My Manifesto: The Incoherent Ramblings of a Madman

Some Chuck Norris Facts:

-Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris!!!

-Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

-Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried because he's a harccore mofo who would kick your arse before you could say "that home gym you conned me into buying sucks"

-Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

-Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

-When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris"

-When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norrised instead.