My Manifesto: The Incoherent Ramblings of a Madman

Mutilate (v) To make imperfect by excising or altering parts

I know many people who self mutilate themselves. However, mutilation has always been a part of mankind's nature.

We circumcise ourselves. We tattoo ourselves. We brand ourselves. We wear jewelry. We wear clothes to change our bodies. We exercise to change our appearance. All of the abovementioned things are just ways of trying to cope.

There are many reasons we try to do these things, however, they all get back to the fact that we are victims. Victims of: societies pressures; of religion; of abuse; of circumstance; of fashion and so on. As victims we are trying to cope in the way we find that works best for us.

Do I self mutilate myself? Yes. I exercise in excess trying to gain what in my mind is the perfect body shape that deep down inside I know I will never attain without resorting to drugs. I shave daily, sometimes twice daily, trying to hide my beard from the world - fearful of what will happen to me if I do not shave. I chew my fingernails to the point that they have had a fungal infection for most of my life. I cut my hair short because I was picked on as a child for having curly hair. I rarely smile because I am scared of showing my teeth - teeth that have a slight gap that I am paranoid the world will laugh at. When I get itchy I scratch myself until I either hurt, or bleed, whichsoever may come first to get rid of the itchy feeling.

However, I do not cut myself.

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Cutting

Victims self mutilate themselves. Victims self mutilate themselves as a form of the following:

1.self-punishment: the victim has suffered some form of abuse that has led them to see themselves as worthless. The abuse can be: physical; verbal; or emotional.

2.inability to express emotions: whether psychologically retardation is the factor, or extreme depression, often the victim self mutilates as a way of expressing emotions that they feel they are incapable of expressing in any other way.

3.regaining self-control: cutting may be a way of showing others that you are in control of your own: life; dreams; or future.

4.regain mortality: often the cutter feels nothing. cutting is a way of feeling again.

(the above list is loosely based on: http://www.geocities.com/bnl_jgk/thedistortionwithin.html)
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While I can empathise with why people feel the need to cut themselves. I will never be able to truly understand the feeling until I have done it myself as a coping mechanism.

I hope never to have to use it as a coping mechanism.