Nov 01, 08:14:14 PM
Thu Sep 25, 08:17:40 PM

My thoughts on the environment -->

Mon Nov 24, 07:32:01 PM
Sat Sep 06, 12:10:28 PM
Thu Sep 11, 01:52:01 PM

Ok what the hell is Peter Andre; a person who could never: dance; sing; or entertain correctly; doing in a show with the word "Celebrity" in its title? At the height of his career he had 3 forgettable hit singles about 7 years ago. He was never a celebrity even in his hey day - ok, perhaps I'm being overly critical of the guy - after all, retired pop singers don't usually have much in life to go on with other than trying to keep the glory days alive, if no where else, than their own minds.


Former Australian pop star Peter Andre has revealed he enjoyed a secret six-month affair with ex-Spice Girl Mel B live on TV. The 30-year-old singer, who has seen his music career wane in recent years, is currently appearing on live reality TV show I'm A Celebrity?Get Me Out Of Here!' - and chose the first episode to 'out' his relationship with the star. He boasted to his fellow contestants, "I was seeing Mel B for six months and no-one knew about it. And I don't even give a s*** . You can do what you want and no-one will even hear about it." (wenn) (cited: http://au.music.yahoo.com/news/)

I'm reading this book on the history of Islam and Christendom at the moment. Titled: "What Went Wrong?" By Bernard Lewis. It starts loosely in the beginning of the holy wars.

The biggest problem between the Muslims and Christians was that for so long the Muslims led the world and the infidels were nothing short of barbarians. This became problematic. With a feeling that there was nothing to be gained from proper lines of communication with the infidels, the Muslims lost touch with reality and the infidels caught up both technologically and culturally.

It took losses in battles for the Muslims to realise that the infidels were more technologically advanced, at least in warfare, if in nothing else. They slowly learnt to mimic the infidels in weapons and training methods.

However, mimicking another way of doing something which was better than theirs at the time was not a solution to the problem. Copying another puts you one step behind them at every turn. They never got to the point where they asked: "Why are they always a step ahead of us?"; instead they would oft ask: "How quickly can we learn their ways?".

The infidels would destroy entire races who would not accept Christendom. In contrast to this, the Muslims were tolerant of other religions practiced within their vast empire. Every battle won by the infidels would be ruthless and bloody. With advanced weaponry - in the end none in their path were safe as the Christian war machine marched on.

The problem with converting the Muslims to Christendom was this: Christianity was an earlier, tainted version of faith of which Islam was the final product. Many Muslims in captured territories refused to denounce their faith and were eradicated because of this. This religious distinction was, in part, a contributor to why the Muslims were wary in attempting to learn anything from the infidels. The infidels in contrast had set up universities which would study Muslim cultures and languages. The infidels also set up embassies within the Muslim empire.

Now my question is: "If we were learning from the Muslims back then, why are we not still trying to learn from them now?" "if we were listening to them then? - why not now?"; it makes sense to study and understand your 'enemy', if for no other reason than you find their strengths and weaknesses.

It is sad that in this day and age we still look at things so black and white. The "west is best" attitude should be beyond us. Modern medicine is looking more and more towards old fashioned remedies. Converting people to your way of thinking is counterproductive to giving us other ways of thinking, other ways of doing things, other ways of living.

He who knows what he is told, must know a lot of things that are not so - Arthur Guiterman