My Manifesto: The Incoherent Ramblings of a Madman

I got car-parking raged the other day by this old guy at work. Apparently my car had parked him in, I should point something out first, at work the company cars all become pool cars so anyone can use them.

This guy came in donned in full suit/tie and the like and acting all very important and says that the dark blue car has parked him in downstairs. I thought to myself, it's most likely my car, but I really have no idea until I look into it. On the way down to the carpark I realise it is my car and grab my keys. In the meantime this guy swore at me for 15 mins because i had made him late and it was very important that he leave when he wanted to leave, which just so happened to be at the end of the working day - my car had parked him in making him 15 mins late to get where? home? I was ready to hit the fucker. All the time the more and more important the guy was acting like he "was" and/or "is" someone to be reckoned with - but he's parking in my car park...he's parking in the plebs carpark...not in the important carpark with the upper level management and those who matter - so in the scheme of things he is obviously either a nobody like me or somehow managed to get lost!

At no stage did he listen to the fact that I had no even had my car all day - it was someone else altogether who had driven it.

The next day he rings up:

Him: "Hi I'm Darryl"
Me: "Ummm..Ok"
Him: "I'm the fuckhead that yelled at you for 15 mins for parking me in..umm yesterday"
*As soon as he paused to think of what day it was I nearly laughed realising it was a regular event for him*
Me: "Oh - OK"
Him: " I talked to the manager and have now realised it's not you who parked me in - I've found the girl who did it and told her to never do it again"
Me: "Ok"
Him: *hangs up*

So the fuckhead who swears at me for 15 minutes without even listening to me manages to stretch out the car fiasco for another day.

*10 mins later a girl gingerly walks in*

Her: *speaking in a robot-like voice* "I'm sorry for Darryl yelling at you yesterday because I parked his car in. He said I had to apologize to you for him yelling at you - he's a fuckhead"
Me: "Yeah - he is, he even said so"

So a guy who is 15 mins late to go home yells for another 15 mins for no reason at all and then yells at a girl and tells her she has to apologize to me for him yelling at me! Fuck-me-dead!

To top it all off - there's been some auditors at work the past week or so. Four (4) of them, each driving their own car - and somehow they manage to get into the workers carpark with the remote control! I don't even have an automatic switch and I work there! These damn auditors who must have an average age of about 18 are taking up four employee carparks and get the damn remote control - plebs like me have to manually type in a number and get yelled at by self confessed fuckheads because there's not enough parking....

something must be wrong with the books - or do auditors always get sucked up to like that?