My Manifesto: The Incoherent Ramblings of a Madman

My new flat smells like me :|.

As many of you probably know, men, such as myself, stink to buggery. We have sweat glands that make us smell like something you've brought up from last nights dinner, at all moments in time, other than when we've just gotten out of the shower and plastered ourselves with deodorant, to a point, that it makes everyones eyes water just walking near us - yes even we realise we put on to much, however, we also realise that if we don't put on to much in 30 minutes we will, more often than not, smell exactly the same as we did before we had said shower.

So my new flat smells like a combination of sweat, blood, tears, body odour, urine, cum, and mouldy gym socks. The worst thing is that no matter what I do it still stinks like myself - silly room deodorisers or no silly room deodorisers.

My toilet smells like urine - ok so this is directly my fault - you know how guys often miss the toilet? and you think: "how the fuck can you miss? you have a barrel to damn well aim with!"; well, what it gets down to is that often the end of the penis where the urine comes out (unsure of the actual name) sort of sticks to it's self (don't ask me why i'm personifying the end of the penis). When it sticks to it's self the urine does not come out straight, it sort of comes out all over the place depending on how the cavity is opening up as the urine pushes it unstuck. This minor issue can easily be overcome by squeezing the end of the shaft before urinating to make sure it is fully unstuck and the urine will pass straight through without any mis-direction. Anyway to cut a long (very long) story short: 3am, new place, half asleep, in the dark, urine everywhere. Luckily I had a mat down whichcan be easily cleaned - however - that requires being in Port Macquarie to do the cleaning, and I am in Bourke at the present time. In addition to not correctly clearing the path for the urine to come out - there is not lifting the seat up (just lazy), the drunkard (we can blame anything on alchohol - and usually do) and the victorian syndrome (see previous blogs on how victorians never seem to hit the target no matter what).

I need to urinate.