My Manifesto: The Incoherent Ramblings of a Madman

Broken links, broken links, links to random sites that have changed ten times over so they now resemble nothing like they were meant to - it's a good thing no one ever relied on my site for anything other than to abuse me or try and convince me to fund the president of Nigeria's real estate scam.

I've been bouncing around the house in my underwear almost reminiscent of Tom Cruise in Risky Business singing this song. An Aside: those were the days, a more innocent time, when Tom Cruise was just a bad actor with a bit of an attitude problem and the humble beginnings of a god complex.

BUT back to the song lyrics so you too - can be bouncing around the house singing it like a crazy person. Of course that relies on there actually being a you out there in random internet land.


"The Bomb" - Pigeon John

Wait, wake up in the morning to the clear blue sky
Turn up the music when I hop in the ride
The windows down let the whole world see
Can’t nobody rock it like the little old me

I’m the bomb and I’m ’bout to blow up
I’m the bomb and I’m ’bout to blow up

I got my chucks and my dickies and I put it on black
Banging Sinatra in the black cadillac
My old lady leaning out the whole window
Everybody lookin’ when we walk in slow

I’m the bomb and I’m ’bout to blow up
I’m the bomb and I’m ’bout to blow up

Wait, 1 for the money and a 2 for the show
but 3 to be a legend even if I’m poor
I ain’t chasin’ nothin’ you gon’ have to catch me
and if you wanna taste you gon’ have to pay a fee

I’m the bomb and I’m ’bout to blow up
I’m the bomb and I’m ’bout to blow up

Call my mama, in-laws and my little scarecrows?
When they hear my record well they all hit the floor
Babies rock a pose c’mon fill the front row
The homies in the back tip their hats real low

I’m the bomb and I’m ’bout to blow up
I’m the bomb and I’m ’bout to blow up

wowo wooo..
wowo wooo.. (everybody singing now)
wowo wooo..
wowo wooo.. (everybody singing now)
wowo wooo.. (everybody singing now)
wowo wooo.. (everybody singing now)
wowo wooo..
wowo wooo.. (everybody singing now)
wowo wooo..
wowo wooo.. (alright now)

Ok, come on everybody won’t you clap your hands
White folks do it on time if they can
Sounds good, now here’s the plan
Let’s all sing together like we’re in the same band

I’m the bomb and I’m ’bout to blow up
I’m the bomb and I’m ’bout to blow up
I’m the bomb and I’m ’bout to blow up
I’m the bomb and I’m ……. ………….

Now, we’re gonna reach another whole new level
Grabbin’ the light on the run from the devil (watch out)
Been downtown for too long
I feel the sun risin’ all up in my bones

I’m the bomb and I’m ’bout to blow up
I’m the bomb and I’m ’bout …to BLOW UP

wowo wooo..
wowo wooo.. (everybody singing now)
wowo wooo..
wowo wooo.. (everybody singing now)
wowo wooo.. (everybody singing now)
wowo wooo.. (everybody singing now)
wowo wooo..
wowo wooo.. (everybody singing now)
wowo wooo..
wowo wooo..
wowo wooo..
wowo wooo..

Other present suggestions for me:

1. Lifting straps or
2. Money clip

And without further ado, my birthday list of things I want but expect never to actually get because no one reads this nor if they did would they actually provide said things:

1. Silhouette sunglasses;
2. World War Z - Max Brooks;
3. To know why people are using dynamite outside my window just now;
4. Elliott Smith - Elliott Smith;
5. A bottle or 15 of Wynns Coonawarra Cabernet Sauvignon;
6. A new moleskin gym diary with two days per page and a notes section down the right hand side (ok so it's wanky - but damn it's convenient);
7. Hardcore sex with Angelina Jolie;
8. One (1) or two (2) prints from Alex Andreev in a 4x6 size or thereabouts;
9. EEE PC (or equivalent alternative brand name product);
10. Caselogic vertical messenger bag to carry Item 9 around in;
11. A new Parker pen to replace my other one which someone stole;
12. Someone to invent a phone that can take two sim cards at the same time so I can combine work/home phone incoming/outgoing phone calls - unfortunately I realise it's not in any companies economic interests to do this;
13. A new pair of jogging shoes;
14. Found - Davy Rothbart;
15. The Ecstatic - Mos Def; and
16. Backspacer - Pearl Jam.

By the time I go through my hotmail account and remove the facebook spam, penis enlargement spam, president of nigeria spam, and acai berry spam....there's nothing left :|

A lot of things have changed in my life since my last post and I now see the world in a new and different light. I think I have grown for the better as a person. Actually nothing has changed, because my last post was less than a few minutes prior, but I had to start this post with something...

How cool was Mars Day in Sydney? Sure, I woke up at 5am choking to death, gingerly went to the toilet, washed my hands and my face. Dried them on my white towel. It was then I realised that it looked like there was blood dripping from me with the towel looking like I had just killed someone and was trying to soak up the blood serial killer style...(NB: why do serial killers always use white towels to get rid of blood in movies? surely to god they could use a red towel so no one notices...).

I looked out the window saw a fiery red sky and no buildings or skyline. It in all honesty looked like everything had disappeared and been replaced by a ring of hellish fire. I was expecting either zombies (the new-age fast moving kind) or to hear the hooves of the apocalypse circling as madness reigned. I was then expecting to wake up and it all be a dream; BUT 4 days later I'm still choking to fucking death on red dust, swept from the nuclear testing facilities in the Australian desert, that seems to blow right through closed windows....

If this is a sign of our deserted future - I'm joining an environmental group straight away to try and curb (and to improve my hipster cred) this earth-destroying we're hell-bent on achieving ! Preferably one of those groups who likes to protest naked and have group sex and all the other fun hippy stuff...

EDIT: as a side note; why in the hell do so many people in Sydney have face masks on hand at 6am? Is it just in case they need to wear them when commuting to work through a visibility of less than 10 metres? Clearly I never got the handbook of Sydney survival when I moved here.

My new Training Program is going to be loosely as follows:

Day 1: Full body
Day 2: No lifting
Day 3: Lower body
Day 4: Upper body
Day 5: No lifting
Day 6: Full body
Day 7: No lifting
Day 8: Repeat

Exercise selection will be, at least in the beginning until I've ironed out the bugs;

Day 1: Full Body

A) Front Squat for Speed: 6x2 at 60-70% of 1RM, 45s rest between sets
B1) 1-leg DB RDL: 3x10/side
B2) Alternating Low Incline DB Bench Press: 3x6/side
C1) Chest-Supported Row, Pronated Grip: 4x6
C2) Split-Stance Cable Lift: 3x8/side

Day 2: Off from lifting

Day 3: Lower Body

A) Trap Bar Deadlift: 5x3
B) Barbell Reverse Lunge — Front Squat Grip: 3x8/side
C1) Pallof Press Isometric Hold: 3x3/side (10s hold at lockout)
C2) Glute-Ham Raise (natural, if necessary): 3x8

Day 4: Upper Body

A1) Bench Press: 5x3
A2) Neutral Grip Pull-up: 5x3
B1) 1-arm DB Push Press: 3x8/side
B2) Seated Cable Row — Neutral Grip: 3x8
C1) Band-Resisted Ab Wheel Rollout: 3x8
C2) Side-Lying External Rotation: 3x10/side

Day 5: Off from lifting

Day 6: Full Body

A1) Box Squat: 4x6
A2) Feet-Elevated Push-up: 3x12
B1) Standing 1-arm Cable Row: 3x12/side
B2) Walking DB Lunge: 3x6/side
C1) Landmines: 3x5/side
C2) Supine No Money w/Band: 3x4 (10s hold on each rep)
D) Farmer's Walk: 3x40yds

Day 7: Off from lifting

And I will be generally supplementing it with days of: 50 rep chin ups balanced by 100 rep push ups and some stair or hill climbs.

Come Monday --> let the pain begin.

RIH: "I think I'm going to have 20 kids - let them all free range until they're 5 and whatever's left I'll bring home and raise"

I like her style. I'm cool with that.

My mother has had brain surgery to remove a tumor the size of a clenched fist.

It started out with a local hospital saying that there was nothing wrong with her - even though she was showing bizarre signs of behavior and was losing control over her body movements. The head doctor laughed at her and said she was fine and should be discharged. The work experience kid wanted to try her first cat scan 'just for kicks'. Turns out the work experience kid was right and the head doctor is a callous areshole who I am tempted to unleash my brother, who in his own well meaning way, wants to go John-Q on the hospital.

Talking to someone post-brain surgery is a strange feeling and I'm sure every person would behave somewhat differently depending on where/what/how etc. It's like the same old person on the one hand mixed with someone entirely new. It is next to impossible to determine if it's the brain damage from the surgery that has caused the change in personality or whether it is the fact that it was the brain tumor that was causing the original personality.

Even eerier is that every day the old personality traits seem to come through stronger and stronger.

Rehabilitation is next - but what this exactly entails no one seems to be able to answer.

An aside: the more research into brain functions and the like I do - the less I realise we actually know.

In other news:

Today is goal setting day.

My goal: to set a goal before next weekend.

How in the f'ck does one clean a venetian blind? I've been there for over an hour and they still look part-cleaned. They are sending me crazy!

But it gave me this idea (which has probably already been implemented somewhere) I think I'm going to put a tinted one-way glass in my house which negates my need for blinds or curtains. It would have to be sloped slightly outwards so I can quickly give it a wipe over without the need for a proper clean due to its inability to pick up much dust.

Hmmm...or I could just plant a conveniently located plant blocking the window either way it'd have to be better than a venetian.

My parents returned yesterday from shopping to find that, unbeknownst to them in their absence, my brother had broken into their place and moved all of his belongings into their house and under their carport. 

I've started a new job. The new job involves: commuting 1.5 hrs each-way, which in itself is not an issue; a 55 hr week, again not an issue; but the ridiculous early start is killing me.

I'm not quite sure how I am meant to perform at my best when they expect me to rise so early for no apparent reason. The explanation they have given me so far is that: "you need to be there when the workers start..." BUT my orders are usually given the day before as a minimum and a week before as per standard protocol.

In the meantime I am: working to a budget and meeting a program I am not allowed to know. Things will start to get interesting come new year when I am suddenly held accountable for failing to deliver to deadlines I have not been allowed to know...

To my dismay my new boss seems completely uninterested in the few hundred thousand I can save through some contract reviews - which has me wondering: how much money do we stand to make/lose from this project that a few hundred thousand is not worth spending a day chasing?

Is my ignorance bliss?

My new program - well it's more like revisiting an older program of mine with some days switched around:

Monday: Light jog as active recovery from Sunday (AM)

Monday: Heavy Upper Body (PM)

A1: Barbell bench press 6x3 (6 sets of 3 reps)

A2: T-bar row 6x3 (6 sets of 3 reps)

B1: Standing barbell shoulder press 5x5 (5 sets of 5 reps)

B2: Pull-up 5x5 (5 sets of 5 reps)

C1: Skullcrusher 3x5 (3 sets of 5 reps)

C2: Barbell curl 3x5 (3 sets of 5 reps)

Tuesday: Light jog (AM)

Tuesday: Light Lower Body and Abs (PM)

Unilateral leg press 1x25 / 1x20 / 1x15

Barbell stiff leg deadlift 3x12-15

Barbell walking lunge 2x30

Seated calf raise 3x20

Dumbbell axe chops 3xfailure (editors note: when I do these I spend half the time psyching myself up mentally to even attempt them and the rest of the time recovering from them)

Wednesday: Off

Thursday: Light Upper Body

A1: Decline dumbbell bench press 1x15 / 1x12 / 1x20

A2: Dumbbell row 1x15 / 1x12 / 1x20

B1: Dumbbell lateral raise 3x15

B2: Pulldown to the front 3x15

C1: Preacher curl 2x15

C2: Dumbbell axe chops 2x15

Friday: Off

Saturday: Heavy Lower Body and Abs

Barbell squat 6x4

Rack deadlift 1x8 / 1x6 / 1x4 / 1x2 (editors note: I like having a deadlift variant twice per week)

Lying leg curl 3x6

Standing calf raise 5x5

Hanging leg raise 3x8

Sunday : sprinting/ jogging on the beach -> it's summer :)

Adam's Trip to Italy - Mission 3: Pisa
The Italian's would say: "Why do you want to go to Pisa???????? There is nothing there at all"
I would respond: "It's got the leaning tower yeah? Why else?"

The Italian's were right...Pisa was like a mofo' ghetto: not in a "traditional quaint Jewish ghetto" type of way but in a "South Central LA put a cap in yo' arse" type of way. Other than the tower there was barely a single thing of interest. Surprisingly the leaning tower was in better condition than the rest of the dilapidated buildings in town and we all know it is struggling to stand up - the entire town is falling to pieces.

Leaning tower of Pisa shown below - I opted, not by choice (editors note: weather played havoc: gale force winds, strong rain, my jacket kept blowing off and the camera nearly got blown away etc - despite the photos which seem to show a reasonable day), to avoid the stereotypical photo of the tower with my hands holding it up.