My Manifesto: The Incoherent Ramblings of a Madman

Was out road tripping for work doing a road safety audit in the middle of no where. It was freezing, frost all over the road and the like, but the most exciting part was meeting the locals.

ME: "Are you open for dinner here yet?"
LOCAL: "Yes - but we've been booked out - there's 180 people here for a dinner"
ME: *looking around at an empty room* "Are you sure?"
LOCAL: "Yup. Surely Am."

I have no idea what the 180 ghosts were eating - or where they were coming from.

MY MOTHER: "Do people always ask you what LGES stands for?"
ME: "Not usually - most people either don't notice and if they do they don't care"
LOCAL: "What does LEGS on your shirt stand for?"
ME:" Local Government Engineering Services"
LOCAL:" That's the same thing that's written on your car!"
ME: "Yeah. It is."
LOCAL: "So it's not LEGS at all?"
ME: "No - it's written with the word staggered so it's LGES"
LOCAL: "That's stupid"
ME: " Mmhmm."

I hadn't bathed for an entire day. I hadn't shaved for two days. I smelt bad. I looked dishelved. I had mud all over me. I still smelt better than the locals - but they had their revenge on me - they had the last laugh. I ate at the only place in town open past 5pm - the chinese restaurant in the Bowling Club, which was owned by Thaiwanese Australians, and I was the sole person there. The locals obviously knew something I didn't.