My Manifesto: The Incoherent Ramblings of a Madman

Some random mumblings....


1. I'm sitting here shivering my arse off tapping my leg in an almost epileptic fit type fashion as the pins and needles in it send me crazy!

2. I don't know what went wrong tonight - I have been eating like anything! i ate a steak followed by almost an entire broccoli clump thing (bunch?) an entire packet of pappadums, 2 litres of frozen yoghurt, and a bowl of rolled oats and I'm sitting here still hungry!

3. There is some strange TV show on SBS talking about webgirls. Each of them there claiming that their website is more than just a camera on a girl doing nothing...it is art. That always seems to be the way they explain the strange in art circles. Something is not strange or obscure or unique or different or weird - it's artistic. It is not a boring movie with little point, some softcore porn scenes, and shot in black and white - it's an art-house movie.

4. Tonight is the night I decided I'd join the BitTorrent bandwagon - most likely two (2) years too late. They've already been named in legal action. It says the thing I'm downloading, pearl jam live - but of course, is from an "authorised artist" or something along those lines implying it's a legit free copy of the live concert. But if it's all legit - why are they being sued? The only thing I don't understand is how the hell I do something with the file once it gets here, in two (2) days at the current rate, the file type is some weird hippy bittorrent thing.

5. England has been bombed. I thought it was ironic that I rang up CRM to wake her up to inform her of this the same she did for me when September 11 happened a few years back. I'm not sure she was awake enough to understand, what I thought, was funny - not the bombing, just the situation of it all. The English are actually quite understanding of it all and almost unphased. It really is business as usual. They keep saying that they're used to being bombed by the IRA and other terrorists. They keep comparing it to the war and saying how that's nothing compared to what they've seen - and the more I think about it the more I know they're right. It reminded me of what was shocking about September 11 - it wasn't the size of it - it was the fact it happened on American soil and wasn't an American that did it. Usually all the bombings are carried out by local nutters - but not that time. It sort of brought them down to the level of other countries and exposed their weaknesses. England in stark contrast was like a well oiled machine - almost too well oil. It is, one might say, like when they said that were expecting it that they were actually expecting it.

6. Apparently they're chasing down some nutter who claimed on the internet that he was responsible for the bombings - well have i got a scoop for you all, all ummm one (1) of you reading this, including myself, I shot JFK!

7. My road safety audit report has come back with comments which are loosely along the lines of (of course insert proper words in a formal client-consultant way for the following rather than my crass interpretation of the events):

THEM: "the traffic data we gave you at the inception meeting isn't for the road you're doing the report on"
ME: "well why did you give me the data to begin with and tell me it was?"
THEM: "your data looks dodgy for the weather and climate!"
ME: "it's from your damn government website!"
THEM: "you have the name of the mountain range wrong!"
ME: "it's on your damn government website map!"
THEM: "your report looks impressive but all it really does is compile all of the existing information into one report - you've not told us anything new!"
ME: "that was what you damn well told me to do! compile all of the other reports into the one report, carry out a safety assessment, rank the safety issues, and come up with solutions to them and costings!"
THEM: "your report starts at the one place all the time with the chainages!"
ME: "the brief is written from point a to point b - so my chainages start at point a and go to point b - that's what my report is doing - following my report brief that you told me to do"
THEM: "can you provide a map?"
ME: "I've repeatingly asked all of you guys for a map - and you keep telling me there isnt one. I can't find one. They've not actually mapped your road in a way that I can use it accurately. There is no map of your damn road. Unless you have one - there is no map. If you have one - give it to me! Please! I beg you!"

8. Adam the landscaper is meant to be back in business and will be building a footpath - fun times.

9. The end is nigh.

10. The end is now.