My Manifesto: The Incoherent Ramblings of a Madman

I am sitting here in my boxer shorts with scratch marks all over my body from excessive scratching in an attempt to scratch an itch I can not seem to shake, due in part, to the excessive sweat coming from me during this humid time, and due in part to the fact I have made myself itch more from excessive scratching. I am listening to assorted mp3's on the computer: Depeche Mode, It's No Good, aptly plays at this moment in time.

I am contemplating my future. I often just sit here and think about the future. Think about the past. Think about what I want in life. Think about how difficult what I want in life has become. I like to keep my mind ticking over. For some reason, if I am not thinking about something, I feel lazy and ignorant. I far too often realise I am both. I can not relax properly. It is a huge flaw of mine.

I would like to do some further study. I am kind of torn between doing something worthwhile or remotely useful to work, such as: management; OHS; accounting; finance; computing; or diploma of law. OR doing something I would be interested in, such as: quantum physics; geology; photography; computers; or environmental science. I guess in a way they are all sort of remotely work related.

It is difficult to work out what I want to do, because, no matter what I choose, I will have very little time to do it. There is also the dilemma of working out whether to do a TAFE or university degree. After going through university, or even finishing highschool, TAFE will be a breeze no matter what I do, but it will keep me amused, hopefully, for about a year. However, doing a university degree by correspondence may mean biting off more than I can chew.

I want to buy a unit/flat/townhouse and rent it out to pay it off. I want to be one of the tenants. I need a partner to secure the loan. I will struggle to find one.

I did not understand why people choose to live in ignorant bliss, then I went to America and realised how blissful it was without a care in the world, sitting there thinking, ignorantly, that you were the world. The ignorance of the Port Macquarian annoys me. They sit here being fed lies and half truths and take it all as fact.

I want to be loved. I once was loved. I am not sure where I stand anymore on that matter. I am scared to really ask the question because I already know the answer and it is not something I want to know. Perhaps that is the way they (Americans, Port Macquarians, Everyone) live. They do not ask the question - because they do not want to know the answer.

I am over tired - but cannot sleep. My head hurts. I feel unfit. I do not know what to say anymore on my blog. I never knew what to say. I guess in the end it does not matter what I say because there is no one reading it, and those who do, have fallen into its depths by accident.

I want the world. I expect nothing.

Hear no truth. See no truth. Speak no truth.

"You think I got my eyes closed but I've been looking at you the whole fucking time." Pearl Jam - Once.